kids adjusting to new baby

[hutch2996]

My stepdaughter just called her dad freaking out! She thinks once baby is here ge won't love her any more and she won't be daddy's fav any longer( up until 2.5yrs ago it was just him and her, then it became them and my daughter and i). My stepdaughter will be 11 on the 16th. I have had a feeling this was coming because her behavior has gotten worse. When she's here she stays in her room, has not been listening at all until one of us gets mad and she gets in trouble, her back talking and interrupting and having to put her thoughts in every conversation has became second nature for her. She has even asked why we are naming the baby after her dad. I didn't understand what she meant by we so i asked and she said her my hubs and i are naming him after the hubs. I don't know what to do or how to go about changing this but know i need some advise!

[momof3girlz999]

I think if you spend time with her alone and take her to do activities she enjoys like go to the movies or go to the mall she might open up and tell you how she feels. I have an 11 year old and a 8 year old who were both jealous over the birth of their little sister (now 2). We started mommy and me days. Once a month (different days) I would take each of them to hang out for a few hours alone with me. They both still to this day look forward to our time alone and no one fights because they know their time will come. Before my youngest was born they were both completely happy and helped get ready for her birth. They both love her soooo much and are like little mommies to her. :-)

[hutch2996]

Thanks shastas!  :-).  @ tay thanks too! Her attitudes do come and go they have just been more of a constant now that it's almost time. She seems really excited to be a big sister and loved being able to go to dr appts with me up until last week when i said no cuz they do the pelvic now. I just wish there was an easy button to this right now. It hurts and i know she is hurting and feeling less important and that is the last thing that i want her to feel.

[Tay9662]

Well she might feel more left out than you notice, your a mother(so your kids are with you most the time if not all the time) she is probably with her mother most of the time to so she probably feels her dads being taken away from her because now he's going to have another person there.. and the attitude thing she's almost a teenager that's only going to get worse but it will come and go

[shastas84]

Like I said, it's going to take time. The most important thing is that you love her. That's evident by the fact that this bothers you so much. And I have to say, thank you for that. :) My oldest 3 are not my husband's biological either. And I have total respect and love for people like you and him. (People who don't see yours and mine but simply love the child the same)

[hutch2996]

Thanks ladies. I have tried to involve her as much as possible along the way. It's just really heart wrenching to know that even tho she has been included in everything other than the name that she feels the way she does plus the preg hormones just make it seem that much worse

[shastas84]

My older kids have this every time I tell them a new one is coming. What has worked for us is to completely involve the kids in prepping for the new baby. We seek their input on the name, the nursery, things like that. And my hubby and I separately spend extra one on one time with each of the kids. It will take time. But she will feel better. Hope this helps.

[sassymommy88]

I am in the same boat as you... why I have decided to do is let his 8 year old be as involved as possible... whether its helping choose the coming home outfit to her input on where to put the baby furniture in the room.. that was she still feels in control and feels like she's still just as important... the attitude will just go or change with age is what I am trying to convince myself:p