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Older children
Does any one else have ungrateful and lazy older children? It is hard on my pregnancy with stress. My kids do not care how stressed they make me or how much I have to do to clean up after them. All I hear is I want this or that and dinner was not what I want so throw it away and make us each something different. I have one with a birthday in a week and two with birthdays in December. I give the two that have birthdays just before Christmas theirs early so they appreciate the gifts more, with Christmas a few days later the birthday gift don't get the appreciation they deserve. My husband and I decided to give all three their presents today. My 1 year old turning 2 next week loved hers. My 5 yr old got a tinkerbell digital camera for her 6th b-day and my 7 yr old got a new game for her 3ds for her 8th b-day. They complained about what they got and made the I only get one present from you for my birthday comment. I looked for months for these presents and spent more than I should have. It is so stressful they make messes but can't even put their dirty clothes in the hamper or pick their toys up. They are never happy with what they get and I am upset and already on Partial bed rest.
Please don't attack each other. I did not hear anything that sounds like bad parenting. We don't have a handbook given at birth for our kids. We do what works for our children and we all have different opinions. I just wanted opinions from other mothers and to know if my rules were mean and how others deal with the stress while pregnant. You all had great advise.
At Rock Rose as I see your OPINIONS and u necessary at that are directed at me I simply stated what goes on in my household I am a single mother I raise my children as I please.and I have no issues. They don't get there way they are children and will behave as such. You can continue raising yours how you please ascend I will raise mine as I see fit. And I wish you the best of luck.my daughter's are ascend most teens do t think taking away things is gonna make them any less successful than how you are c hosing to raise yours.
Y'all have been very helpful.
They have way too much. I am going to give them a number of each clothing items and toys they can keep and they need to donate the rest. They each have more clothes and stuff than me and hubby do together. Then I will stick to the one gift rule my husband and I came up with. I need to really stick to the chore chart I just felt like I was being mean and feel better knowing other mothers would do the same.
I know how you feel... my boyfriend and I are on our 4th together and he has custody of his oldest ages 10, soon to 8, soon to be 7, and 3. they think I should do all the cleaning cooking and you know what they say to me well you are mommy thats your job is to take care of us. Well I grew very different by the time I was 5 we had chores to do and if they weren't done we didnt get to play no tv nothing. Boyfriend grew with his mom and sisters waiting on him had and foot and thinks sometimes I should do the same. I understand they are just kids but if they dont have rules and chores I feel like they will be ungreatfull little brats that yell and scream at their parents. Right now ive been so frustrated with my kids and I try hard to not take it out them just sit back think how can I get them to understand everything. Just be patient with them and talk to them
It is hard not to spoil them but as you are on here complaining that they are lazy and ungrateful perhaps it's time you look at where spoiling them has gotten. Kids need to learn respect and appreciation for things. They also need to learn the value of what is really important in life, and it's not how much you buy them or how expensive things are. We all have areas that we need work on in parenting so I how I'm not coming across judgy (hard to read with text I know). But I think starting to put in some daily chores would be a good idea. No fun stuff until they are done. You can utilize a colorful chart. Make it fun. But the two older ones are definitely at an age where they can be responsible. If they don't do what they are supposed to they dont gain priviledges. You have to stick with it. It can take a while for it to start to work. With food my kids get one other option if they don't like what's for whatever meal I'm making. I have too much to do to be making five different meals. Good luck mama. The more you stick to your guns and keep up with the boundries the better they will be for you.
Anything I make for dinner is stuff I know they like. They complain because they want cereal or just something else. I would not force them to eat son thing I know they don't like. It seems like they really want to complain. My 4 year old thinks she is a princess and acts like it. It started to get real bad when the first one started school and as they start school it gets bad. The more they are around other kids the more rude and disrespectful they get. I have good rules just feel bad and give in a little too often. I think they need to learn the real meaning behind these holidays and not that they are for giving them loads of toys and candy.
We make one meal in our house, granted it's not fish mushrooms and peppers... (All things my kids hate), plan meals accordingly if it's food they liked before and they're being difficult, that's on them. I've always said this is the food you get if you don't want it there will be another in the morning, they've always eaten their food. My eight year old has at least three chores a day before he is set free after school to play. It's not because we need him to do it and help but to get him used to helping. There are a ton of age appropriate lists for chore ideas. We have our son to laundry, recycling, trash, put dishes away, sweep and clean his room. Try to relax and good luck!!
Rockrose- they still get a birthday all to themselves and a cake and party. They still get presents from guests at their party. I have found that the presents they get right before Christmas kinda get the toss and forget when Christmas gets here. So I found that if I give them to them the month before they enjoy them and play with them and the next month they have Christmas. We always go all out for b-day and Christmas and They got to where they break their stuff and say it's ok Santa will bring me more or you will get me something else for my birthday. So last year my husband and I got together and decided that they get one birthday present from us and one Christmas present from Santa this year. I felt bad about Christmas and was planning to go all out again but I think I changed my mind.
To all advise- thanks for all the ideas and I have already tried some of them and will try some of the others. I do spoil them a lot but it's hard not to. I was spoiled as a child and I was not always happy with gifts but I was taught to act happy to spare the feeling of the gift giver. I turned out fine but I would never have acted the way they do.
To all advise- thanks for all the ideas and I have already tried some of them and will try some of the others. I do spoil them a lot but it's hard not to. I was spoiled as a child and I was not always happy with gifts but I was taught to act happy to spare the feeling of the gift giver. I turned out fine but I would never have acted the way they do.
I'm just kind of sad reading through this thread.
Seems really unnecessarily harsh. I don't think we ever tell adults to eat something they don't like, why do children have to?
The whole tone seems so punitive toward children who are behaving normally for children. The way we teach social graciousness and gratitude is to display it ourselves, and verbally state how grateful we are for all of our blessings, and willingly jump up to help each other out.
Not by taking away toys, scolding children for seeming "ungrateful" and forcing them to eat unappealing food. :(
The children I know who have grown into the most grateful, gracious adults were treated with great kindness and respect and love as children, and shown the way to cooperate together.
Seems really unnecessarily harsh. I don't think we ever tell adults to eat something they don't like, why do children have to?
The whole tone seems so punitive toward children who are behaving normally for children. The way we teach social graciousness and gratitude is to display it ourselves, and verbally state how grateful we are for all of our blessings, and willingly jump up to help each other out.
Not by taking away toys, scolding children for seeming "ungrateful" and forcing them to eat unappealing food. :(
The children I know who have grown into the most grateful, gracious adults were treated with great kindness and respect and love as children, and shown the way to cooperate together.
I agree with @bholcolm whatever you make for dinner they should eat, no getting their own choice you and hubby are the adults and they do not dictate rules of the home. I think you have a decent system maybe just put your foot down otherwise you will stay stressed.
I have a 8and 4 yr old. They know I cook and what I cook they will eat or go without. They have chores that is done daily and I don't remind my older one but wwill tell my 4 yr old it's time to clean. My daughter tried that she didn't like or that isn't what she asked for so it got taken away and she didn't get a party that yr. It is very hard raising kids. Good luck
I have a 10 year old and a 12 year old and 1 on the way...I always talk to them and tell them how good they have things versus me growing up and other children around them...And maybe I spoiled them too much in the beginning, but I had to put my foot down and gradually started incorporating taking away the things that mean the most to them to get their attention. They both brought home bad grades away Trenton d because I know their potential I took away their kindles, ipods, phones, WII system, the pill speaker their allowance money etc...until they can show they are grateful for the things allowed them... I wish you the best of luck hun they are still young so you have a better chance of still turning things around.
wyatt'smom - I'm sorry you're having a bad time.
I think you need a system to get the kids to pick up - and it does take retraining. Kids your kid's ages are self-centered - that's the stage of life they're in.
If you try to fix meals that you know everyone likes, and they don't want to eat it, then they can have a banana or fix themselves a sandwich, etc. You know what they like and if you fix something you know ahead of time they don't like, it does seem right to offer them something else. I say this, but my kids aren't picky at all and so it was easy to find food they'd happily eat. If your kids are really really picky, maybe they can fix their own dinner with help from you?
But the birthday thing. Oooh. 6 and 7 year olds look forward to their birthdays all year. I don't think it was a good idea to lump all three together and hand out their one gift in one fell swoop. My kids, at that age, would have cried about that. Not about the materialism of the gift, but because you basically took away their birthday. Pretty much wiped it off the calendar for the year.
It sounds like you basically said okay kids come here we're going to hand out birthday gifts this year, here's your gift, here's your gift, here's yours.
The whole deal about a birthday is it's YOUR day, and you are special all day long - and if you can't afford much at least the child can choose what the family has for dinner, get to eat off the special "it's my birthday" plate, etc.
I think you need to rethink that.
I think you need a system to get the kids to pick up - and it does take retraining. Kids your kid's ages are self-centered - that's the stage of life they're in.
If you try to fix meals that you know everyone likes, and they don't want to eat it, then they can have a banana or fix themselves a sandwich, etc. You know what they like and if you fix something you know ahead of time they don't like, it does seem right to offer them something else. I say this, but my kids aren't picky at all and so it was easy to find food they'd happily eat. If your kids are really really picky, maybe they can fix their own dinner with help from you?
But the birthday thing. Oooh. 6 and 7 year olds look forward to their birthdays all year. I don't think it was a good idea to lump all three together and hand out their one gift in one fell swoop. My kids, at that age, would have cried about that. Not about the materialism of the gift, but because you basically took away their birthday. Pretty much wiped it off the calendar for the year.
It sounds like you basically said okay kids come here we're going to hand out birthday gifts this year, here's your gift, here's your gift, here's yours.
The whole deal about a birthday is it's YOUR day, and you are special all day long - and if you can't afford much at least the child can choose what the family has for dinner, get to eat off the special "it's my birthday" plate, etc.
I think you need to rethink that.
I agree with you nonishy.. We have to remember we are raising adults these kids dont say kids forever. My 6yr old makes herself snack sandwiches i do not run behind her for everything. This morning she washed the face basins while i clean the rest of the bathrooms. Helping is not a option , its expected and greatly appreciated. They are old enough give them THEIR MONEY AND LET THEM SEE HOW MUCH IT BUYS. My daughter will say thats not worth that much lol. She has $50 for mths now she is waiting to spend it on the right thing.
Take their gifts away and lock them up. Maybe they will want them afterwards. Tell them they are being rude and selfish, and greedy. Tell them they need to be happy with what you get them or feed them. That their are kids out there living on the street with no toys or food.
Sometimes you have to be straight forward with them. If they continue to be like this it will only get harder as they get older. If you have too you may want to think about discipline. Time out, or spanking.
When my kid was younger she would complain about the food. I would take it away and wrap it up and tell her when she is hungry it's in the fridge and that I'm not making anything else. And when she learns to cook and clean she can make her own food. Well about an hour later she would say she's ready to eat and then I would heat up the food and she would eat it.
Same with the toys, if she didn't appreciate them i would take them and lock them up. And tell her that she has nothing now. And when she is finally wants it to tell me thank you and be happy that she got something.
These are things that work for me. My daughter is now 11yrs old and every once in awhile i still have to deal with this but not nearly as much as before.
One time she had bad grades in school and a bad attitude, it got close to her bday and still no improvement, i did however by a gift for her but did not give it to her. She was sad, she had no bday. I explained to her why she started acting right and everything and a month later we celebrated her bday.
Maybe you can start doing this, maybe it'll help you. You just need to stand your ground and make sure the kids realize that you mean business.
Also this helps when you also tell them to help clean up, and after you can give them a cookie or some loose change.
Reward for good behavior, punish for bad.
Sorry this is so long, but i hope it helps.
Sometimes you have to be straight forward with them. If they continue to be like this it will only get harder as they get older. If you have too you may want to think about discipline. Time out, or spanking.
When my kid was younger she would complain about the food. I would take it away and wrap it up and tell her when she is hungry it's in the fridge and that I'm not making anything else. And when she learns to cook and clean she can make her own food. Well about an hour later she would say she's ready to eat and then I would heat up the food and she would eat it.
Same with the toys, if she didn't appreciate them i would take them and lock them up. And tell her that she has nothing now. And when she is finally wants it to tell me thank you and be happy that she got something.
These are things that work for me. My daughter is now 11yrs old and every once in awhile i still have to deal with this but not nearly as much as before.
One time she had bad grades in school and a bad attitude, it got close to her bday and still no improvement, i did however by a gift for her but did not give it to her. She was sad, she had no bday. I explained to her why she started acting right and everything and a month later we celebrated her bday.
Maybe you can start doing this, maybe it'll help you. You just need to stand your ground and make sure the kids realize that you mean business.
Also this helps when you also tell them to help clean up, and after you can give them a cookie or some loose change.
Reward for good behavior, punish for bad.
Sorry this is so long, but i hope it helps.
So u have four lazy kids? I would sit them all down and have a family meeting with everyone and dad. U guys need to explain that u will need their help in keeping the house organized and clean and also explain that if they don't appreciate what they're being fed, then they can just as easily prepare themselves a measly sandwich. I don't think u have to go around after them since they can do all that themselves. u and dad need to be on the same page. And not baby them so much. If u continue like this ull have another lazy kid on the way that doesn't want to help. Time to regulate ur household mommy!
Hi your not alone. My 4th and last I'm carrying I'm only 6 weeks and already feeling stressed.I have a 1 year old 4 and 7 and they are all playing a big part n my frustration.They don't clean either they want what they want and complain about everything. Lol you just gotta take it one DAT at a time and try n make sure u have at least a hour of mommy time a day to relax n breathe. Its hard but we will get through it.Good luck
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