trying not to cry...

[frogs_n_butterfly]

Before you bash... I know it's old and no longer true but it still hurts. I found my husbands old journal from when he was with his ex and Idk why but I it hurt so much to see the love He had for her, she tore his heart out and ripped it to pieces (I had to pick them back up) he says he no longer loves her and he's showed this many times but it still hurts to see that she destroyed a good man and to this day he still can't be there emotionally for me.. He still is closed off, I wander if he'll ever love me with all his heart.

[Chima7]

I'm not sure if this will help or not but I have some perspective to share. I still have the letters that my first bf sent me and some keepsakes he gave me in a box in the closet. I also have pictures from all of my ex bf's in the same box in my closet. It's not about wanting any of them back in my life, trust me. Hell could freeze over and I'd never want a relationship with any of them again. They all hurt me in their own selfish ways and I thankfully know now that I deserve so much better than any of them.

If you ask me why I keep the stuff, I'm a keepsake person and I am also a pack rat. Something about getting rid of that stuff would make me sad cause it's a part of my past and part of my learning experience that brought me to where I am today. I truly have zero romantic feelings left for any of my ex's. If any of them showed up at my door tomorrow and said they were so sorry they made a mistake letting me go and realized that I was the only one they wanted, I'd say No Thanks! And I'm single right now, haven't had a relationship for several years. And I still wouldn't want any of them back.

The stuff I have left over from them is less about them and more about who I was at the time I was with them. I don't know if that makes any sense but I hope it helps you realize that it's possible for people to keep stuff and not have it mean anything negative for their current partner.

[kanamotaya20]

I know what you mean! My boyfriend is so amazing. His ex was such a ***** to him. And i feel bad sometimes when i act so mean towards him. He doesnt deserve it. Whenever im mean to him i always end up breaking down crying. I never want to be like his ex. I love him so so much. I feel so bad.

[nerdgoddess1991]

I'm sure he loves you dearly. It does take time for a heart to fully heal- but with you by his side it will all be okay. He loves YOU with all he has to give even if he has a gaurd up because of what ever that girl did to him. Give him time and don't dwell on his past. You are the present.

[isabela2]

I get like that too I've never cared about my husband's past and his ex but when I think about him being with another girl it's a weird feeling. But I just really care to know. On the other hand he can't get over my past and always makes me feel guilty about things I did when I didn't even know him yet!

[hersheyma]

@specialmom that was a really good comment, and so true

[Missleah1991]

I don't even know my husband's ex's name or hardly Nything about her. I choose not to know bc I would waste time creeping on her and feeling bad for anything I found ab the past lol. I did want to eat at a restaurant in a diff part of town a while back and he said he didnt want to and finally told me it's bc his ex had worked there. Even knowing that made me mad lol

[4579630142689459105_751_5]

I was in the same boat. He was with a girl for 5 years that was in mma just like him, had alot of the same interests, and he works for her dad still. I was very insecure because there are pictures of her hanging at his workplace and she visits there sometimes to talk to her dad. I saw old Facebook messages from him begging her to message him everyday after their breakup so he could change because he loved her so much. It definitely hurt even though are that point we hadn't met. It eased up after she met are guy and they got married after a week and moved to mexico. I still wonder if he ever misses her but after our ups and downs after and now our baby, he is so attentive to me that I really think he's gotten over it.

[frogs_n_butterfly]

Thank you both so much, I knew it was a bad idea to look at it I'm not sure why I did. I'm sure it'll all be ok I'm just gonna be sad for a bit then move on with our lives. Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot.

[specialmom]

Oh, ya know.  That reading of old journals, letters, looking at old pictures, etc. just really is so not productive.  NOT bashing because it is hard not to look at it if you know it is there.

I did that once.  My husband had a beautiful fiancé.  Pictures and memorabilia from dating.  I looked at it and was like . . .  thud.  Felt really insecure for an afternoon (and kind of mad at myself for looking at it when it was packed away).  I put it all back and got on with life because NO matter what was between them, he was WITH ME NOW.  

My husband also was ripped apart by this woman.  Oh, she did him WRONG.  But he says that in the long run, it was good for him because it helped him know when he had a good person and to not take it for granted.  

I left that box alone and noticed that it is now gone.  He pitched it!  Yeah!!  

Try not to think about this . . .  because you are right, it is yesterday's news.  he's started a life with you.  And YES, it will get better most likely.  He maybe was a bit closed off with her too as you didn't know him then.  And what we do as partners is to help them open up by being a safe place for them.  This means letting them talk without getting in trouble for what they say (by sulking, getting mad or hurt) and just being supportive.  My husband let go of his hurt and yours will too.  good luck

[Talez_2015]

Yes he will just keep being loyal an show him that the women she was an the pain she cause you are there to fill that hold with love and comfort