Aa
Misconduct of male to my 12 yr old dd. Need help
Hi Ladies,
I am truly devestated and don't know what to do.
My 12 yr old dd told her counselor yesterday (this was her first meeting w/the counselor) that my cousin's fiancee, while he was drunk, tried to life up her shirt. SHe said this took place last year. She said she told my 17 yr old dd about it (who was 16 at the time), but my older dd said she thought her sister was lying. My 12 yr also said she told her other female cousin about it (this little girl is the dd of my cousin who's fiancee is accused of the terrible act). This little girl said the fiancee did the same thing to her when he drunk too.
This young man has been in out family for the past 3 1/2 yrs. I've never had a problem with him. I actually like him and feel like he is hte best thing for my cousin. I've seen where he's brought out the best in my cousin. He always took care of her children (ages 16, 10, and 8) like they were his owe children. He does drink alot, but he takes care of the bills, cooks, cleans and just an all around good guy. This is something I would've never thought he would do.
Now, my 12 yr lies to get attention and to get out of trouble. But with all the things my dd lied about, I just dont feel like she wouldlie about something like this. Her counselor had to report the fiancee to the the Dept. of Social Services in my hometown. They have also scheduled my dd to see a pyshciatrist who specializes in situations like this. They want to make sure she is not lying about this situation. I was told that I need to fiel a police report against my cousin's fiancee. He is on probation now for DUI and driving w/a suspended liscence. I was also told that if I don't file a police report, then I was be brought up on child neglect charges. This is extremely hard on me because my family is close. This could tear this family apart.
My dd's counselor said that after the investigation, they may find that nothing happen. But the family will already be destroyed. I'm at my wits end. I am procrastinating to file a police report. I know they will immediately arrest the fiancee. My cousin told me to do what I need to do to protect my child. And I am. But at the same time, I am hurt because I am close to this young man. He and my dh are close friends as well. I have not told my hubby about this situation. If I do, I know what he would do and it would land him in jail.
Do I have any options in this matter? What's going to happen from here on? How long is this process going to take? Do I need to hire a lawyer? I've told my dd that she has done nothing wrong. She said this has happen only one time. My cousin did talk her fiancee about it. He said he doesn't remember doing anything like that. I just dont know what to do. And to top it off, this same cousin's stepfather has been fighting her mother(my aunt). He was put out of this house and now is stocking my aunt. All of this is and will destroy our family. I'm trying not to stress myself since I'm 5 weeks pg. Should I tell my hubby? What should I do? I really need help
I am truly devestated and don't know what to do.
My 12 yr old dd told her counselor yesterday (this was her first meeting w/the counselor) that my cousin's fiancee, while he was drunk, tried to life up her shirt. SHe said this took place last year. She said she told my 17 yr old dd about it (who was 16 at the time), but my older dd said she thought her sister was lying. My 12 yr also said she told her other female cousin about it (this little girl is the dd of my cousin who's fiancee is accused of the terrible act). This little girl said the fiancee did the same thing to her when he drunk too.
This young man has been in out family for the past 3 1/2 yrs. I've never had a problem with him. I actually like him and feel like he is hte best thing for my cousin. I've seen where he's brought out the best in my cousin. He always took care of her children (ages 16, 10, and 8) like they were his owe children. He does drink alot, but he takes care of the bills, cooks, cleans and just an all around good guy. This is something I would've never thought he would do.
Now, my 12 yr lies to get attention and to get out of trouble. But with all the things my dd lied about, I just dont feel like she wouldlie about something like this. Her counselor had to report the fiancee to the the Dept. of Social Services in my hometown. They have also scheduled my dd to see a pyshciatrist who specializes in situations like this. They want to make sure she is not lying about this situation. I was told that I need to fiel a police report against my cousin's fiancee. He is on probation now for DUI and driving w/a suspended liscence. I was also told that if I don't file a police report, then I was be brought up on child neglect charges. This is extremely hard on me because my family is close. This could tear this family apart.
My dd's counselor said that after the investigation, they may find that nothing happen. But the family will already be destroyed. I'm at my wits end. I am procrastinating to file a police report. I know they will immediately arrest the fiancee. My cousin told me to do what I need to do to protect my child. And I am. But at the same time, I am hurt because I am close to this young man. He and my dh are close friends as well. I have not told my hubby about this situation. If I do, I know what he would do and it would land him in jail.
Do I have any options in this matter? What's going to happen from here on? How long is this process going to take? Do I need to hire a lawyer? I've told my dd that she has done nothing wrong. She said this has happen only one time. My cousin did talk her fiancee about it. He said he doesn't remember doing anything like that. I just dont know what to do. And to top it off, this same cousin's stepfather has been fighting her mother(my aunt). He was put out of this house and now is stocking my aunt. All of this is and will destroy our family. I'm trying not to stress myself since I'm 5 weeks pg. Should I tell my hubby? What should I do? I really need help
Best wishes to you and your family. As a therapist, this is dear to my heart. I apologize if I was to wordy.
Erakal
Erakal
make sure you follow these steps only if you are prepared to move forward. Once law enforcement is involved, they are involved. I can not tell you what to do or not to do in this situation or how it oertains to your hubbie. How do you thinkn he will feel and react knowing that you knew this and did not share this with him?
If your child discloses sexual exploitation, how you react is an important part of child protection. It seems from your post that you have given your daughter the comfort and ease of knowing that she did not do anything wrong. Please make sure that you do not
Underreact to or minimize the information, overreact to the information or panic,
criticize or blame your child. You should however, show physical affection, and express love and support with words and gestures as well as explain to your child that she has done nothing wrong. It is important to understand the need to help your child understand it was the offender's responsibility, not your child's. Remember that children seldom lie about acts of sexual exploitation, but continue with the steps you stated in your post that you are following and will follow. Keep the lines of communication open so that you DD feels comfortable speaking to you about what is going on with her both emotionally and mentally. I almost forgot to mention that you should also seek appropriate medical care for your child.
Most molesters are known to the child and the family. They are often family members or family friends. Family secrets put children at risk. Do not attempt to "sweep this under the rug". Whatever happened, you need to know and address it accordingly.
Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, sometimes children are abused. They may hide the abuse. They may be afraid to tell someone for fear of being judged or may be intimidated into silence by their abuser. This is why it is so important for parents to keep an eye out for warning signs. Atleast you know and can now take action.
Notify law enforcement
Alert the child-protection, youth-services, child-abuse, or other appropriate social-services organizations in cooperation with law enforcement
Consider the need for counseling or therapy for your child and the entire family
owever,
Underreact to or minimize the information, overreact to the information or panic,
criticize or blame your child. You should however, show physical affection, and express love and support with words and gestures as well as explain to your child that she has done nothing wrong. It is important to understand the need to help your child understand it was the offender's responsibility, not your child's. Remember that children seldom lie about acts of sexual exploitation, but continue with the steps you stated in your post that you are following and will follow. Keep the lines of communication open so that you DD feels comfortable speaking to you about what is going on with her both emotionally and mentally. I almost forgot to mention that you should also seek appropriate medical care for your child.
Most molesters are known to the child and the family. They are often family members or family friends. Family secrets put children at risk. Do not attempt to "sweep this under the rug". Whatever happened, you need to know and address it accordingly.
Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, sometimes children are abused. They may hide the abuse. They may be afraid to tell someone for fear of being judged or may be intimidated into silence by their abuser. This is why it is so important for parents to keep an eye out for warning signs. Atleast you know and can now take action.
Notify law enforcement
Alert the child-protection, youth-services, child-abuse, or other appropriate social-services organizations in cooperation with law enforcement
Consider the need for counseling or therapy for your child and the entire family
owever,
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy 35 and Older Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
