pointless paternity testing?

Question

First off let me point out that he and I both know undoubtedly that she is his. He got spooked when I told him I was pregnant and backed away for a short time. We had only been seeing each other for 2 months and I was on birth control so it shocked us both. He knew that I  hadn't been with anyone in over a year before him and I started dating. It was long distance (2hrs) so I couldn't do much about his involvement. I hadn't even met his family. Now I'm 5 months and he is very much involved. He says his family will want a paternity test done to prove she's his even though both of us know. Just because it will be a big deal if we didn't. They know that I had no issues and was totally willing and understanding to go ahead with it just to put their minds at ease. They don't even want him to sign the birth certificate until the results come back. But they still want to meet me and get to know me before she's born. It will be hard for me knowing that they don't trust either of us that he is her daddy. But the main thing that worries me now is the cost of the testing! I did some research and it could be anywhere from $400-$2000!!!! It's pointless to  waste that kind of $ on proving what we already know. It could instead be used towards the baby. I'm afraid to bring it up for fear of putting even more doubt in their minds or his for that matter. Sorry for it being so long I'm just confused. Any input is appreciated.

HanEli1980 · Answer

I think you should both sit down and talk to them about it.  Explain that you're both positive that its his and financially you can't see spending that kind of money on something you know the answer to. Tell them that if they'd like to pay for it, you'd be happy to have one done.

BritNyabuto · Answer

Usually the hospital will do it when the baby is born and the insurance will cover it...but if you wait then you have to pay out of pocket. Anyhow that is how it was 6 years ago here when I had my first daughter.

rosealie23 · Answer

If it has got to be paid for then tell them you are happy to test but they must pay for it..

ThY_MrS_Decker · Answer

I would make his family pay for it.

baseballmama83 · Answer

Even though they've got it to throw away I would still rather them not waste it but use it for her instead.

ThY_MrS_Decker · Answer

If they have the money just let them ...don't feel bad u didn't do anything. ..I mean if u were sleeping around I could see u paying part but since u weren't and he knows u weren't it's not your responsibly to pay anything for the test..don't feel bad

baseballmama83 · Answer

I am an army veteran so the VA is paying for all of my maternity but I don't think they would pay for the testing. Even if they did the results wouldn't be back before time to sign the birth certificate.

rosealie23 · Answer

That sounds like there is something to hide. They won't give your baby any money without that test. If you say anything about them wasting money on the test they won't have anything to do with you or your baby. I was raised with brothers and boy cousins and my family always had baby tested. If the mother refused or put up any kind of resistance they were seen to be lieing. Not saying that you are but that is what they will think.

sweetmila · Answer

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. This is yours and his baby. You both are the parents. If they are so set on you two getting a test then tell them to pay for it. All your money should be going to the baby. I hate it when family is just so overbearing. I get they are just looking out for him but if yall both know then that's all that matters.

sweetmila · Answer

I say just let them take care of it and get it over with so they can get out of yalls hair and back off. It'll only stress you out if you don't.

rosealie23 · Answer

I look at it like this if it were my son I would want the test. Its not like they have a daughter and know the baby is theirs. You know this baby is yours with no doubt but they dint have that. I would not pay for the test if I was you but I would not have a problem putting there mind at ease. Then if they give you a hassle about how you are raising your baby you have something to throw at them. U know well I already did what you want and I am done doing you favors.

sweetmila · Answer

I agree ^ I like where your heads at @rosealie23 lol

baseballmama83 · Answer

That's my point exactly rosealie. I'm afraid to say anything because it'll look bad. I was raised in a family of males and I understand where they would be coming from.

2ndBabyDueFeb13th · Answer

Why does his family have so much control over 2 grown adults having a child? U dont have to prove paternity to anyone. You nor the childs father dont need anyones consent for him to accept the child or sign the birth certificate. If the family is that ignorant they dont deserve to be involved. This age group is for 25~3r so im sure u guys are adults and there is no way their family can have any say in this. You two raise your chikd happily, he sugns he birth certificate and accepts the child, so what what they think. That is pure bs. Good luck sweety.

Huni_b · Answer

I agree with ^^.
its between you and your husband. you know the truth and he trusts you, that's all that matters. who are they to make things complicated?!
let him continue being involved, sign the birth certificate and help you raise this baby that belongs to both of you.
maybe if the hospital does a routine test for free, have it done. but don't bother if the results will be out on time or not. he knows he's the daddy. his overbearing mom shouldnt keep a grown man from signing the birth certificate of his own baby.

3rdNdone · Answer

I would have a problem more with him not being a leader and shutting his family down more than I would about how they feel. If his family has that much control it could very well be a problem after the baby is born.

Wolfeenix · Answer

My friends mother in law talked them into getting a paternity test and things have never been the same.

mrskia3 · Answer

If his family want the test make them pay simple

ejohn23 · Answer

First off let me say two grown people should be able to work this out.... But also if there nothing to hide y not ...  My fiance wants to have a test done just because of a past relationship where she was at hospital and another man shows up as well like is my son born yet like wtf.... So he just want to be sure and to put his mind at ease i agreed to it he know and i know his the only one i been with in the last three years but to make him comfortable i just said yes sure y not .... Makes him feel better

rosealie23 · Answer

I am married to my children's father and getting married was his idea, I never wanted to get married. His family had doubts if our oldest was his. He told them to mind their own business and he knew that she was his. Well 10 yrs and 4 kids later guess what still popped up in an argument. We were having a disagreement and I told him that we were being to loud and our kids would hear us, he said well there probably not my kids any way. He thought that since I did not insist and just went with what he said that they might not be his. I told him that if he wanted a test I supported him completely because I knew they are his and have nothing to hide. He said he believed me, I think he did not want to look studied after the fit he threw. He may want to support you but that does not mean he does not have doubts deep down. Its best to go ahead and show that you have nothing to hide and support the baby's daddy's right to know. You don't have to be happy about his family putting their nose where it don't belong but, they will put the doubt in his mind even if he does believe you. After the test let his family know that since they did not trust you that you don't trust them. You don't have to be nice about them trying to make him doubt you, but you want to make sure you clear up any doubt he may have because of them. Good luck...

SaSa28 · Answer

in the judicial system they usually wait until the results are recieved before choosing who has to pay for it. if the baby is the suspect dady's, then he has to pay for it. if the baby is found not to be the his, then the mom pays. im not sure if that info helps, but I hope it dose. either way when its done I hope things look up for you and his family,  or scrap the family and he becomes a man; and you and he have a better life

Jessica408 · Answer

Agree with 2ndBabyDueFeb13th

pointless paternity testing?

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