Fathers rights

[Coppertop104]

I posted on here yesterday about my baby's father and all the stress and heartbreak he's been putting me and My unborn baby threw. Today I have decided to cut him out completely for the safety and well-being of my child and myself. If he wants to be in the baby's life he can take me to court. He started seeing someone else 2 weeks ago and I'm 22 weeks pregnant. I feel like him and his new girlfriend are trying to make me miscarry with all the stress they are putting me under. I. Sick of him trying to bully me into things like 50/50 custody when he hasn't done a single thing for our baby. He hasn't boughten a single thing and has only gone to one appointment. He won't go to birthing or parenting classes unless they are free and on Sundays.
Do you think my child will resent me I the future? I don't want some random hippie bum around my child thinking she can help raise baby. He has only known her for a couple weeks and he thinks it's ok to bring her around.

Am I over reacting or doing the wrong thing by kicking him out of our lives? Will my child resent me? I need some advice..  I honestly don't think he would really even be around after the baby is born.. he hasn't been around or supported me at all. I have decided not to let him be in the delivery room and he won't be on the birth certificate and i won't be filing for child support  b I don't want him to have any legal rights to my child.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  So sorry you have been let down by this man.  That hurts!  I'm sure it feels lonely and you worry about lots of things.

Let me just say that kids DO want to know their fathers.  They don't care that much if dad got along great with their mom, if he helped supply diapers before they were born or if they went to a doctor appointment. They just care to know their 'other parent' and want to bond with him.  Kids usually long for this.  And at around second grade, kids that don't know their fathers become very sad about it.  

It is such a hard situation when we are no longer with the dad.  I know it hurts and it is hard to leave your emotions out of things.  But you have to try.  I know this isn't what you want to hear but if you deny your child a relationship with their father, they DO suffer.  Resent you?  I don't know.  But they will be less secure than if you allowed them to bond with dad.  good luck

[MarLo85]

I have to agree with some of the ladies above. In most states, that I know of, fathers can petition for custody through family court. DNA test will be ordered and paternity established for child support purposes. In order to strip someone of paternal rights, you must have extensive proof of an unfit parent, i.e.  documented history of drug abuse (weed won't count for much as it is becoming legal in many states), domestic violence, criminal record, unstable/unsafe living conditions. If you don't comply with court orders, they could issue a warrant for your arrest and I don't think it's a good idea to hide from the system. In cases of very young children the visits are usually supervised etc. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can resolve this amicably.  

[Coppertop104]

I know he smokes weed... and I know I'm going on emotions but I do t feel my  aby I'd safe around Jim and his new girlfriend

[PoeticPep]

I dnt want to speak harshly bt I want to be real with u. Him as ur baby's dad his only concern or responsibility is to the baby once he/she is born. He doesn't have to go anywhere with u. If he's an *** & won't I kno it ***** bt oh well. Not sure wt u mean by stress bt u dnt have to deal with either one of them right now & until the baby's born I dnt see y u would. As for keeping him away after the baby is born no matter how much of a jerk he is unless he or his gf are on drug's, abusive, or unfit u have no right. U cannot go on emotion's. I'm sure u probably hate his guts now & him having a new woman so soon doesn't help bt u cannot do that. Dnt allow urself to be like the average "baby mama" keeping him away from his child. Have the baby, put him on child support. It's good for u & him. No matter how little he does if u allow him to play a role in the baby's life he can never use u as his reason for being a dead beat. That is the mature way to handle the situation. I speak from experience hun. My son's dad cheated & left me for the ***** he cheated with & got pregnant (she knew about me & him bt she was not a woman of value or standards for having gotten involved to begin wit & I guess she believed wt he said). Our kid's are 4 mnts apart. It was hard trust me. Talk about stress. Bt I handled it well.

[Leabellallee]

If you are serious about no contact now and after birth you need to research your state laws. Most states have laws that protect fathers just as much as mothers. All he would have to do is  file in family court, you would be served/subpoenaed , and the judge would order a DNA Test. Once he is legally the father he will likely pay Child support and you two will be sent off to mediation to come up with a parenting plan/custody arrangement. As a warning, judges are not fond of mom that hide the baby from the father. In that case, things can go not so great for you. So if you really want him having no contact and think there is even a slight chance he one day in the next 18 years he may decide to file in court, you need to move. Get out of the area. Disappear on social media. Don't register to vote at your address, it's public record. Don't buy a house, public record. If you get married don't publish it in the news and do it in another state, although still public record. Anything in PR can usually turn up on google search these days with everything moving to E records. If he wants custody all he and/or an attorney would have to do is a dillegent search to find you & serve you. Bottom line is you will need to make major life changes if you want him away from you. It's important to consider if it's worth it. Best bet is to see if he will sign a surrender of his rights, but even that is risky, because if he says no, he can fight for rights.

[Krissy066]

I think it depends on which state you live in. I'm in Washington and no matter what. Mothers usually get the rights, I'd say drop that dead beat. You don't need a drop in dad you need a full-time or not at all. IF him and his new gf are making u that stressed they aren't even worth it. I'd cut communication, doesn't sound like he wants to be a part of his baby's life he just doesn't want to pay.which I know u stated u didn't want child support but I'm sure he's still worried.

[squibby62]

If you really feel that he doesn't want to remedy the situation or that he doesn't want to be a part of his child's life then I would recommend asking him to sign over his parental rights. Otherwise, no matter how unsupportive he may be being now or how poorly he is treating you, despite that, he still has a legal right to see and spend time with his child. Unless you can prove that he is a drug addict or if he puts your child at harm. You may "luck out" in the sense that he just vanishes out of your life and your child's life, but at any point he could pop back up and request custody. He will always have legal rights unless he is deemed an unfit parent, or unless he signs over his rights. At least this is how it is in Pa. I would recommend contacting a lawyer and asking about your state laws.