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Mother Inlaws
My boyfriends mom is always getting into our arguments she's at my house everyday all day she calls my boyfriend about 10 times a day when she's not here and she always wants to know what is going on beetween us we can never have no privacy what should I do ?
This is a boundary issue and you and your boyfriend need to agree on an appropriate boundary between the family you're forming and the individual families that you each grew up in. You need to set appropriate boundaries or rules of conduct with all categories of people in your life including coworkers and neighbors. Sit down with bf and decide on appropriate sharing & behavior. It's great that he's close with mom but that doesn't mean mom is aware of all aspects of your life.
Once you're both conscious of what you'd share and having a conversation about it instead of an argument about it the situation should improve. The important part is being on the same wavelength & creating an intimate mental space with your bf--not other people outside of that inner circle. Your relationship with bf needs work. Then you can work on relationships with others--like his mother or personal friends together. Ideally you'll get to a point where you both know what the other person would tell people and feel comfortable that neither of you will spill intimate details to acquaintances, nosy neighbors, or those who lack boundaries and "pump" for intimate and inappropriate details.
Figuring this out with him and fostering healthy relationship for grandma is really important. Gma is going to be around you & your child for a long time so decide together what that relationship will look like. Gma may need more friends or a hobby if she's still so involved with her adult son.
Once you're both conscious of what you'd share and having a conversation about it instead of an argument about it the situation should improve. The important part is being on the same wavelength & creating an intimate mental space with your bf--not other people outside of that inner circle. Your relationship with bf needs work. Then you can work on relationships with others--like his mother or personal friends together. Ideally you'll get to a point where you both know what the other person would tell people and feel comfortable that neither of you will spill intimate details to acquaintances, nosy neighbors, or those who lack boundaries and "pump" for intimate and inappropriate details.
Figuring this out with him and fostering healthy relationship for grandma is really important. Gma is going to be around you & your child for a long time so decide together what that relationship will look like. Gma may need more friends or a hobby if she's still so involved with her adult son.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I wish the focus could be on how mother in laws and daughter in laws can get along better rather than cutting them out of their life or both of them being so irritated with each other. A family with good, peaceful dynamics is much more of a solid family than those that have rifts with people. Your kids learn from those rifts and it is not a lesson you want to teach them.
I would say that if your mother in law is spending too much time at your place---- you are entitled to ask for some 'you' time at home without her. Your partner should help you with that and support you with that. It doesn't have to be rude or anything--- just a text or phone call that today isn't good to come over because we have plans. She may ask what they are and you can say some errands or whatever and leave it at that. And then a firm "we'll see you tomorrow". Just start doing that with your partner --- both of you a united front and it starts to set up a new situation with her in which she isn't there all the time.
Then talk to your partner about privacy. It's legit to ask our partners to not discuss our personal business with ANYONE including a parent. then when she asks questions--- she gets surface answers. She'll catch on.
I would not try to interrupted how often she and her son talk. If he is annoyed by it, he can stop doing that. Otherwise, that is 'their' thing. Leave that alone and focus on how she is there too much and trying to know every detail of your relationship. THAT you can work on.
But try to do this so that no one feels bad. It's about setting boundaries.
I think a man shouldn't have to choose woman over mother. There is no reason why things can't be worked out peacefully. And I'd never tell my husband his mother was rotten and couldn't be in our lives. That would hurt my husband. so, I'd never put him in a position of choosing her over me or me over her. I want us all to get along and work it out so that I am happy even if it means everyone compromises a little bit.
luck to all
I would say that if your mother in law is spending too much time at your place---- you are entitled to ask for some 'you' time at home without her. Your partner should help you with that and support you with that. It doesn't have to be rude or anything--- just a text or phone call that today isn't good to come over because we have plans. She may ask what they are and you can say some errands or whatever and leave it at that. And then a firm "we'll see you tomorrow". Just start doing that with your partner --- both of you a united front and it starts to set up a new situation with her in which she isn't there all the time.
Then talk to your partner about privacy. It's legit to ask our partners to not discuss our personal business with ANYONE including a parent. then when she asks questions--- she gets surface answers. She'll catch on.
I would not try to interrupted how often she and her son talk. If he is annoyed by it, he can stop doing that. Otherwise, that is 'their' thing. Leave that alone and focus on how she is there too much and trying to know every detail of your relationship. THAT you can work on.
But try to do this so that no one feels bad. It's about setting boundaries.
I think a man shouldn't have to choose woman over mother. There is no reason why things can't be worked out peacefully. And I'd never tell my husband his mother was rotten and couldn't be in our lives. That would hurt my husband. so, I'd never put him in a position of choosing her over me or me over her. I want us all to get along and work it out so that I am happy even if it means everyone compromises a little bit.
luck to all
Some do choose a mother over a wife but if my husband tried that I would be gone, hit him for child support and make him jump through hoops just to get supervised visits with the kids.
Where did I say anything at all about hating your mother in law? And I'm not sure about you women, but as Mexican's family is a BIG thing to us and whether you like it or not, most of our men will always choose their mothers.
Agree about being nice if you can. Catch more flies with honey. But don't get ran over. I just had a horrible MIL that fed off drama so I had to resort to a not nice way. But nicer is always better. And you don't need stress pregnant.
Kimmy, you can change this cycle.
No, daughters in law don't have to hate their mothers in law.
If you are sweet and welcoming, and allow your daughter in law her privacy, she will love you and respect you.
Or anyway, that's how it works in my world. Everything doesn't have to be hateful and pissy all the time if you just try to get along.
No, daughters in law don't have to hate their mothers in law.
If you are sweet and welcoming, and allow your daughter in law her privacy, she will love you and respect you.
Or anyway, that's how it works in my world. Everything doesn't have to be hateful and pissy all the time if you just try to get along.
My husband doesn't choose his mother over me ever. If that is the case I'd be seriously mad. I even asked his opinion and he said no way. That a line needs to be drawn.
And biblically once married the wife comes before mom. A husband should always be on his wife's side no matter wat. And be there to correct her when she is wrong.
My husband would never choose his mom over me. I would stand up and draw a line. Cause when baby is here it's gonna get worse if you don't. I had to have a knock down drag out with mine. And with my husbands support behind me she backed off quick!
That's just mother in laws in general, I used to hate it but it's something you have to get used to. The son will always choose his mother, I have a son and I'm sure once he's older and has his girlfriend she'll hate me too because I'm always going to be the 1st woman in his life. Just ask for space and to understand that it's time for her to let go and let him be a man for you and your child
Don't let her in your life or your relationship is doomed.
Tell your boyfriend to stop telling her your business.
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