Aa
my girlfriend dropped bomb on me help!
hi everyone i need some help and advice
im 27 years old never really been in a serious relationsship as long as one im in now im not very sexually experianced either.
basically my girlfriend is 30 yrs old we have been together for almost 6yrs now in past year and half i noticed our sex life has really decreased to point we have don it about 5 times in a year and a half is this normal? i voiced my concerns to her numerous times to the reply of no its because we stay with my mum and we have only the weekends when shes at sisters house staying and that most times i initiate sex she has either bad week or sore head or feeling tired or sick i understand this but how many times can she be ill?
well the other day we had raging argument and she then came out with the following
i feel that i have lost desire and passion for you sexually i still have some but its not what it should be or what it used to be but i still love you and want to marry you have kids and spend my life with you you wanted the truth and i told you i cant help how i feel. i just dont feel as much desire or passion when we make love it doesnt sexually satisfy me like it should or did.
ok so this is what she finally admitted but i feel kinda stupid i mean i want to be with her and she says she thinks that the feelings will return at some point and she says she feels this will happen but i feel stupid like im sitting around waiting for her to decide how she feels sexually about me i feel very hurt inside like somethings been ripped out of me my feelings and my pride i dont understand why she waited so long before telling me this in later days we have discussed it and she thinks it might be cause by stres of doing her degree at college and that she only felt like this sexually towards me for past 2 months yet we have hardly had any sex in over a year and a half.
im 27 years old never really been in a serious relationsship as long as one im in now im not very sexually experianced either.
basically my girlfriend is 30 yrs old we have been together for almost 6yrs now in past year and half i noticed our sex life has really decreased to point we have don it about 5 times in a year and a half is this normal? i voiced my concerns to her numerous times to the reply of no its because we stay with my mum and we have only the weekends when shes at sisters house staying and that most times i initiate sex she has either bad week or sore head or feeling tired or sick i understand this but how many times can she be ill?
well the other day we had raging argument and she then came out with the following
i feel that i have lost desire and passion for you sexually i still have some but its not what it should be or what it used to be but i still love you and want to marry you have kids and spend my life with you you wanted the truth and i told you i cant help how i feel. i just dont feel as much desire or passion when we make love it doesnt sexually satisfy me like it should or did.
ok so this is what she finally admitted but i feel kinda stupid i mean i want to be with her and she says she thinks that the feelings will return at some point and she says she feels this will happen but i feel stupid like im sitting around waiting for her to decide how she feels sexually about me i feel very hurt inside like somethings been ripped out of me my feelings and my pride i dont understand why she waited so long before telling me this in later days we have discussed it and she thinks it might be cause by stres of doing her degree at college and that she only felt like this sexually towards me for past 2 months yet we have hardly had any sex in over a year and a half.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Bulldog,
No, this behavior isn't normal. There are a number of things that could be going on. First, she may all along have had some sort of deviant sexual behavior, but hid it behind the good girl facade. Alternatively, she may be conjuring up these ideas as a way of stimulating herself, to maintain the relationship in the face of your questioning. Also, I'd be concerned that she may have in fact lost interest in your relationship. Sex does get less interesting as time goes by, in any relationship. But usually that's not a woman’s number one priority. Also, while I buy the idea that work diminishes sexual interest, at your age it's unlikely if it goes on for months. The house arrangements are also a red herring.
You'll need to decide on your own priorities. Is keeping her of primary importance? If so, and if you don't mind it, perhaps you'll acquiesce and try out her S/M or porn suggestions. Or accept her diminished sexuality. But that involves giving up sex for a lifetime. You'll have to meditate on this one!
If you're willing to face the possibility of the relationship ending, you can say, in effect, “absolutely not, figure out what your kinky sex is about and take care of it, or let's get into couples therapy with someone oriented toward sexual issues, or take some other path to fix things.” Such can provide a platform for figuring out whether the relationship still exists, or whether she's just going through the motions.
In any case, waiting around probably won't cut it. I could be wrong, short-term. But unless I'm missing something, I’d lay you 5 to 1 the situation won't improve on its own in any kind of permanent way.
Bulldog, you need to ask what's important to you, what you can be flexible on, and otherwise whether you have the desire and/or wherewithal to stand your ground. I can't decide that for you. But think about it, and when and if you come to a tentative conclusion, I'd be happy to discuss it further.
Sincerely,
Dr. P.
No, this behavior isn't normal. There are a number of things that could be going on. First, she may all along have had some sort of deviant sexual behavior, but hid it behind the good girl facade. Alternatively, she may be conjuring up these ideas as a way of stimulating herself, to maintain the relationship in the face of your questioning. Also, I'd be concerned that she may have in fact lost interest in your relationship. Sex does get less interesting as time goes by, in any relationship. But usually that's not a woman’s number one priority. Also, while I buy the idea that work diminishes sexual interest, at your age it's unlikely if it goes on for months. The house arrangements are also a red herring.
You'll need to decide on your own priorities. Is keeping her of primary importance? If so, and if you don't mind it, perhaps you'll acquiesce and try out her S/M or porn suggestions. Or accept her diminished sexuality. But that involves giving up sex for a lifetime. You'll have to meditate on this one!
If you're willing to face the possibility of the relationship ending, you can say, in effect, “absolutely not, figure out what your kinky sex is about and take care of it, or let's get into couples therapy with someone oriented toward sexual issues, or take some other path to fix things.” Such can provide a platform for figuring out whether the relationship still exists, or whether she's just going through the motions.
In any case, waiting around probably won't cut it. I could be wrong, short-term. But unless I'm missing something, I’d lay you 5 to 1 the situation won't improve on its own in any kind of permanent way.
Bulldog, you need to ask what's important to you, what you can be flexible on, and otherwise whether you have the desire and/or wherewithal to stand your ground. I can't decide that for you. But think about it, and when and if you come to a tentative conclusion, I'd be happy to discuss it further.
Sincerely,
Dr. P.
continued from above
and i suggested a separation for few months and she says no i want you with me i love you you just dont sexually satisfy me like it should feel i have less desire and passion for you.
i then asked what can we do to make you want me more and im hit with
out the blue she starts telling me she thinks we should try domination and that she wants me to be in house no clothes just her pants and apron and shell call me ***** and whip me with belts n make me do dishes n washing n stuff!!!!!!!!
and thinks we should buy dildos and other things!!!!! and we should watch porn videos
my god im still in shock she has lost desire and passion for me and she always maintained this good girl image and in 6yrs never once mentiond any sex games or videos or anything so why now?
i mean am i expected to just wait around until she decides if she has her desire back for me????? and wants me sexually again? that cant be right can it? although she says she feels certain that her fellings will return just as strong???? i thought once you lose sexual desire or interest for someone then that was that its gone?
and i suggested a separation for few months and she says no i want you with me i love you you just dont sexually satisfy me like it should feel i have less desire and passion for you.
i then asked what can we do to make you want me more and im hit with
out the blue she starts telling me she thinks we should try domination and that she wants me to be in house no clothes just her pants and apron and shell call me ***** and whip me with belts n make me do dishes n washing n stuff!!!!!!!!
and thinks we should buy dildos and other things!!!!! and we should watch porn videos
my god im still in shock she has lost desire and passion for me and she always maintained this good girl image and in 6yrs never once mentiond any sex games or videos or anything so why now?
i mean am i expected to just wait around until she decides if she has her desire back for me????? and wants me sexually again? that cant be right can it? although she says she feels certain that her fellings will return just as strong???? i thought once you lose sexual desire or interest for someone then that was that its gone?
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