am i wrong

[may2015mommy]

I'm 12 weeks with my first baby. The guy and I are not in a committed relationship. Which made it hard to tell my family I'm expecting a child with someone I'm not even with. He hasn't told his family just a couple friends, his uncle and his coworkers. He's basically hiding the pregnancy. If someone asks he doesn't deny it but doesn't tell anyone. He thinks the child should be named after him. I disagree. In fact if he doesn't tell his family after we find out the sex I am not naming my child after him nor am I involving him with the rest of my pregnancy. Or birth...If he's going to pretend my child doesn't exist I will pretend he doesn't. I am 22 he is 25 this is his 2nd child. Before I got pregnant we discussed children. FYI he told me I was pregnant before my missed period which let's me know it was no accident. I honestly think he was a trying for a baby now he regrets this.  

[Vnessa7]

I'm not saying I'm him at all but I'm 13 weeks just found out babies sex this is mine and my husbands 3rd I really didn't tell anyone till I found out sex on sat. I wanted to surprise my family maybe he's doing the same plus guys aren't really good at showing excitement or anything but they really are happy just talk to him and also us preg girls can be very sensitive when pregnant and emotional I hope all the best for you!

[TMMB]

Sorry, I think you are wrong. Not about the name thing, but about the not involving him thing. He is the father. You shouldn't give him ultimatums just because he doesn't respond exactly the way you think he should. Yes, he probably should tell his family, but just because he doesn't when you think he should does not warrant you excluding him as the father. Being dangerous, evil, abusive, etc.: these are all valid reasons for excluding him. Not just because you disagree about when he tells his family.

[angelbaby9_26]

I agree with GeekMom1213. With the risks and other factors most people wait until after they find out the sex for a big reveal. He's not absent. Doesn't seem to be hiding anything. At this important time you need to be focusing on a healthy pregnancy and give him the benefit of the doubt. Hate to inform you but the courts don't care about anyone. You, him and your child is just a number to them. Try communicating before you do something you regret...just my opinion

[love_being_his_mrs]

Remember, you have the option of not involving him - your baby doesn't get that option. He's still the father. If he's not abusive or neglectful,  it's wrong to exclude him because he isn't perfect (nobody is!). Have you told him how you feel? Co parenting is hard work,  & it isn't an option.  Trust me, you want to work out visitation etc and not the courts. Even if he's the laziest bum, you've got to be the bigger person and give him a shot. Your baby will grow up and see your efforts,  but resent you if you talk bad about him, keep him away, etc. I'm sorry it's not what you imagined :( I hope and pray he turns around and steps up

[GeekMom1213]

You're only 12 weeks... I don't plan to tell my own family until after that, and this is a long-planned pregnancy of baby #2 with my wonderful husband. Does he say he doesn't want his family to know? Have you talked to him about how you feel? Or are you just setting ultimatums and being mad at him without knowing where he stands? He's told friends and coworkers... he's not hiding this. I think maybe having a conversation might help. 12 weeks might feel like forever to you but really it's not a big deal that he hasn't broadcast it to the world yet. It doesn't make him a deadbeat or a jerk or undeserving of attending his child's birth - it takes a lot more than that. Give the guy a chance to tell you what he's thinking. He's not a useless waste just because he's not on the same page as you.

[Liane88930]

Personally, i don't believe in using the father's last name unless you are married.

[mommatomany]

Depends on the state if you give him your last name and child support gets involved they will after everything squared away automatically issue the baby a new birth certificate with his last name without your say so.

[mommatomany]

Been there done that.My son is 4 and still hasn't met his father and we were together off and on for 6 years before I got pregnant.The truth that our relationship was a lie the entire time came out and he's still not acting like a dad so its his loss not mine.I enjoy this beautiful child we created every day without his sorry butt.

[AnnieBrooke]

In your shoes, I wouldn't turn away from going for child support, but I certainly wouldn't have any interest in giving the baby the dad's name. The two are not linked -- in other words, it is not necessary to name the baby after the dad in order to qualify for child support.  The guy sounds like a classic deadbeat, he isn't going to be sitting up with the kid all night when the child is sick, or being sure he is off to school on time.  Your chances of getting child support are not reduced by giving the baby your name, all you need is to prove paternity.  (And a name does not do that.)

[chloegc1023]

I don't see anything wrong with that.  After all ur doing what's in the best interest of u and ur baby.  If I were u I wouldn't even give the baby the fathers last name or take him to court for child support.  I made that mistake and now I have to go thru the courts to change my son's last name and it costs $ and is a hassle and I hardly got any money from child support.  I still haven't changed his last name cuz I really can't afford to now, but I will one of these days!!  My son's father has been in and out of his life for the first 3 years and completely abandoned him since since I met my husband when my son was 3.  I say do what u want as u will be the one to take care of baby anyways.