Aa
young girls having sex
Ok, I just checked out the 20 and under pregnancy forum and I am so very upset! Why are these girls getting pregnant so young? Don't their parents even talk to them? I don't understand a 13 year old having sex and then asking if she could be pregnant?! A 17 year old with twins! They don't use protection, don't they realize they could get an STD or AIDS? Where are the parents? Wake up America and talk to our children, boys and girls, they really need the help and also some help on spelling also :)
I might be attacked for this but I'm going to be totally honest here. I am 40 years old now, I had my first mutual sexual experience at age 12. No, it was not the smartest thing to do but who at 12 is smart.
Let me explain my life.
At 4 years old I was sexually abused by first, a neighbor girl and her friend. I trusted this girl. She and her friend took me to a vacant house and under the carport tried to take my clothes off. I can remember crying and fearing for my life. They didn't actually do anything sexual to me because a man in a concrete or dump truck drove by and noticed what was happening, he stopped and made them stop but I knew what they were about to do to me. I ran home, scared to death. After this happened, my cousin who was older than me, about 15 years old, who the family trusted to babysit us kids decided to sexually abuse me. I was maybe 4 years old. What I can remember of it is that he had me in the hall, he was on top of me, I remember his body going up and down on me and his words were, "you better not tell anyone because if you tell and your dad finds out, he will kill me and he will go to jail forever and you will never see him again" I didn't tell a soul. My daddy was my world, my protector, my friend, I didn't want him going to jail and I couldn't bare the thought of him going to jail and never seeing him again. He was all I had. I must have blocked this out of my memory because I remember that I hated this cousin. I couldn't understand why though. I remember if he called I would hang up on him, I was mean to him. It came back to me in my 20's, I finally realized that I wasn't a mean little girl, I was lashing out in the only way that I knew I could. What he did to me changed me though. My innocence was gone. At age 4 I remember looking at men's crotches and wondering what "theirs" looked like. I can remember being excited about sex even though I had a bad experience. This is all at age 4. No, my parents didn't have a clue. I associated attention with sex.
At age 12 I lost my virginity to some boy who got me drunk and took advantage of me, it wasn't something that I wanted.
At age 14, my father died. I lost my world although I had no clue how bad it was going to be. My mother totally distanced herself from us kids. If we were not sent away we were fending for ourselves. It was kind of like living a V.C. Andrews story. Well, at that same age, I was sent to live with my Aunt, she had a male roommate who was 35 years old. I was basically her babysitter for her 6 year old daughter. I loved it, I was free to do anything I wanted to. I could drink, do drugs, stay out unless she needed a sitter. Well, she was out one night, I had been smoking pot with her roommate and drinking. The next thing you know, he is on his knees in front of me fondling my breasts. I pushed him away, told him no and went to sleep in the bed with my little cousin. I fell asleep, not realizing I was in danger. I wake up to someone (him) pulling my tampon out, lifting me up and telling me he is going to show me what a man is like. I was terrified. I didn't say a word. I thought if I pretended to be asleep he would just put me back and leave me alone. That is not what happened. He took me to his room and had sex with me. I didn't tell about this one either. I was scared of getting in trouble. Well, I eventually told my boyfriend years later. He in turn got so mad that he told my mother. Her reaction was, Melissa is a very Promiscuous girl, that was something she wanted. I was crushed when he told me what she said but not shocked. She was never there for us kids.
I ended up getting pregnant a couple of weeks before I turned 16. It was not that I was trying to get pregnant, it just happened.
I believe from my experiences with being molested, these girls have deeper issues and to get mad at them is sad. The reason I didn't "tell" was because I was scared of getting the reaction that some of you are giving to these girls. Being molested at 4 years old changed my life. It opened up new doors that I didn't realize were there. I was looking for the wrong attention. What I don't understand to this day is that my mother knew I was sexually active but chose not to put me on birth control. Why?
I have a beautiful 23 year old son who I wouldn't give up for the world. He is the one thing that I would not take back and I talked to him about sex from a very very young age. I let him know that getting someone pregnant would cause a childhood like he had. He listened. He is 23 and childless. I had an open relationship with him through his teen years and let him know he could talk to me about anything. He did and still does. Sometimes I he tells me too much but I don't let him know that, I want him to always feel comfortable in telling me anything which is something I never had.
My being molested also created an obsession, I was obsessed in making sure my daughter was not molested. I would not let my kids out of my sight. I also checked my daughters vagina OFTEN.
You really can't put the blame on anyone. Who's to say that my life would have been different if I were not molested though? We all live such busy lives now days that we really don't have a clue what our children are doing. I know my parents didn't have a clue about some of the things I was doing. My mother did know I was having sex but I could have become pregnant at 12 when she didn't know. Is it my fault at 12 for having sex and seeking attention from boys in that way? I was a child. Is it my parents fault for not knowing? no. There is no blame, people/children are going to do what they want to do. They will find a way.
Let me explain my life.
At 4 years old I was sexually abused by first, a neighbor girl and her friend. I trusted this girl. She and her friend took me to a vacant house and under the carport tried to take my clothes off. I can remember crying and fearing for my life. They didn't actually do anything sexual to me because a man in a concrete or dump truck drove by and noticed what was happening, he stopped and made them stop but I knew what they were about to do to me. I ran home, scared to death. After this happened, my cousin who was older than me, about 15 years old, who the family trusted to babysit us kids decided to sexually abuse me. I was maybe 4 years old. What I can remember of it is that he had me in the hall, he was on top of me, I remember his body going up and down on me and his words were, "you better not tell anyone because if you tell and your dad finds out, he will kill me and he will go to jail forever and you will never see him again" I didn't tell a soul. My daddy was my world, my protector, my friend, I didn't want him going to jail and I couldn't bare the thought of him going to jail and never seeing him again. He was all I had. I must have blocked this out of my memory because I remember that I hated this cousin. I couldn't understand why though. I remember if he called I would hang up on him, I was mean to him. It came back to me in my 20's, I finally realized that I wasn't a mean little girl, I was lashing out in the only way that I knew I could. What he did to me changed me though. My innocence was gone. At age 4 I remember looking at men's crotches and wondering what "theirs" looked like. I can remember being excited about sex even though I had a bad experience. This is all at age 4. No, my parents didn't have a clue. I associated attention with sex.
At age 12 I lost my virginity to some boy who got me drunk and took advantage of me, it wasn't something that I wanted.
At age 14, my father died. I lost my world although I had no clue how bad it was going to be. My mother totally distanced herself from us kids. If we were not sent away we were fending for ourselves. It was kind of like living a V.C. Andrews story. Well, at that same age, I was sent to live with my Aunt, she had a male roommate who was 35 years old. I was basically her babysitter for her 6 year old daughter. I loved it, I was free to do anything I wanted to. I could drink, do drugs, stay out unless she needed a sitter. Well, she was out one night, I had been smoking pot with her roommate and drinking. The next thing you know, he is on his knees in front of me fondling my breasts. I pushed him away, told him no and went to sleep in the bed with my little cousin. I fell asleep, not realizing I was in danger. I wake up to someone (him) pulling my tampon out, lifting me up and telling me he is going to show me what a man is like. I was terrified. I didn't say a word. I thought if I pretended to be asleep he would just put me back and leave me alone. That is not what happened. He took me to his room and had sex with me. I didn't tell about this one either. I was scared of getting in trouble. Well, I eventually told my boyfriend years later. He in turn got so mad that he told my mother. Her reaction was, Melissa is a very Promiscuous girl, that was something she wanted. I was crushed when he told me what she said but not shocked. She was never there for us kids.
I ended up getting pregnant a couple of weeks before I turned 16. It was not that I was trying to get pregnant, it just happened.
I believe from my experiences with being molested, these girls have deeper issues and to get mad at them is sad. The reason I didn't "tell" was because I was scared of getting the reaction that some of you are giving to these girls. Being molested at 4 years old changed my life. It opened up new doors that I didn't realize were there. I was looking for the wrong attention. What I don't understand to this day is that my mother knew I was sexually active but chose not to put me on birth control. Why?
I have a beautiful 23 year old son who I wouldn't give up for the world. He is the one thing that I would not take back and I talked to him about sex from a very very young age. I let him know that getting someone pregnant would cause a childhood like he had. He listened. He is 23 and childless. I had an open relationship with him through his teen years and let him know he could talk to me about anything. He did and still does. Sometimes I he tells me too much but I don't let him know that, I want him to always feel comfortable in telling me anything which is something I never had.
My being molested also created an obsession, I was obsessed in making sure my daughter was not molested. I would not let my kids out of my sight. I also checked my daughters vagina OFTEN.
You really can't put the blame on anyone. Who's to say that my life would have been different if I were not molested though? We all live such busy lives now days that we really don't have a clue what our children are doing. I know my parents didn't have a clue about some of the things I was doing. My mother did know I was having sex but I could have become pregnant at 12 when she didn't know. Is it my fault at 12 for having sex and seeking attention from boys in that way? I was a child. Is it my parents fault for not knowing? no. There is no blame, people/children are going to do what they want to do. They will find a way.
im locking my baby up till she is 25 lol
i agree with popeysgirl06, my parents did the best they could, were great parents. i did what i wanted behind their back. i was very sneaky, my mom talked to me constantly, my dad always made sure i had everything i needed. i became pregnant at 16. if anyone thinks they could have done a better job with me to prevent my pregnancy, you are dead wrong. but the good thing is, i did not get on welfare and did the best i could and i turned out to be a great parent. it is because i had great parents, i know it.
~Tennesseegirl- go ahead and blame the parents but all fault is not theirs. If these girls "want" babies then the fault is theirs, not the parents. Is about personal choice. Also, it takes two to make these babies so also teach your/our sons responsibility for their own actions.
It is real easy when a parent has not been dealt a difficult situation like many are. Not all mothers get the opportunity to have one child to raise and lead around single handed while Daddy works so Mommy can stay home. I, like many others, had to work just to get by. Unfortunately WE WERE TEEN PARENTS doing the right thing by taking care of our kids. So, in my case, blame me but this is a fact of life. Not all cases are like mine just many are. Babys that have babies are likely to continue in that same cycle.
So, without criticism against the parents or the teens because pointing fingers isn't going to solve the problem. With all the adult "wisdom" on this board go to your Local HS and make your voice heard.........be that parent that cares..........talk to your teen and her friends........teach your sons about birth control and to use it everytime. The males are too often over looked and just as harmed as the girls. Know too that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force them to drink. If these kids WANT what they want you nor I are going to stop them. Some want cars and jobs and others wants babies. Its sad but true. Not all of my children ended up having babies as teens but one did and just so happens to be she is the most responsible and she takes care of her children. She made lemonade from her lemons. I just couldn't control when she got ahold of that sour fruit.
I want to add that we need to be careful because this post could become offensive not because of the intended persons talked about {teen girls having sex/pregnancy} but there are also parents on this board that have had to deal with this and unless you have walked a mile in those shoes don't point your fingers. You can only 'imagine' if you havent been there. I think the direction is becoming blurred.
How many of you out there can honestly say you never did what you were not supposed to do as a teen? How many of you always did what you were told? How many of you had to learn very hard lessons on your own because you thought you knew better? What would you honestly do if your own daughter or son came home and told you that she was pregnant or that his girlfriend was pregnant? Would blaming yourself change anything? Its about choice and it happens and its sad but like it was said teen pregnancy has been around for eternity. You don' t have to like it but help educate against it.
It is real easy when a parent has not been dealt a difficult situation like many are. Not all mothers get the opportunity to have one child to raise and lead around single handed while Daddy works so Mommy can stay home. I, like many others, had to work just to get by. Unfortunately WE WERE TEEN PARENTS doing the right thing by taking care of our kids. So, in my case, blame me but this is a fact of life. Not all cases are like mine just many are. Babys that have babies are likely to continue in that same cycle.
So, without criticism against the parents or the teens because pointing fingers isn't going to solve the problem. With all the adult "wisdom" on this board go to your Local HS and make your voice heard.........be that parent that cares..........talk to your teen and her friends........teach your sons about birth control and to use it everytime. The males are too often over looked and just as harmed as the girls. Know too that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force them to drink. If these kids WANT what they want you nor I are going to stop them. Some want cars and jobs and others wants babies. Its sad but true. Not all of my children ended up having babies as teens but one did and just so happens to be she is the most responsible and she takes care of her children. She made lemonade from her lemons. I just couldn't control when she got ahold of that sour fruit.
I want to add that we need to be careful because this post could become offensive not because of the intended persons talked about {teen girls having sex/pregnancy} but there are also parents on this board that have had to deal with this and unless you have walked a mile in those shoes don't point your fingers. You can only 'imagine' if you havent been there. I think the direction is becoming blurred.
How many of you out there can honestly say you never did what you were not supposed to do as a teen? How many of you always did what you were told? How many of you had to learn very hard lessons on your own because you thought you knew better? What would you honestly do if your own daughter or son came home and told you that she was pregnant or that his girlfriend was pregnant? Would blaming yourself change anything? Its about choice and it happens and its sad but like it was said teen pregnancy has been around for eternity. You don' t have to like it but help educate against it.
wow....
sorry, cant leave this one alone...I think
Yes it is the parents fault!!! They failed somewhere!! where? is the question.
God forbid anyone to accept fault these days. We tend to want to put blame on anything but ourselves.
It *****...when they or we... take the wrong path. and that another child is having to pay for their maistake. I can only feel sorry for the child.
We live with Rules..... starts with an apple? you break the Rule? guess what? someone has to pay. You cant sugarcoat mother nature.
Im all about you make your bed, now lay in it. I just hope someone learns from it!
I personally think children arnt tought enough MORALS these days, but thats just my thought.
prettykitty... again... I like the way you think... and I echo your opinion
sorry, cant leave this one alone...I think
Yes it is the parents fault!!! They failed somewhere!! where? is the question.
God forbid anyone to accept fault these days. We tend to want to put blame on anything but ourselves.
It *****...when they or we... take the wrong path. and that another child is having to pay for their maistake. I can only feel sorry for the child.
We live with Rules..... starts with an apple? you break the Rule? guess what? someone has to pay. You cant sugarcoat mother nature.
Im all about you make your bed, now lay in it. I just hope someone learns from it!
I personally think children arnt tought enough MORALS these days, but thats just my thought.
prettykitty... again... I like the way you think... and I echo your opinion
Girls at that age are so much more influenced by their peer group then adults, that is true. I really don't think teenagers have changed all that much, we all at some point were trying to get away with stuff we weren't supposed to, challanging boundaries, etc. We all thought our parents were "out of touch" and just trying to ruin our fun. Or just didn't understand us. The problem I think is more that society has changed the boundaries. What was once completely unacceptable behaviour is now something most don't give a second thought to. Teenage pregnancy has always existed, and always will. But somehow, somewhere, we started accepting it as the norm. Not sure how all that happened. At DH's cousins wedding last week, I had a nice chat with another cousin of his that is 17. She is a beautiful girl, smart, a great future ahead of her. Her and I have a bit of a special bond, and she talks to me, which is great. But some of the things she tells me absolutely terrify me. She was holding my little 3 month old nephew, and looked at me and said "my friends babies are not this calm", like this was the most normal thing in the world!! She got upset with me when she said she wanted to come and visit us and bring her boyfriend. I told her she was always welcome, but made it clear they would be in seperate bedrooms. She couldn't understand why I was being so mean. Again, she accepts this as the norm. Her own father lets her and her boyfriend sleep together. She is not even out of high school yet!! Fortunately she seems to be being safe about it, but the fact that an adult in her life would condone this behaviour seemed strange to me. So again, I think some people are so grateful their kids aren't into meth or something, they overlook the "less serious" behaviours. What are we teaching them?
I know most parents are excellent, and its a lot tougher now. Most people (through no fault of their own) have to have 2 working parents to support their family, and single parent households are on the rise. Its gotta be tough, and I don't claim to understand how hard it must be. But somehow, we need to get the message out to these kids that having a baby as a teenager is just not the answer. There are some really great single moms on the 20 and under forum, but I have read their posts, and they are the first to say how tough it is. We need these young girls to tell their story, and set these others straight. I know they won;t listen to us "old folks". And their are definately many young girls on there that have gotten pregnant on purpose, or are trying to get pregnant. That is where I have trouble with the forum. Information exchanged between 13 year olds, no matter how much more savy they are these days, is going to lead to nothing but trouble.
I know most parents are excellent, and its a lot tougher now. Most people (through no fault of their own) have to have 2 working parents to support their family, and single parent households are on the rise. Its gotta be tough, and I don't claim to understand how hard it must be. But somehow, we need to get the message out to these kids that having a baby as a teenager is just not the answer. There are some really great single moms on the 20 and under forum, but I have read their posts, and they are the first to say how tough it is. We need these young girls to tell their story, and set these others straight. I know they won;t listen to us "old folks". And their are definately many young girls on there that have gotten pregnant on purpose, or are trying to get pregnant. That is where I have trouble with the forum. Information exchanged between 13 year olds, no matter how much more savy they are these days, is going to lead to nothing but trouble.
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy 35 and Older Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
