Feeling guilty over a friends loss

[forestfairie]

Im feeling a bit down today. My best friend just found out that her baby has no heartbeat. She is going in for D and C this morning. I really dont know what to say to her and with me being pregnant too it all feels so strange. I feel almost guilty for being ok. Does that make any sense?

[forestfairie]

thanks so much for the support ladies. i think i will just keep talk of my pregnancy under wraps until she wants to talk about it. it helps that she lives on the other side of the country so i wont have to see her face to face. that makes it harder to though you know? she just wanted her baby ever so much and mine was completely unplanned. im just blessed to have what i have.

[30something13]

I found out that I lost my baby on the same day my older sister found out she was pregnant after 13 years of trying. I was so happy for her but when I hung the phone up I cried uncontrolably! THen in three days she found  out she had lost the baby. It took her 6 weeks for her HCG to com down to zero and I got pregnant right away. I was so horrified to tell her. Thes emotions are hard no matter what and there is no right words. You just have to give it time and it will heal. Some need to hear you are sorry and feel bad and some it makes worse! This is never an easy thing which ever end you are on!

[Atlantisea]

I also had the opposite happen. I went in for a D&C at the same hospital and on the same day as my friend went in for her c-section! It was horrible. I couldn't bring myself to visit and see the baby while she was there. (at that stage I never wanted to see the place again). But it does get easier over time, just wait until she asks about the baby/pregnancy before you talk about it.

[Jaydensmum]

Yes it does make sense...I have been in the same situation except I was the one who lost the baby.  My sister-in-law and I found out we were both pregnant within a week of each other in 2001, unfortunately I lost my baby at about 8 weeks.  Not only did I feel sad & upset at my loss I also felt awful that my sister-in-law felt guilty that she was still pregnant...I could see it in her face every time I saw her which also meant she couldn't show her happiness and excitement for fear she would upset me.  All I can say is that I felt no resentment towards my sister-in-law, I was happy for her, I just needed a little time to grieve for my baby. In your position I would just let her know that your there for her if she needs you and maybe not talk about your pregnancy with or around her for a little while until she has had time to grieve, but definitely don't feel guilty, you deserve to be happy & excited about your pregnany!  Best wishes to you and your friend.