Aa
annoying grandmother
not a question. Just want to tell how annoying my grandmother is, and want some advices on how to deal with her, and let her see that i'm an adult... i'm 20 and my fiance is 21 and we are renting a 3 bedroom house, and have a 6 month old baby and two dogs.. we live in Ireland, i came to Ireland about 9 years ago,and my fiance is Irish, and my Granny is Ukrainian, so she only speaks russian, so my boyfriend doesn't understand her, and i have to translate everything... so, she visits Ireland some times, last time she was here was 5 months ago,when my baby was born, and shes coming over at the end of this month, for 3 months.. its going to be 3 months of hell..i love her and all, but i wish she would keep her opinion to herself and have some respect... so, when she found out i was pregnant, straight away she was saying that my life is ruined, that i'm young, i need to go out more, and party and not be stuck with a baby and that, and that i've no proffesion, how can i care for the baby, and why isn't my boyfriend working, why don't we have a car, why did we get 2 dogs, that we should be putting away the money that we spend on the dogs and save up to go somewhere on holidays..how can you save up for holidays from spending 3 euros on dog food every week??? my boyfriend is a chef, but he quit work a month before our baby was born, because his hours were horrible and he is going to college this september, same as me, and he got rid of the car because the insurance for the young driver is too expensive, i'm trying to explain to my grandmother that its way cheaper to get a taxi than pay for insurance and petrol..she doesn't want to hear me... and my fiances working hours were, from 10 in the morning till 11- 12 in the night, so he didn't want to work that much, worried he wouldn't see the baby much, and wanted to be there to help me, and not have all the stress of waking up nights and mornings..we take turns, and he wants to go to college, we are going to go to the same one, so that he can get a better job, and better hours with better pay, we are getting money from the government, so we are not living on our parents money, we are independant from them, but my granny is being sooo disrespectful, saying Irish people are lazy, they don't want to work, they don't want to achieve anything, they can just make babies cause thats all they can do cause they are uneducated...i wouldn't mind her saying that, but my fiance is Irish, so i'm offended by her statements like that... and when my baby was born, anything we did she completely disagreed with..for example the first time she saw my fiance winding the baby, she was saying we did it wrong (by putting the baby in the sitting position on your knees, and tapping on the babys back) she said you can't put a newborn in a sitting position, its bad for his spine and hes going to be hutchback, and blah blah, and i'm trying too explain that it IS the right way to do it and she wouldn't listen...or anytime i gave the baby the bottle she would say i need to mix the formula with cows milk instead of water..and i say to her that you can't give them milk till they are about 1 year old...she wouldn't listen...or when i give the bottle she says it HAS to be heated up, even though when i was in hospital, the midwifes said if the baby is okay to have a bottle at room temperature theres no need heating it up everytime... or she would tell me to give the baby egg yolk (baby was about 1 month old) i kept saying that you can't give it to them till they are like 7-8 months old, and all the nutritions they need are in the formula..she wouldn't listen to me..everything i say, i'm still young and dumb to her... and my fiance has lots of tattoos,and her opinion about them is that only people who went to jail get tattoos and that they are stupid and and she would be ashamed if i visited Ukraine with my fiance,she would be ashamed of him walking around with her, and when i got a tattoo she kept saying hes a bad influence. and saying she was ashamed of telling people in Ukraine that i got a baby, cause i'm so young, and no proffession... how nice is it to hear that? every day, everytime she visits our house? like if she was said those things once or twice, it would've been okay..but she says it EVERYTIME, and i just try to talk about something else and change the subject, because those conversations lead NOWHERE.. ihate when she starts of her rants about Irish people, sooo disrespectful, them are dumb because they have tattoos, piercings and lots of kids (even 3 kids she considers to be a big amount) oh and she keeps saying i wouldn't be able to get a decent job because i have a tattoo, and i'm trying to tell her that even doctors in our town hospital walk around with like full sleeves of tattoos, or on the necks..but she doesn't listen to me and keeps on saying i will not be able to have a decent job and i'll be a cleaner, for the rest of my life... what to do?? how can i talk to her..talk about normal subjects..not about how lazy Irish are, or how i'm young and dumb..
Best Answer
thank you very much, i thought maybe i was wrong..thanks for agreeing:))
I'm a writer too lol. I know what it's like to have unsupportive family and it's really hard. A dog groomer is a great job because so many people own pets. You don't have to worry about bringing sickness home like a nurse does. Nurses don't smell so great either. They American like vomit, pee, they get blood on them and much more. You do what will make you happy. And later If you decide you don't like grooming then move on to something else. You are the one who wakes up and lives your life not anyone else.
Be proud of you, your husband/fiance and that precious little boy.
Be proud of you, your husband/fiance and that precious little boy.
and i'm happy you answered, i thought no one would want to read my super long post
and she makes me cry a lot, making me feel doubtfull about things i do,and making me feel bad for not agreeing with her..my fiance hates her now cause anytime i visit her (my granny stays with my mom when she visits ireland) i either come back crying or super moody and angry, cause all we do is argue..never a normal conversation.. :(
thanks a lot for listening to me.. i needed this
thanks a lot for listening to me.. i needed this
thank you very very much:) and i try to say to her that if she doesn't have anything to say she should not talk at all (she actually says that phrase a lot) but she keeps on saying that she cares about us, and wants whats best for us, and keeps on with her lectures...and keeps on saying that i should go study to be a nurse (anytime i'm on the phone with her, she says that) and all the time i'm telling her that i don't want to, that kinda job wouldn't make me happy, and she says "who cares, good money" (she never went to college, neither did my aunt or my mom..so her 2 daughters are uneducated lets say, and she wants me to become a nurse or a doctor..having high expectations... which is really annoying)
i want to be a dog groomer, and i will be able to work at home, flexible hours and good money, and only 2 years in college, and she keeps saying its a horrible job, why would i want it, be all dirty and smelly from dogs all the time, and i keep trying to tell her that its what i'd like to do, but she doesn't care... :(
and she does think my fiance is extremely lazy and that, but he is great! when we found out we were expecting we were both happy, and he quit work just so that he can see our baby boy and help me with him, and he is going back to college..i don't see why she still thinks he is lazy... he actually does more than me, he changes more nappies, he cooks (he's a chef :)), he plays with him more, our son better falls asleep with him, he's great..not like other examples i can give of boyfriends who don't give a f*ck and don't care about family or actually ARE lazy...
i do try to talk to her, but its like everything i say goes into one ear and straight away goes out the other ear :(
i'm just dreading over her coming over at the end of this month..it will be too much stress...my granny..college..assignments..baby... :(
and i did kick her out of our house once..that was when she freaked out saying my fiance was winding the baby wrong.. she completely freaked out,saying " you're breaking my heart, you can't put a baby in a sitting position, what kind of parents are yoou, blah blah" she was almost crying, having a tantrum, and i could see my boyfriend getting red faced ready to say something mean back to her, so i told my granny that she should leave if she will keep saying we are doing things wrong even though we aren't..i said that when my son gets older, when he will be able to understand, i don't want him to hear what you have to say about me, making him think i'm a bad mother and i'm doing everything wrong and therefore i'm afraid he'll stop listening to me and be saying things like "granny said to do this this way, your wrong mommy" ...something like that.. i don't need her to qustion my authority on parenting..
and after i kicked her out, my granny and my mom were saying i was disrespectfull...and made me feel bad...
i write a lot,sorry... :)
i want to be a dog groomer, and i will be able to work at home, flexible hours and good money, and only 2 years in college, and she keeps saying its a horrible job, why would i want it, be all dirty and smelly from dogs all the time, and i keep trying to tell her that its what i'd like to do, but she doesn't care... :(
and she does think my fiance is extremely lazy and that, but he is great! when we found out we were expecting we were both happy, and he quit work just so that he can see our baby boy and help me with him, and he is going back to college..i don't see why she still thinks he is lazy... he actually does more than me, he changes more nappies, he cooks (he's a chef :)), he plays with him more, our son better falls asleep with him, he's great..not like other examples i can give of boyfriends who don't give a f*ck and don't care about family or actually ARE lazy...
i do try to talk to her, but its like everything i say goes into one ear and straight away goes out the other ear :(
i'm just dreading over her coming over at the end of this month..it will be too much stress...my granny..college..assignments..baby... :(
and i did kick her out of our house once..that was when she freaked out saying my fiance was winding the baby wrong.. she completely freaked out,saying " you're breaking my heart, you can't put a baby in a sitting position, what kind of parents are yoou, blah blah" she was almost crying, having a tantrum, and i could see my boyfriend getting red faced ready to say something mean back to her, so i told my granny that she should leave if she will keep saying we are doing things wrong even though we aren't..i said that when my son gets older, when he will be able to understand, i don't want him to hear what you have to say about me, making him think i'm a bad mother and i'm doing everything wrong and therefore i'm afraid he'll stop listening to me and be saying things like "granny said to do this this way, your wrong mommy" ...something like that.. i don't need her to qustion my authority on parenting..
and after i kicked her out, my granny and my mom were saying i was disrespectfull...and made me feel bad...
i write a lot,sorry... :)
Proven wrong on so many occasions. So please don't criticize my life because you know that I will prove you wrong.
Sorry hit the post button before I finished.
Just live your life and do the best you can and prove everyone to be wrong.
Sorry hit the post button before I finished.
Just live your life and do the best you can and prove everyone to be wrong.
By the way even If you were a cleaner for the rest of your life why would it matter as long as your taking care of you and your family.
You are doing awesome. I don't understand why the grandmother's of today are so negative. Mine always tells me I'm failing because I do not work I'm a stay at home mom. It works the best in our situation. Child care isn't cheap. And as you've stated insurance, gas, and maintenance on vehicles isn't cheap either. In the long run I would be working and only paying to work. It's cheaper for us and my child is happy because I'm home with him. He seems to be learning easier and quicker than any of his cousins that have working mother's.
I was also criticized for breastfeeding and was told I would fail and dry up in a few months of breastfeeding. Ha proved them all wrong on that one. We did have issues in the beginning because he was premature with jaundice he couldn't latch well. So I pumped for 3 months until he latched. He weaned himself at 20 months and I was very productive. Breastfeeding was a great success and now when they have something negative to say I tell them well you said the same about this but you was process
You are doing awesome. I don't understand why the grandmother's of today are so negative. Mine always tells me I'm failing because I do not work I'm a stay at home mom. It works the best in our situation. Child care isn't cheap. And as you've stated insurance, gas, and maintenance on vehicles isn't cheap either. In the long run I would be working and only paying to work. It's cheaper for us and my child is happy because I'm home with him. He seems to be learning easier and quicker than any of his cousins that have working mother's.
I was also criticized for breastfeeding and was told I would fail and dry up in a few months of breastfeeding. Ha proved them all wrong on that one. We did have issues in the beginning because he was premature with jaundice he couldn't latch well. So I pumped for 3 months until he latched. He weaned himself at 20 months and I was very productive. Breastfeeding was a great success and now when they have something negative to say I tell them well you said the same about this but you was process
Ctfu well damn..
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I myself have distanced my life from those who can't respect my family (husband and child) and have any positive things to say. My family (husband and baby) are more important because they are the ones you will be spending the rest of your life with.
Tell your grandma since she is so ashamed to be seen with you in Ukraine then she should feel the same in your own town and to just pretend that you were never born because that's how she makes you feel and that's how she makes you feel about your child. Tell her it's better when you hear positive things and you never get anything positive from her and that you were taught that If you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all.
You could also tell her that the deed is done you have a child and at least the fiance stuck around and didn't abandon you. And a doctors opinion on raising your baby counts more because you want your daughter to be healthy and the medicine and research has shown things are different because it's better than in her time.
Say I love you but I'm not feeling it from your end and your criticism isn't helping at all. Yes I'm a young mother and at least I have something to live for besides a party and bottle off boos or drugs. Human life is more important to me and raising my daughter is a wonderful experience and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. And by the way at least we are trying to educate ourselves and right now the hours my fiance was working was burdening his education and opportunity to make better hours and pay.
Last but not least tell her again I love you and If you can't respect me or my family then it's best for you to stay away. Because my life is important and We are doing the best we can.
Hope this helps. From experience I've cut certain family members out of my life because they were so judgmental and negative and as a mother and wife I want to protect my husband and son from there negativity.
I wish you luck in your journey as a mother a wife and becoming educated. Both of you will do well in life keep your heads high and look at your futures because everything will work out. Keeping you in my prayers!