creating a trust

[dani_G124]

I went through IVF as a single mother by choice. Now I am 31 weeks along and looking to set up a trust for my daughter.  I am struggling with the decision on who to leave her with. My parents are getting old and not in the best of health, but they want her and I know they will be offended if they are not the first  named to get her. My problem is I really don't want my daughter to have to jump from one location to another after a fews years when my parents pass or are no longer capable of caring for her. Also I know my mother will not admit when she is not able to care for her. How do I tell them I can't name them as guardian?

[dani_G124]

My parents are 68 and 72. My mother has had strokes in the past and my father heart issues. I would hope to survive them, but I also have had some issues. I had thyroid cancer in the past. I could hold off on telling them unless my cancer came back. My parents would more than likely go to my sister or myself and I am going to name my brother as guardian of my child.

Thanks for the advice.

[AnnieBrooke]

The other thing is, don't give someone the right to raise your child and then give someone else also a legal say in how the child is raised.  Do it in sequence, first this person or couple, and if they can't, the next person or couple.  But whomever has custody is the one who has full say about how the child is being raised.  A shared legal right given to more than one couple is a recipe for frustration and fights.

[kj_skibum]

I am 43 and husband is 53. This is first baby for both of us. You assume your folks will be hurt if they are not first on your list....You may be surprised but I do agree with the last post.

Choose someone who is a bit younger, in good health, and wants to be the god parent or gaurdian. Think about personalities and how this person gets along with your folks. You should ensure your parents get plenty of visitation but all decisions will need to be the legal gaurdians or there may be issues.

You may want to ask your parents who thier gaurdian will be should you not be around and they are no longer able to cate for themselves.

You don't want to task the same person to take your child and your parents unless they are a sibling or very close to family

[AnnieBrooke]

I don't see that you need to tell them anything.  If you have a better choice, write that person in your trust.  Your attorney can tell them, in the (unlikely) event of your demise.  Why offend them deeply over something that probably won't even occur?   How old are your parents, and in how poor of health?  It's possible to name your parents as a backup if the original choice can't or won't take on the responsibility, but if the age and ailments are the real reason you don't want them, just tell that to your lawyer so he will know if the bad event ever occurs, and can tell them it was not because of lack of love that you decided this.  I assume they will not demand to read your trust document, ( if they did you don't have to let them).  In the meantime they can believe what they want about who would have custody if you died.  You are likely to survive your parents, this conversation that will insult them, is not necessary to do this.

[ENS210]

Hi!
I suggest you have the conversation with your parents and suggest they co-parent with a person you chose to be the guardian. That way your parents, especially your mom are still connected and have a say in how their grandchild is being raised.

Hope I was helpful
E Smith Sinclair