Unsupportive Spouse

[klwhite04]

Has anyone else made the choice to have a Natural birth? I'm set on natural child birth but I've only recently decided that I would like the birth of my child to be as comfortable and spiritual as possible. I'm 21 and this is my first child. Before getting pregnant I started on a journey in order to become a more spiritual and balanced person and only now have a realized I don't hve to give that up because I'm pregnant. My problem is that my boyfriend doesn't support the idea which is stressing me out. He hates to read and even after promising to read up on things he refuses. How can I get him to understand? I keep trying to talk to him but it's going through one ear and out the other. Please Help!!!!!! I need his support. He is suppose to be my biggest advocate. What should I do?

[rccresswell]

Sorry I didn't answer your question.  I am hoping to go natural this time round as well.  I had my son and daughter naturally.  My goal this time is to get to hospital a bit earlier.  With my daughter I left for the hospital at 745pm and had her at 8:28.  I was in labour from 6pm the night before and it took us 20 minutes to get to hospital so I made it just in time.

My goal is to get this baby out safe.  If for some reason I need to have a c section then I am open to it as a last RESORT.  I am pretty sure I can do it withouth the drugs this time round since I have done it twice before but you just never know what can go wrong.

So yes I am hoping to do it natural!!!  Goodluck!!!!

[rccresswell]

I do mostly agree with the other women.  Try to not set your goals to high because if you need the drugs then you might disappoint yourself.

My best advice if you want to go natural/drugfree is to prepare yourself mentally.  When I was pregnant with my son I always said to myself "bring on the pain, I'm looking forward to it"  I would imagine the most incredible pain I could and sort of brain wash myself lol.  Instead of turning labour into a fear I changed it into something positive and something to look forward to.

When I went into labour with my son it started about 10pm.  The contractions were bearable and as I went through them my husband SLEPT!!!!!!  At about 4am I went and had a bath because they were getting sore and called my mum telling her I was getting sore.  From about 5am they were 5 minutes apart.  At about 6 my hubby and I went for a walk which was too sore so we went to my mum;s house.  The only reason we went to my mum's house was because that was the hosue I felt most comfortable.  I laboured all day and at about 6pm called my midwife and she told me I wasn't ready yet.  This was when they were getting really, really sore.  I hopped in the bath and for an hour my sis and sis n law poured water over me.

When I got out the bath I saw my show, etc.  Called my midwife again and she said wait a little longer.  By the time we left for the hospital I couldn't sit down, so I could only lie in the back seat.  I got to hospital and was 8cm and got in the birthing pool.  I got to the hospital at 830pm and had my son at 11:14pm.  My son was on my spine so it was very, very painful trying to get him out but I coped.  

My midwife was big on listening to your body and never told me to push.  When I felt the urge to push I pushed.  It was a magical and relaxing experience because we had music playing in the background and didn't know what we were having.

I hope that gives you some ideas when you do decide to go into labour.  Go somewhere you feel most comfortable!!!!  even if that is hospital, water is a great pain relief, and keep moving!!!!!!!  Try not to stay in one place too long.  My midwife said your uterus is a muscle if you tense up it isn't going to work properly so you need to stay relaxed.  I tried that my moving my bottom and shaking my hands - crazy I know lol.

Stay positive but don't set your heights too high

BTW ny hubby didn't really offer much support during labour lol.  I had my sis and sis n law there and they were awesome!!!!  Maybe you could think about having another support person :)

[lil_lady25]

I wouldnt worry about your hubby's stubborness. Men take pregnancy completely different than we do. We carry the child which makes the experience so much more real and for the men it doesnt really kick in until the baby is actually in their arms. Have you told him that you felt like he was being unsupportive? Maybe he doesnt even realize it...

[Dani711]

I too would suggest on not getting TOO hung up on your birth plan.  My friend wanted natural and tried  to do it at her house.  After over 24 hours of labor the midwife suggested they go to the hospital.  The baby wasn't going to come out and she had to have a c-section to save both their lives.  NOT saying not to plan what you want, but have a plan B, C, and D :)  Most important thing is getting that baby out safe and making sure you are safe so you can be there for the baby.

When you get closer take some birthing classes with your boyfriend.  This will give you both time to discuss it with all the options and force him to be informed.  The birthing classes will show you methods of how to get through labor naturally and if you can't do it...then you are not by any means weak...but at least you BOTH will be fully informed.  Enjoy your pregnancy :)

[Majikat]

Men are idiots they all are!!! There is really nothing you can do but tell him how you feel about it but will he actually listen? My bf does not listen to anything I say about the pregnancy.... He wants the baby but is not interested in any of the pregnancy stuff wich angers me cause I feel like I'm doing everything alone which whatever I will get over it... He hasn't even felt the baby kick yet....lol whatever.... Don't let him persway you to change your labor experience cause believe me it's you going through it not him..... Get a doula to bs second support partner and that might be better for you and she would prob give the support you need to get through labor

[SunWorshiper_26]

I am not doing a natural childbirth. My motto for labor is DRUG ME ;) But I've been a birth coach to two family members who did have a natural childbirth. The most important thing I can tell you about it is to not ever be inflexible. The goal of every labor and delivery should be get the baby out safely. You are NOT a failure if you have to use medication or even if you have a c-section. As long as you and baby are safe that is what's most important.

Every man experiences labor and delivery differently. Some men will freak out and be overwhelmed or panic while others are going to be right there in your face practically ready to catch the baby themselves lol. As scary as it is for you to basically have a semi truck plow through your vagina it is just as hard and scary for someone who loves you so much watch you experience such pain.

There is a natural child birth kit for men and women to do together called the pink kit. It was put together by a man in Australia who wanted to help men and women work together through childbirth. I'd suggest this as it is interactive has activities to practice and all. If your honey isn't into reading about it see if he would like to take a class with you. Even though you have your own set way of how you want things to go it is important to listen to him as well and ask him how he envisions labor and delivery what does he want it to be like. Are there any traditions or anything that he wants to have from his family?  It takes two to make a baby and you want him to feel just as a part if it as baby comes out as when baby went in ;)  

Feb might also seem like a long time from now for him and he feels like he has more time. This is more real for us right now we are the ones getting bigger, we are the ones who are feeling the baby all the time and have the cravings and so on. They don't have this constant reminder ;)

Hope I could help