spreading mommy love

[heatherlynn22]

i was just wondering if any of you other ladies seemed to have this issue....i LOVE playing with the boys but, i always feel bad. when i'm holding one (they've gotten to the point where they're just to heavy to hold both at the same time) the other looks at me like "mom....why not me?" so then i switch babies...and the other starts. and when i'm on the floor playing with them during tummy time it's so hard to give them both the attention at the same time. they don't like playing with the same toys and different things make them laugh. so i have to play with certain toys and make certain noises/faces towards one then do the opposite with the other. *sigh* sometimes it's so hard having twins.

[heatherlynn22]

don't worry about liking one more then the other. i was afraid of that to and i love both my boys the same. if i loved them anymore i think my poor heart would explode. lol. i haven't run across the behavior problems yet. even though they do their phases in turns. brett already went through the razzing with food in his mouth phase. lasted for 3 months. now...eli is doing it. and of course....i wear more food then they eat. *sigh* i can't remember when the last time i was able to wear something other then sweats and t shirts was. lol.

[pookie1121]

I worry about spreading the mommy love.  Right now I just have my one DD so I dont have to spread it, she gets it all!  

What I also think about is what if one twin is really well behaved and sweet and the other one is a mini monster or bad behaved?   What if I like one better?!?!?!   I hope I dont like one better than the other!  Or is that silly?

[heatherlynn22]

well i've found one way i can spread the mommy love evenly for at least part of the day. when it's tummy time well...more like rolling around the living room time...i roll around with them!!! they laugh and giggle and both get mommy time at the same time!!! now what to do with the other 22 hours of the day : o P

[heatherlynn22]

lol you are my sunshine is always sung in my house to!! my mom sung it to me all the time. and when they weren't the size of a sack of potatoes and i could hold them both i'd cuddle em and walk em around singing you are my sunshines. now....i have to walk one at a time. even this morning brett was fussing and looking at me like HOLD ME HOLD ME HOLD ME!!! so i did. then eli turned around and looked at me like....MOM...ME ME ME ME ME!!!!

and i have noticed that even at 7 months one prefers daddy and one prefers me. brett....he is hands down a mommas boy. he is my little snuggle bug. eli...he's our independent little guy. but he loves being held by his daddy. he hasn't gotten into the no mommy phase yet. so he still likes being held and played with by me. but if he could have his choice....he picks his daddy. brett just screams at daddy. lol

[stillgoing]

hang in there !!!! it does get easier.. youve probably heard that from so many people and it doesnt really help you today but please know its true x
it still breaks my heart when they both fall down and only want me without the other in the way,who is equally as distressed..
i also hear alot that im lucky to have twins first, but in the first year i used to watch my friends enjoying their baby, when i seemed to be so busy or exhausted there wasnt enough time for enjoying..i just went through the motions and got through the day.. but now im at the 2yr mark and i see my boys playing games together,giving each other cuddles, talking together before they fall asleep,learning from each other, and i know now its all worth it..
your very lucky to have your father to help you.. handeling twin babies is an aquired skill and just a small break can save some sanity for you on those really difficult days/weeks/months :-)
good luck to you and when in doubt...sing xx 'You Are My Sunshine' is the winner in my home

[ejurkovich]

Thanks for the reassurance. I am a FT working mom and so that has always of course weighed on me too wondering if that has something to do with it. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing that. Thanks again.

[Angelinthemorning]

Hey, I don't have multiples just a 2yr and a 10 month girls.  But, our 2yr does the same thing and I'm a stay at home mom so, I know it's not b/c of time with her.  I think no matter how many they all go through phases of who they want to spend time with.

[ejurkovich]

As a mother of 2.5 year old twins, I can definitely relate but I have noticed it improving now that they can play with one another too. I have a side question for all of you... have any of you noticed a bonding difference between dad and one twin and mom and one twin? I ask because my daughter can't get enough of daddy and seems to want nothing to do with me right now. Sometimes I wonder if I spent too much time with her brother and now it is back firing? Either way, I feel horrible about this and am wondering if I'm along and/or if anyone who has also experienced this had some advice? My husband and I both discipline equally and are very loving toward both children, which is why this is so difficult to understand.

[heatherlynn22]

lol i think the same thing still. i don't know how anyone with more then 2 can do it!!! like the "octo" mom or kate. sometimes i feel like pulling my hair out with these 2...if i had more i'd probably be sitting in a corner rocking back and forth. lol.

of course i guess that's what moms with 1 baby say about us. my mom always tells me i'm lucky i had the twins first because this is all i know. 2 babies. i'm not going from 1 to 2. i always feel bad asking her to baby sit because she actually has trouble handling them both. there was a 4 yr gap between me and my brother. the only person i don't feel bad asking to babysit is my dad and that's because he has twin boys to. they're not 7 months anymore (gonna be 15 in may...*sigh* i remember when they were in diapers) but he still knows what i'm going through.

i have one who is....semi patient and the other. nooooo way. if i don't get to him RIGHT NOW he has a huge hissy fit. i'm talking screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs. he's our little drama king.

i'm just glad to hear i'm not the only one who has that guilt of not being able to split myself into 2 and give them attention at the same time.

[stillgoing]

im only 2yrs into it and the guilt is still there although not as bad as the early days..i just used to wonder if all mums with multiples felt the same?? but also thought myself lucky it was twins and not triplets.. oh god i couldnt even begin to imagine the chaos :-)
it does get easier..
we sing alot,that seemed to help me,im not sure about the neighbours though...

[Tima]

ahhh patience is what one of my girls I think will need to have. Sometimes usually when she is either dirty or sleepy, she cant wait till I finish feeding her sis, and will just keep on crying. But for most of the time they are both good.
Its funny when I have to laugh with one and calm one down at the same time.

[kindergal]

Yes, I feel like this sometimes.  BUT I had another twin mom tell me that she thinks this is what really has taught her kids patience at such a young age.  The child understands that he is not the only one in the universe...he has a brother he has to share attention with!!  Mom cannot be right there every second.  
Her boys are now in elementary school and really are very patient and not attention seeking.
I try to remember this when I have one crying and I cannot get to him/her immediately because I am with the other one.