Why am I so afraid!!!

[Juliaschill]

I am going crazy! I have been crying for days, I have had all kinds of tests and everything say my baby boy is doing great, yet from the beging i have felf like I will lose him, I know part of it has to do with trying for 6 years with no luck then being told I could not have a baby, then losing one last year, but I just can't calm down, I am on week 32 and I know I should be enjoying this new life, I try so hard, I pray and talk to him and tell him how happy I am to have him in my tummy, yet all the time I feel like I am going to lose him.  I know some of you are thinking "ok just shut up you are lucky to be pregnant" and trust me I know how lucky I am, but I can not even picture myself holding him, everytime I even think about it I freak out and cry because I feel like none of this is real and I will wake up to find out I am not even pregnant, or something I don't know, I am just so sad and afraid that this will end badly, I know you guys can not give me a garentte that all will be well but maybe when you say your prayers you come add a little peace for my mind and heart, I know this sounds crazy, and I hate feeling this way, I wish I could just fast forward to when he is here and then maybe i could calm down, sorrry I am such a mess!!1

[adgal]

Oh honey, so sorry you are worrying so much.  I think we always worry about that which we want the most.  I don't know what kind of advice to give you, but I am sending you a big hug!  XO  Amanda

[usuk]

So sorry. A good friend with two kids feels like she bought "2 tickets to the worry-fest." I think you worry one minute it will never happen and then next minute that it will happen!!! It is clear now that this will happen. I would say just try to remind yourself that it is not this baby's fault that you suffered a loss and s/he deserves the kinda of love like you have never hurt. Easier said maybe but it is worth a shot. If this bunch of ladies is not enough then you should get someone else to let you cry, not judge you, and help you come out on the other side.

[Juliaschill]

Thanks everyone for all your wonderful words, I am hanging in there, still having soon tough moments but am better, trying everything you guys sugested and it is helping, My Dr pretty much just said "oh you are just one of those ladies who will not relax untill I put the baby in your arms" so well that didn't help me much I already knew that, thanks again!

[Tanker Chic]

Mantra: means a group of words that are considered capable of "creating transformation"

[Tanker Chic]

Oh I didn't even see the comment on the mantra.. I have one too..

"I expect nothing less than a miracle"  

It brings me a lot of peace and I recommend them to anyone who needs them.  

[rubyinparadise]

ooh, sally, i love the suggestion of a mantra. here are some that have worked really well for me during fearful times:

all is well in my world
i am safe
i am divinely protected and guided

julia- how are you feeling today?

[Tanker Chic]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much.. I can relate to how you are feeling.. I told DH, I wished they could induce me into a coma and I could wake up at 37wks pg.  

I just really try not to focus or entertain the negative thinking.. whenever you feel your self going in that direction, make a conscious effort to think of something positive and focus on that..  

Your healthy happy baby will be here and you can hold him on your chest 24/7 like I did with my little baby boy... it will be wonderful..

[Prayerful2528]

I will pray and ask our Heavenly Father to give you a peace of mind... For we know that satan is busy, he comes to kill (spirits), steal (our joy), and destory (our happiness) Just a few things that we know he is after there are much much much more... But be of good cheer and courage for God has alreday overcome the world.  Cast all of your cares and fears on him for he really do care for you.  We as human beings sometimes get caught up in emotions, and we allow that to get the best of us.  Lay down every weight that so easy beset you, and ran the race that has been set before you.  Enjoy every second of this great pregn, and you tell that devil to get thee behind you...  You are in my prayers and thoughts.   I am here for you

Love Yolanda

[Super_sally888]

Hon,

I think it could help to talk to someone about this anxiety.

I think you need to consciously make a decision to let the anxiety go.  Then have a mantra that you must repeat to yourself every time you start to feel anxious.  Make one that is very positive for you.  You are now at 32 weeks.  ALl is well!  

Hugs. Strength. Joy!

[40smama]

Julia - I have no solutions or ideas or answers - just thought I would write and let you know I'll think of you tonight.  The above suggestions are great - I wonder if perhaps you should mention your anxiety to your doctor.  I'm not sure what he/she can do but just sharing your thoughts/anxieties might be laid to rest (or partially) w/his or her perspective. - jen

[rubyinparadise]

Julia,

you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight!

anxiety and fear can be overwhelming at times. something as simple as breathing deeply, over and over again can begin to conquer it. do you have any meditation cds? or soothing music?

everything is going to be okay. trust that. these are just scary thoughts-- NOT reality.

all the best,
ruby

[sue68]

Hi there,

I think anyone who has had a m/c ,or who has been trying forever to have a baby, knows what you're feeling.  I'm assuming that anyone who has gotten pg after one feels like they're holding their breath until they are holding the baby in their arms. Probably worried when they feel a cramp or check for spotting - I know I did. So, its understandable after all you've been through to feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to fall.  I know how you feel. You're scared to celebrate , to hope, to make plans because the loss of that baby last year was traumatic. You'll never forget the pain of losing that baby but, you can't let that sorrow affect this one.

Your baby hears you when you talk to him - but, maybe he can also feel your sadness even though you tell him you're so happy. Give this little fella a chance and try not to think of "worse case scenarios". You're stressing when you should be taking it easy. Don't scare yourself to tears.  I'm guessing you're having a difficult time imagining holding your baby  because you're so scared of letting your hopes up and then it being yanked away - I get that.  Just to remind you though - you said that you've done ALL the tests and your baby is fine. Your doctor hasn't given you any reason for concern.
I don't know what to say to help you calm your fears - but, I'm sure many women here are ( or have been or will be ) feeling the same as you. He's due soon - 32 weeks is far along.  Just to let you know - I was born three months early - weighed 3lbs 5oz - and here I am.  Okay, so my dh thinks I'm wacky  ( I prefer "eccentric" or "energetic" but, whatever.. ).  
Whenever you feel yourself panicking - take a few deep breaths and think other thoughts - decorating the baby's room, baby names, any "acts" that have to do with preparing for baby's arrival.  There's an eastern saying  , " Be master of mind, rather than mastered by the mind". Try to control these negative thoughts that freak you out -  instead try to feel calm for you , your dh - and your baby.

[Miranda9]

Hi Julia,

I will say a prayer for you tonight and ask for peace for you and a healthy baby.

"Mind forged manacles".  You know, you can get out of it!  What are some of the things you can do tonight to calm down and ground yourself?  I know, when there are times in my life when my anxiety is spiralling downwards, I turn to a few things to get myself out of the trap.  Because it is a trap, you know. It's just one way of looking through the kaleidoscope.  I know I'm doing it when I'm full of negative self-talk.  I'm good now at catching myself and getting out of it. There are ways to do it: through movement, exercise.  Listening to music.  Coddling my darling two cats.  Writing random thoughts on a notepad.  Deliberately changing the talk form negative to positive.  Even if I don't feel it right away, I wrtie about the good things, the good things that are in my life and the good things that I an looking forward to in my future.

Sometimes I lie down in a quiet room and I pray.  Sometimes I don't pray but I just lie there, breathing deeply, relaxing my muscles. I stop listening to the negative self-talk and I search for that part of me that is still and good.  It's a smart place, it feels older and wiser than me.  I always find it there, hidden under my anxiety.  I don't know if it's part of me or part of God, but once I find it, I feel peace. I really do.  I think we all have this place within ourselves. We need to trust it.

Please try to do something that will calm yourself down this evening.

I know it's traumatic when you've had a loss.  Would you consider talking to somebody about it tomorrow. Even if tomorrow is a better day... you don't have to feel this bad.  You don't have to slip down this low.  Please talk to your doctor about how you are feeling?