Rainbow Baby....

[Faloon26]

I'm 21 weeks into my pregnancy and I want to vent. I lost my son in December (I was 16 weeks and had to deliver him) and I have so many fears and mixed emotions.

I was happy and scared when my husband and I found out we were expecting.

Every day was stressful and I went to the ER about 6 times for any little thing that scared me.

We kept it a secret until a week ago because I was terrified that if I got my hopes up like the last time I'd only get hurt.

I'm happy and blessed beyond measure to be able to come this far. I can't help but check on her and hear her heartbeat several times and day.

I allowed myself to start buying her clothes and start planning for her arrival but every single day is scary for me. If I don't feel her move right when I wake up I try to "wake" her up. I then proceed to find her heartbeat and I'm not at ease until I hear it. My husband worried the other day when it took me longer than usual to find her heartbeat and I hate the fact that we live each day being nervous but trying to stay positive.

I love my daughter so much and at the same time I miss my son terribly and wonder why he didn't make it. Then I feel bad like I'm not appreciative enough for being blessed with a healthy pregnancy this far.

The hurt will never go away, the fear will always be there....pregnancy after child loss is so hard. I just want to hold our baby girl and know that our son is watching down on us.

[luckymomtobe17]

I will keep you in my prayers! I am 35weeks with my rainbow. I have two previous babies watching down on me and their sister. I wish I could Say it got easier for me it hasn't. I miss my babies more and more each day. I am happy to have a healthy baby growing but I still worry and will continue to worry until I have her in my arms.

[Nov7thmommy]

I've had 3 miscarriages, the last one was last year at 17 weeks, and now I'm 27 weeks pregnant, thank God, I'm always nervous, always afraid that something might happen, but I enjoying my blessing right now, I had the baby shower this weekend cause I might have the baby earlier, and now I can start buying whatever I didn't get

[Faloon26]

I never felt this feeling when I had my 3 other children because I've never experienced a miscarriage before. I long to be as nieve as I once was.

[peanut495]

I have never lost a kid and I have all these Same fears.

[lauritaBonita]

I had to deliver my daughter at 23 weeks and 4 days bcuz there was no heart beat, I got pregnant only a month after this and I was soo scared I wpulwould cry at every appointment before they put the dopler to my belly bcuz I thought there might b no heart beat then when I would hear it I would ask the dr if she was sure it sounded normal to her. Its natural to worry after such a horrible incident but it does get better. I am 37 weeks and 4 days now and I dont cry at my prenatal appointments anymore, I still worry all the time but I dont usually break down. There is a rainbow after the storm and I pray that we get our rainbow :)

[mummybobs]

Hi. I feel like I'm reading a story about myself.  I was 16weeks 6 days my last pregnancy and had to deliver a few days before Christmas.  It takes all the innocent out of being pregnant and as much as I try to enjoy it im scared stupid. Im 27 weeks now and if I don't feel kicks and movement for a while I really panic.  I didnt buy a doppler be because I thought I would drive myself bonkers with it and have it permanently attached to me. I really want to say to you everything thing will be ok but you know as well as I do know one can make that reassurance . All I will say is I wish you the very best of luck and hope we both have happy healthy bundles of joy xxx

[cml82288]

I have a friend that has had 4 miscarriages and she is about 26 weeks now and everything is going smoothly. I hope you will be the same, praying for you in your baby girl. Try not to be so much on edge the more you stress she will too. Again sending prayers!!

[Faloon26]

Thank you. I have had 2 miscarriages and considered high risk but thank the Lord everything is going smooth so far. I'm always afraid I'll "jinx" myself (silly, I know)

What scares me every time is when they check her heartbeat at the doctor.

Hubby took me to the doctor for severe back pain back in December and before we were given the okay to leave they wanted to check the baby out to make sure he was okay. The worst words we've heard was he no longer had a heartbeat.  Our world came crashing down. I have 3 children from a previous marriage but this was my husband's first baby and I felt like I failed him as a wife and my son for not "protecting" him.

She's very active right now and I love being able to feel her. I cherish every moment with her.

[springblessings2014]

Keep praying mom . God bless jesus will help you you only have to believe in his wonderful power . You will see glory of God . Praised the Lord of heaven . Think positive be relax mami .hope to hear from you always .

[chisaac]

I've never experienced that but just reading it is heart breaking. My due date is the same as yours by the way so we're on the same time line. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. I'm confident that your daughter is OK and your son will never ever leave your side!

[Faloon26]

I want it to be Christmas already (my due date) so I can stop with the up and downs of wondering will she make it then telling myself she WILL make it!!