SO UPSET....

[guatmommy]

I am so upset rightnow... ok- for some background.  Me and the babies father were together had a m/c, seperated shortly after got back together, got preg... seperated again prior to finding out preg.  We then decided about a month or so ago that e are working it out.  He just got joint custody of his children, they will live withhim 4 days and his x g/f 3 days.  We had planned tomove in together.  She went to their parent advocate who signed an order that he is not allowed allowed to live with anyone!!!..> WTF!!!  He met with the advocate today and she wouldnot overturn it.  In fact, she had pics of his truck parked at 6 different homes in the last 6 mos.  At least one of these pic wasn't even a woman's home.   Yes, he did go wild fo a while.  Now- this has to go to court!  This is so unfair and has me so upset- a MAJOR knot in my stomach.  For obvious reasons I feel so insecure in this relationship and this just makes things so bad!!  We had a heart toheart talk today and he did admit that he is scared- whta if we move in together and in 6 mos it just doesn't work out- then what???... Well- I look at things comp. diff.  I AM SCARED TO DEATH of having this baby and having to go home to an empty house... all alone, me, the baby and my daughter... I am scared out of my shoes!!!  Oh, back to thehouse that I am eventually going to lose because my X-husband left me high and dry when he left--- I was a stay at home mom when he left.  This whole thing has me so stressed- I don't know what to do.  Part of me wants to throw the towel in the other part wants to fight..... but is he fighting w/ Mme???  For me???.... UGH!!!    

[shesherm]

I'm sorry you are going through this hopefully the judge will want your baby to have his daddy around.  good luck

[guatmommy]

He is meeting with the attorney tomorrow for lunch.  This could take a month, 2 mos, 3 mos or more....  I am due in 4 1/2 months!!!!  They are looking at it as instability- it's crazy/..... the parent advocate tells him "well, it's just a year.".... HELLOOOO..... I am due in MAY!  This is so frustrating.  i am hoping that this is something that will go quick and that the judge sees this our way!!  Can't even run off and get married because technically I am still married- the final judgement for my divorce haas not been signed by the judge yet!  Just so much at the wrong time...  you van only im,agine the strain this putting on our "freshly developed" relationship.  Everytime we talk I am like a nag!.... I can't help it.... ugh..... I am blabbering now... I am so stressed I feel the fluttering behind my eyes.... I can't stand it!

[guatmommy]

He is meeting with the attorney tomorrow for lunch.  This could take a month, 2 mos, 3 mos or more....  I am due in 4 1/2 months!!!!  They are looking at it as instability- it's crazy/..... the parent advocate tells him "well, it's just a year.".... HELLOOOO..... I am due in MAY!  This is so frustrating.  i am hoping that this is something that will go quick and that the judge sees this our way!!  Can't even run off and get married because technically I am still married- the final judgement for my divorce haas not been signed by the judge yet!  Just so much at the wrong time...  you van only im,agine the strain this putting on our "freshly developed" relationship.  Everytime we talk I am like a nag!.... I can't help it.... ugh..... I am blabbering now... I am so stressed I feel the fluttering behind my eyes.... I can't stand it!

[guatmommy]

He is meeting with the attorney tomorrow for lunch.  This could take a month, 2 mos, 3 mos or more....  I am due in 4 1/2 months!!!!  They are looking at it as instability- it's crazy/..... the parent advocate tells him "well, it's just a year.".... HELLOOOO..... I am due in MAY!  This is so frustrating.  i am hoping that this is something that will go quick and that the judge sees this our way!!  Can't even run off and get married because technically I am still married- the final judgement for my divorce haas not been signed by the judge yet!  Just so much at the wrong time...  you van only im,agine the strain this putting on our "freshly developed" relationship.  Everytime we talk I am like a nag!.... I can't help it.... ugh..... I am blabbering now... I am so stressed I feel the fluttering behind my eyes.... I can't stand it!

[Tennesseegirl]

sweetie.. He will come around.!!  and if he doesnt? it will just save you time and emotion. you need to just try and calm down. I know its the hardest thing to think of right now but do it for your babys sake. try!!. Stress really affects the baby. there are proven facts out there on what stress does to the baby.and nothing is worth it. It was on opra not too long ago. I dont want to call it any names fear of getting it wrong. but you are hurting yourself and the baby getting so upset. try and take a bath and go under the water, listen to music, anything to try and relax..everything will look diffrent tomorrow. so what matters is getting yourself cleared up.
Im so sorry you have to deal with this being pregnant and all. but HE WILL COME AROUND!!  hang in there

[poupoune26]

Like Tanker Chic said..I can't imagine a ruling coming back against you given the situation.  And, trust me, I know about bitchy exes!!  I never knew what kind of stress that could cause. I told my dh over the holidays (which was a VERY stressful time because of HER) that I couldn't take it anymore.  I'm pregnant and I need to relax a little!!!  All that stress affects the baby and it isn't good. So, trust that your dh will fight for you..maybe he needs time...but if this does go to court..I trust that it will go your way..good luck  :)

[Tanker Chic]

If the two of you are having a baby together, I couldn't image a judgement that the two of you couldn't live together.  Crazier things have happened, but it just doesn't seem rational to me.  

I'm so sorry for yours stress. I can only imagine what you are going through right now.  

My heart goes out to you and I hope everything works out.  Hannah

[guatmommy]

Oh she knows because the kids know and that's what sparked thi whole thing!!  She is a spiteful B**CH!!  They have been in court for 1 year over this custoidy.  She lives w/ her parents in the basement and thekids and her sleep in one bed.... she is a pill popper, doesn't wok and lives off of public asst.  YET hasmoney packed away from their years together under her moms name.  This is really got me so UPSET!!  I am hioping that he fights for us.  He i very scared.... of us...  I guess because he has had a bad experience.  Ughhhh...

[poupoune26]

Yes, but guarmommy isn't just any woman. The court has to realize that and most importantly, the ex should too..she's carrying his baby. So, if anything, the home they would provide for his children would be a loving, stable home.

I used to have a similar problem with my dh's ex.  He has an 11 year old son that he has joint custody with. In the beginning, the ex didn't want me there at all. It's been 2 years now that we've been together. She still doesn't want to ever see me so she doesn't go to Matt's hockey games (her son's hockey games) and things like that if I'm there..doesn't want to come over to the house to pick him up at the house because I'm there..blah blah blah..  

I understand the stress these situations can put you in. Hang in there, and hopefully, things will resolves themselves..maybe the ex will come to her senses. Does she know that you're expecting these children's brother or sister??!

[melimeli]

no no, not talking about your situation just the general situation that ex's are in...  I know it is hard.. do you guys think about marring.. that would alleviate the whole situation...

[guatmommy]

I have been very supportive of his situation.  We usually spend the weekends at hishouse w/ ll the kids.  It hurts me to even think that "our" baby will have tobe seperated from his dad because of this... and that we as a couple will haveto be seperated.  YES, he did mess up in the past and was with many woman.... he was with his x for 11 years and I guess went wild when they seperated.  I don't think it's fair to look at me as just another woman when I am pregnant and we are trying to make stability by moving in together as a family!!  The thought of being on my own is making me physically and emotionally ill!!  

[melimeli]

they can and they do... the don't want instability for the children.. it happens... I can see both sides.. it is hard to balance what is best for the kids when it interferes with what we want for the new babies...  hard situation don't want to get married and then have things not work out... I for one wouldn't want my kids visiting their dad if he was living with a women cause sometimes it is woman after woman after woman...

[dsmommy]

What a tough situation!  I'm sorry your having to deal w/ that during your pregnancy.  It sounds like the dad-to-be has to deal w/ his custody issues first.  It sounds like obviously they felt he was a decent dad if they gave him joint custody and 4 days with him.  Thats huge.  The childrens advocate is there to protect the kids and make sure they have a stable and consistent home.  Maybe he could go back to them w/ some ideas....like after (x) months he could have a "roommate" as long as they don't have a criminal history, etc and this will give you and your daughter some time to bond w/ his children and everyone get to know each other and feel comfortable.  They can't tell him that he can NEVER live w/ anyone...that's just not reasonable.  He has alot on his plate right now and if you push too hard it might push him away.  I think you should express your concern and feelings but also support him in his struggles too so that he can see that you can work together as a team.  Is he helping support you right now or are you able to figure something out (living arrangements) since your ex left?  You have to focus on you, your daughter and the baby right now.  Best of luck!

Dottie