I Don't Want to Sound Ungrateful....But!!!

[jifnif]

My mother's day was a real depressing day.  I don't know if it is just hormones or what but I felt like crying all day.  My son woke up at 3am and I should just be glad I have my son to wake me up at 3am but I was doing the race for the cure in a few hours and wanted to collapse!!  (walking, not running btw)  Then we were supposed to take my mil out for dinner and it got changed to lunch.  We meet at her house at 12 and now we are eating at their house but my fil is always a D*c* and lunch wasn't ready until 4pm.  I hadn't eaten since 8am and at this point I am ready to throw up and my son didnt have lunch either and they are feeding him donuts!!  There is nothing healthy to snack on and I want to cry.  My MIL tells me to lay down, I don'twant to lay down, I wanted to eat 4 hrs ago!!!  We eat and they made steamed clams in a bag w/ cooked carrots and corn...normally this is "ok" but it makes me sick to my stomache and I spend a good hour throwing up.  I have to beg my husband to take me home and then I have wash to do and then.....my husband says "oh, happy mother's day...hope you don't mind we didnt' get you anything"......and so anyway off to bed I still feel like **** and my dh wants to bd!!!!!!  I rolled over and just said good night!!!  Normally my dh is pretty good at being considerate....I just don't know how to get out of this slump. I feel like I have been jaded.  I am already thinking of what can I do next year to make it better...but should I have to plan my own mother's day??  And why should the MIL come first???  I have struggled for a long time to be a mom and think that I should have some time devoted to me!!!  I want to spend the day w/ my kids and ENJOY myself on my terms.  I feel a little selfish but I want to be.  Besides, I don't think I will ever be that MOM or MIL that will do that to my daughter or DIL.  Boohoo, I am trying to snap out of it but it's monday.  Sorry, I guess I needed to vent.  

[jifnif]

That is great advice!  My dh actually just called and said that he had been thinking about how I spent my mother's day and tonight I get whatever I want (physical or just house help, haha) and that next weekend I get a whole day to myself and that next year he is going to tell his mom we are only stopping by and then we can spend the day doing what I want to do.  I feel so much relief.  I didn't even really want anything, just to be acknowledged I guess.  Well, it makes your advice true.  I did let him know I was upset but I wasn't a HUGE complainer.  I guess I have been sulking a lil but those stupid clams taste is still in my mouth!!! Ughhhhh!!!  Haha, I guess this is part of the learning process.  :)  

[jennyb473]

First off, I'm really sorry that your Mother's Day was so awful!  Mine wasn't exactly what I had hoped for, but I'm "technically" not a mother for 4 more weeks or so....so I am letting DH slide a little bit.  But he knows that he should have acted like this was my first one and gotten me a card if nothing else -  he already is saying next year will be much better.  

that being said - you need to let DH know how you feel and that you were extremely disappointed and that his role is now to honor his mother and children's mother on Mother's Day - it is no longer all about mommy for him!  He needs to make you front and center and then his mom can come next.  He needs to be more conscious of your needs and your son's needs - if you were expecting to eat at a certain time he should have said something or done something to make sure you and your son were taken care of first.  

Lay into him a little - not too much, but let him know what you are feeling (and that it is NOT all hormonal!!) and that if he isn't up to it, you will TELL him what you want to do next year on YOUR day and then he can comply instead of having to come up with the idea on his own - if he is not capable.  And you can either spoil him rotten on Father's Day so he knows what you expect or you can ignore him and let him see how it feels.......

Good luck and feel better!