marriage problems :( advice, please?

[ftmom2beaug28]

my husband and I have not been healthy around each other at all. On top of both of us using abusive language, he started smoking again (we both quit when we found out about baby) I thought I would be ok with it but i've felt alone since he's started again. I told him, he said he understood and would quit. but 2 nights in a row hes left after we have been fighting and came back stoned. it just hurts he wont keep his word to me and the every other night for weeks we've been so verbally hateful. anyway tonight I suggested he leave tomorrow and stay with a friend for a while to get some space, he's mad and hurt. and i'm sad and hurt but feelin hopeless if we dont try something. was that the right move? or am I overreacting? im just afraid if we dont have space itll get worse and resentment will build. I love him so much and hes a good man at heart, but neither of us are dealing with each other right and I dont want to keep stressin our baby boy out.

[ftmom2beaug28]

thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it and its definitely given me some different perspectives to think about.

[katngary143]

I think yes personal space does put things in perspective and sometimes relationships need it but yelling and using abusive words towards each other is both of your faults and u guys need to grow up because of the baby...your child can learn inappropriate behavior and it might carry over into his later years...so while he is gone you can take the time for yourself to learn how you can approach situations differently :)

[Ashdub07]

Here is my personal opinion. And I know nobody likes the "in my experience" nonsense but bear with me. Me and my hubby were like that. And things started to get physical. From both ends. And I was prego. We got to where we couldn't stand to see or hear the other and although I loved him, he wanted to be a child and stay out with his friends and go hang out with his "girl" friends too. He eventually told me he didn't love me anymore, packed his bags and left. I didn't call him or text him for a week. I just took care of my business and went to work blah blah. He called me at the end of the week at work and was in tears saying he waited every night for me to call and ask him to come home. And when I didn't he realized in that instant that he cant live without me. So I laid down the law and said no, you may not hang out with those people they are bad influence and told him no girls ever ever and if he didn't like it to stay gone. He agreed and came home has wonderful friends now and never screwed me over since. It's been about 2 years since then. What I am getting at is sometimes that space puts it into perspective for both of you and you both can have that time to decide what it is you want from your partner. Yes you are pregnant and hormonal but tht doesn't mean you are overreacting on this. Put your foot down because you have to look out for you and your baby.

[mj1207]

A piece of advice I got when I got married was to never go to bed without a kiss. Being separated for even a day will not fix the problem it will only push it aside or even make things worse. You guys first off need to stop being verbally abusive to each other. Once that happens you can sit down and have a talk about how you want your family to be and what kind of parents you want to be. Now its not just the two of you and how you guys act around each other will have a direct effect on your child and will set an example on how they will treat others as they grow up. I know you must be having a hard time and feel like he is letting you down so just really try to be there for him and support him and help him get through this change as well. As long as you guys work together and show each other respect and love and bring each others spirits up rather than down, you will be okay. God bless and good luck!

[kimjarrah]

I think youve done the right move, it sounds like you need some time apart

[GordonBaby]

I think by you just voicing that you want some separate time, that may give him the kick in the butt to realize that your kinda fed up. Since he was upset by it. Just try to watch YOUR tongue when it comes down to it. At least you can rest knowing that your doing everything that you can do for your relationship and your baby. All the verbal riff raff has to stop. Of course couples are going to have little bouts of nonsense here and there, but an all the time thing is not okay. If he went out and smoked, im sure that was his way of dealing with whatever it is he is feeling. Not saying its right, but if he actually left and stayed elsewhere, don't you think he would be smoking all of the time anyway? You guys have to come to compromise. If you sit him down to talk and he cant be a mature adult about it then make your decisions. But remember he has feelings too, even though hes not the pregnant one. Allot time so both of you can say what you feel. I hope it works out for you guys.

[kissingmoore]

I feel your pain ... my guy is the same way

[Mandalaybayy]

Of you. I hope you and your husband can get it together for your baby! The verbal abuse needs to stop def!! Hoping for the best!!

[Mandalaybayy]

You have to do what's best for you and your child...if its a never ending battle maybe he should leave for a little while but be careful with pushing him out because the outcome of that isn't always a good one. Since ur married I really think you guys should get it together he needs to keep his word and you have to remember ur preggo so ur emotions are taking the best out