Aa
My family is going to drive me insane!
Not really a question, more of a rant, but if anyone has any advice I'll listen :-).
It's mainly my grandmother that is driving me crazy. I don't even know where to start, but she is completely self centered, possessive (if that's what you'd call it), intrusive and I don't even know what else.
She's always been this way but until 2 1/2 years ago she had my grandfather to tell her when to back off, but then he passed away and she is completely unbearable.
I'm a stay at home mom and I don't often leave my daughter with anyone, and my mom and Gram get mad at me about it,and jealous if I leave her with anyone else (like my husbands family). They won't admit it, but if she spends any time with anyone else (alone or with me) I'll get phone calls or emails begging me to let them spend time with her. I wouldn't have a problem with that except that they drive me nuts. Most of the time they won't respect my rules, and because of them my daughter often ends up getting in trouble for doing things she knows she's not allowed to do because she knows they will let her (even if I said not to). Or if I tell them not to do something with her or let her do something, they'll argue with me and say oh well what if we just did it this way? Or what if we just don't for a little bit? I hate when my kid talks back to me like that, and they're just teaching her how!
My grandmother lives less than 5 minutes away and excepts to be able to show up at my house for "playtime" with my daughter whenever she wants. If I answer the phone and tell her no because whatever reason, she comes anyway, and if I don't answer the phone she shows up anyway. The only way to avoid it is to literally leave my house and hide at a friend's house.
I'm 35 weeks pregnant and when I am home and not out running errands, I don't want to be at home entertaining. I'm trying to get my house ready for a new baby and when I'm not busy doing that I just want to relax with my daughter. Today I got an email saying she expects to be able to spend at least an hour a week with her because she doesn't see her as much as she wants. Well that would be fine if she knew what an hour was, UT every time she comes for a "quick" visit, she stays 4, 5 or 6! She stays and invites herself for supper, and then spoon feeds my daughter (who doesn't need spoon fed like a baby at 4 years old). I once told her my daughter was sick and we were going to bed early and she came back anyway and curled up in MY bed with my daughter and I!!!!! If I say I'm going somewhere, she asks what time and then will come back until that time and not leave until she sees me buckle my daughter into her carseat and I've started the car!
I'm a very independent person and lots of people tell me I'm being selfish but it's just so much more than that. I just want her to respect me and understand that I'm just not the type of person that likes having people around all the time, especially when I have stuff to do!
Now I'm scared to death to have this baby because it's only going to get worse with him here. Like I said, before my grandfather passed he would tell her to back off that we needed time alone. Or when they did come to visit he would stay for an hour or 2 and then "remind" her that they had been there long enough and that it was time to go. I really don't think I'm going to be able to handle this much longer. I've tried to explain to her as nicely as possible but she just gets offended and gets mad at me and says well so and so gets to see her more than me, or she lays some sort of guilt trip (she is the QUEEN of guilt trips) about my grandfather......
Anyways, sorry this was so long, and if you've stuck through reading this much, maybe you have some sort of advice..... If not thanks for reading and letting me vent!!
It's mainly my grandmother that is driving me crazy. I don't even know where to start, but she is completely self centered, possessive (if that's what you'd call it), intrusive and I don't even know what else.
She's always been this way but until 2 1/2 years ago she had my grandfather to tell her when to back off, but then he passed away and she is completely unbearable.
I'm a stay at home mom and I don't often leave my daughter with anyone, and my mom and Gram get mad at me about it,and jealous if I leave her with anyone else (like my husbands family). They won't admit it, but if she spends any time with anyone else (alone or with me) I'll get phone calls or emails begging me to let them spend time with her. I wouldn't have a problem with that except that they drive me nuts. Most of the time they won't respect my rules, and because of them my daughter often ends up getting in trouble for doing things she knows she's not allowed to do because she knows they will let her (even if I said not to). Or if I tell them not to do something with her or let her do something, they'll argue with me and say oh well what if we just did it this way? Or what if we just don't for a little bit? I hate when my kid talks back to me like that, and they're just teaching her how!
My grandmother lives less than 5 minutes away and excepts to be able to show up at my house for "playtime" with my daughter whenever she wants. If I answer the phone and tell her no because whatever reason, she comes anyway, and if I don't answer the phone she shows up anyway. The only way to avoid it is to literally leave my house and hide at a friend's house.
I'm 35 weeks pregnant and when I am home and not out running errands, I don't want to be at home entertaining. I'm trying to get my house ready for a new baby and when I'm not busy doing that I just want to relax with my daughter. Today I got an email saying she expects to be able to spend at least an hour a week with her because she doesn't see her as much as she wants. Well that would be fine if she knew what an hour was, UT every time she comes for a "quick" visit, she stays 4, 5 or 6! She stays and invites herself for supper, and then spoon feeds my daughter (who doesn't need spoon fed like a baby at 4 years old). I once told her my daughter was sick and we were going to bed early and she came back anyway and curled up in MY bed with my daughter and I!!!!! If I say I'm going somewhere, she asks what time and then will come back until that time and not leave until she sees me buckle my daughter into her carseat and I've started the car!
I'm a very independent person and lots of people tell me I'm being selfish but it's just so much more than that. I just want her to respect me and understand that I'm just not the type of person that likes having people around all the time, especially when I have stuff to do!
Now I'm scared to death to have this baby because it's only going to get worse with him here. Like I said, before my grandfather passed he would tell her to back off that we needed time alone. Or when they did come to visit he would stay for an hour or 2 and then "remind" her that they had been there long enough and that it was time to go. I really don't think I'm going to be able to handle this much longer. I've tried to explain to her as nicely as possible but she just gets offended and gets mad at me and says well so and so gets to see her more than me, or she lays some sort of guilt trip (she is the QUEEN of guilt trips) about my grandfather......
Anyways, sorry this was so long, and if you've stuck through reading this much, maybe you have some sort of advice..... If not thanks for reading and letting me vent!!
Well good luck to you! And stay firm on where you stand. Grandma need to quit with guilt trips she's not fooling anyone.
Oh I plan on it.... I just wish it wasn't so hard and I wish my mother and grandmother would see things from my point of view.... I mean my mother says she understands because she's her daughter and she had to deal with it when I was a kid, but she said it was just easier for her to let her take me and do what she wanted than to try and stand up to her.... And no she goes out of her way to spend hours on the phone with her or visit with her when she doesn't want to because she feels bad that my grandfather died.... What she doesn't seem to understand is that I am not like her. I don't give in just because it is easier to, I'm stubborn and will not let anyone guilt me into doing something I don't want to do or something I don't think is right for my family!
Man that S.U.C.K.S!!! Well you can still be a little sneaky around it. ;) you take the controll. You can always say you had low bars around s couldn't get thru from the hospital. Or call them when some time as passed so you can first get there relax around did just prepare for the circus. Lol
Did I mention I'm an only child (at least on my mom's side) and my uncle died when I was young so I'm also an only grandchild, which makes my children the only great grand children? Lol
I'm thinking about asking my friend to go and watch her. I was with her when she had her daughter last year, and thought it would be nice if she could be there to take my daughter out of the room when it actually came time to push (I don't think she should be there for that). But she works full time and has 2 kids of her own so I don't think that will really be possible..... And unless I go into labour in the middle of the night, they'll get mad if I don't call. My mother in law works at the hospital so if it's during the day then she will know about it and she will be there, but she will also go on her way and mind her business until she's asked to participate.... But then comes the jealousy part,because God forbid that she can be there when my family wasn't even notified... Grrrrr lol
Well it doesn't sound like you being selfish. It's stressing you out. You can tell the nurses that only allow you and your husband in. They can keep others out till your ready. I wanted my daughter there too when my son was born but she was getting all antsy and bored and my husband was getting annoyed so we took her to grandmas. But I definitely wouldn't want anyone but daughter and husband in there with you if I were you. When you go into labor you have control over that. Don't even call them when your going to the hospital. Just wait. But do pack some entertainment stuff for your daughter. And tell the nurses ypu only want your husband and daughter only and not to let anyone else in. Have your husband's support with your decisions. You don't need unnecessary stress for you.
I think the worst part is I would NOT be where I am today (literally, she owns my house lol) if it wasn't for her and my grandfather. My parents were great but weren't rich and my grandparents paid for A LOT of things for me growing up. When I got pregnant (I lived away) and wanted to move home, I couldn't because there was no where to rent and my husband and I have bad credit and couldn't get a mortgage so they bought us a house and we pay her the mortgage. Same with my car when mine broke down and I couldn't afford a new one. She likes to "help" but also uses that "help" against me (hence guilt trips) and that's why everyone tells me I'm being selfish. I've tried being firm and telling them why I do what I do, or say what I do and it might work for a week but then they go right back to the way they were before. Now they're bugging me about who gets my daughter when I go to the hospital to have the baby. No one is going to get her, she is coming with us. She wants to be there and I promised her she could be the first to meet her baby brother, so now they all want to go to be there with her while I'm in labour and I don't want them there either..... If it came down to it I would rather be alone giving birth and have my husband stay outside the room with her then have them all there bugging me and passing around the baby as soon as he's born.... But I know that's not going to happen either.... It's one of those d@mned if you do d@mned if you don't types of situations and I'm stuck right in the middle of it. The only person that understands is my dad but he can't do anything to help me because then my mom just gets mad at him.
I'm so sorry! That's unfair to you not even selfish. My problem was my mom in law would treat my daughter like she was little when she was already 3 or 4. I one day couldn't take my mom in laws gossiping about a cousin of my husband's that I stood up for them and then somehow it turned into me talking about how I didn't like living with them and told her everything that bothered me about her and the way she was treating my daughter. She did get annoyed & mad but it turned out for the best. She changed her ways when it came to my daughter and doesn't do things her way. It did make our relationship better as well. Maybe being firm with your family could work but your the mom and you know better. I just didn't want my daughter being raised like my husband and he even agrees.
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