1811308 tn?1357250178

Been trying for a baby for 2 years now husband says he doesn't want one.

Hi all, Me and my husband have been married since July 2015 and planned to try for the last 3 years but didn't start till around the March before the wedding. Anyways i have 2 children from my previous relationship and husband doesn't have any. We tried for about 18 months and then went to the doctors who sent us for first test like taking blood from myself to check levels and husband had a sperm count done... All came back normal. Was told to continue what we were doing and continue tracking and to go back March 2017 (Now). We have always spoke and even picked names and each month sat hoping aunt flo didn't come. It was one of our life plans together. We literally had everything in place and told our families we were trying which were all super excited. However this January out of the blue he came out with he doesn't want a baby. He wants to stop trying and hes happy with our unit of 4.  I'm really struggling to come to terms with this. He wont talk about it and every time i try he clams up and before i know it we are arguing again. My feelings for a baby are so strong now after all this time and planning but he just seems to of made his mind up and i am suppose to respect that's his choice. I do respect him don't get me wrong but all i have got from him is he is happy with our unit of 4 and doesn't think he will cope. I'm losing my mind, I cant turn my feeling off and it really is starting to floor me. I don't know what to do we made all these plans and now they have gone. I am feeling a little low and as i've said he wont talk to me about it so i have to respect that to save the atmosphere getting back between us. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? What do i do?

Sorry about the long paragraph but trying to give as much information as possible.
1 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
I'd go talk to a family therapist, alone or together.  He might act like he thinks this change of heart is not a problem, but since you are a couple and the decision to try for a baby was originally a joint decision (I think), he can't just unilaterally decide that you cannot be a mother with no real explanation.  At least he owes you the chance to try to change his mind.  You can't force him to become a dad, but he can't just pronounce that you cannot become a mom again, you as a couple must decide and try to work out a path through this.  I hate to say it, but for some couples the question of having a child is a deal-breaker for the marriage.  Before going in to see a counselor, it might help for you to decide how much you want another child -- would it be the kind of thing you would change husbands to attain?  

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