I looked at my bf bank statements. ..

[bonnieella20]

I need advise. I only knew my bf 3 months and found I was pregnant.  We moved in together and have been trying to make things work. He struggled with drug problems and has seemed to get things under control. He has been in and out of jobs but nothing permanent.  Now he has a few jobs lined up but since its been holidays there was a hold put on them. He gets income from military having served 8 years. So he is able to pay half rent and somewhat half bills. I got nosey just now and opened his bank statements. In December he overdrafted several times to the point where he has hundreds of dollars in overdraft fees. It looks like this isnt the first time but he always ends up paying them. Should I say something?  He is expected to have a job soon but im afraid his immature spending is going to effect us in the future. Our money is separate and I hold up my side of the half but im afraid that wont be the case if he continues this...and once baby is born I expect to spend 500  extra a month for him. Should I wait it out cause I know this will start a fight.? I just wish he would man up and stop spending money on stupid redbull and junk and over drafting. illsay this the next time he runs out of cigs I will not buy them for him. So pissed right now.

[jaloveslorelei]

First off, I would say something and march him to the bank and take every overdraft protection off. I did this and they brought in two bank managers in to persuade me to keep it. Nice thing about not having it... your card just gets declined. You don't get the "convenience" of having them cover the $2 your over drawing so they can slam you with a $35 fee for being so chivalrous. That money goes to baby or savings, not to the banks who f-ed our country and get government assistance. You are not his mother so it's not your job to fix him, but definetely give him standards to meet... sounds like he needs someone who expects more of him!

[bonnieella20]

He is overdrafting on his debit card. And he does pay half of every thing and knows he is still expected to do so. Thanks fo. The advise on not signing a lease w him. Thankfully he does have income from military to always pay rent and some bills but you all are right that I should be concerned. Thank u

[specialmom]

Alarming!!  That is the word I was looking for!!  Great choice of words!

[chloegc1023]

OMG!! That is alarming!  I will not tolerate him not holding up his end.  Tell him he will be expected to pay half of everything without saying u looked at his bank statement.  But at the same time, if he left his statement laying around haphazardly then just sy so, I saw it cuz I was cleaning up and wasn't sure if should throw this away so I looked at it and noticed it was a recent bank statement.  Be clear with him what is expected of him and make him understand that his daughter relies on him.  Hope u guys can work something out.  

[specialmom]

Oh goodness, now this really worries me.  Two big issues going on here.  How long was he out of doing drugs when you got with him?  Drugs can lead to addiction and am wondering if you think he possibly still has a problem (and where his money is going).

Second, that kind of irresponsibility with money is frightening.  It's a crime to purposely write a check you know will bounce (writing bad checks and is considered fraud).  His overdraft is only going to be so much and then once he goes over that limit----  is when someone could press charges for bad checks.  Does that make sense?  And this can destroy any credit he'd ever have which would make it hard to get an apartment, a car, a credit card, etc.  If your credit is tied to his, you'll both pay that price.

I would not sign a lease with him or put yourself on AnY of his bills from his phone, to credit card or anything.  

Yes, say something to him.  These types of financial problems would be a deal breaker to me.  I couldn't live so on the edge like that.  But if it is not a deal breaker for you----  talk to him about how to improve this situation and how to be on the same page financially.  good luck

[mommaDof3]

Keep your accounts separate for sure and do not buy him anything that is not a necessity.  Don't being it up to him now,  wait until the opportunity presents it's self and discuss it. Or you can bring up what the expenses will be after baby get here and approach it that way.