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STD risk assessment from former SW
Hello,
I'm very anxious about this one. I started seeing a girl over the past few weeks that I'm starting to truly adore. I try to be careful with my partners and won't even have protective vaginal intercourse with them until we both get tested. I have however been kissing her, and oral sex (both giving and receiving). She said she got tested for everything last year before starting with another boyfriend (around december 2011) and everything was negative. She had a few months relationship with him which entailed unprotected anal/oral/vaginal intercourse. She said he didnt get tested but he was sure he was negative (which is meaningless to me). She has had several other partners earlier this year, although claims it was all protected. I haven't really been anxious about this because I didn't really think oral sex (receiving and giving) and kissing are of major concern (neither of us have oral or genital lesions). The plan was that we'll both get tested this week as we are presumably out of the window period (she claims the last time she had sex was four weeks ago and it was protected). Last night I was trying to reassess the risk/figure out when to get tested, and she opened up to me and told me that she is a former SW (worked for 7 months more than 3 years ago). When she told me this I was very shocked but didn't lose my cool or start to judge and was trying to be supportive. Today I'm feeling pretty sick with worry about this for many reasons (including continuously visualizing her in my mind with so many other men which feels like i'm stabbing myself in the heart over and over). I'm also worried about STDs given that she was in this higher risk group. Although, I feel the reality is that I havent really put myself at risk given we've only had unprotected oral sex (both ways) and french kissing, yet i'm worried sick. The hardest part of this is that I really love her....please help
I'm very anxious about this one. I started seeing a girl over the past few weeks that I'm starting to truly adore. I try to be careful with my partners and won't even have protective vaginal intercourse with them until we both get tested. I have however been kissing her, and oral sex (both giving and receiving). She said she got tested for everything last year before starting with another boyfriend (around december 2011) and everything was negative. She had a few months relationship with him which entailed unprotected anal/oral/vaginal intercourse. She said he didnt get tested but he was sure he was negative (which is meaningless to me). She has had several other partners earlier this year, although claims it was all protected. I haven't really been anxious about this because I didn't really think oral sex (receiving and giving) and kissing are of major concern (neither of us have oral or genital lesions). The plan was that we'll both get tested this week as we are presumably out of the window period (she claims the last time she had sex was four weeks ago and it was protected). Last night I was trying to reassess the risk/figure out when to get tested, and she opened up to me and told me that she is a former SW (worked for 7 months more than 3 years ago). When she told me this I was very shocked but didn't lose my cool or start to judge and was trying to be supportive. Today I'm feeling pretty sick with worry about this for many reasons (including continuously visualizing her in my mind with so many other men which feels like i'm stabbing myself in the heart over and over). I'm also worried about STDs given that she was in this higher risk group. Although, I feel the reality is that I havent really put myself at risk given we've only had unprotected oral sex (both ways) and french kissing, yet i'm worried sick. The hardest part of this is that I really love her....please help
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Once again, your OCD is not helping you. The tests for gonorrhea and chlamydia are superb and should be believed. Similarly, your HIV tests are definitive. As long as neither of you has other partners. there should be no STD risk from unprotected sex. It is time for you to give up on your fears and move forward.
This will be my final response. Take care. EWH
This will be my final response. Take care. EWH
Hello,
Both my girlfriend and I have tested negative for stds. As stated previously, her last bout of unprotected sex before being tested was 5 weeks. She tested negative for HIV (ag/ab assay), syphilis, hep c, is immune to hep b (as am I), and had a urine test for clam and gonorrhea because it was her period at time of testing. All tests came back negative. I tested negative for all the same stds. I am aware that the HIV test is not definitive until 3 months, However I am fairly comfortable with a negative ag/ab assay by 4 weeks, I think the chance of her being positive after that are essentially nil. She really wanted to have only unprotected sex and had a mirena IUD inserted, and accepts the risk of pregnancy for which she said she would have an abortion in that unlikely event. We finally had unprotected vaginal sex this past weekend at least 5 times lastin more than an hour each. At first I was very comfortable with this and thought I was being responsible wih the testing. Now I'm starting to wonder if I've done something foolish. For one thing I've read that urine gono and clam tests are not so sensitive for women. I'm getting increasingly anxious about my risk. Please advise on how I should proceed. Can I continue to have unprotected sex with her??
Both my girlfriend and I have tested negative for stds. As stated previously, her last bout of unprotected sex before being tested was 5 weeks. She tested negative for HIV (ag/ab assay), syphilis, hep c, is immune to hep b (as am I), and had a urine test for clam and gonorrhea because it was her period at time of testing. All tests came back negative. I tested negative for all the same stds. I am aware that the HIV test is not definitive until 3 months, However I am fairly comfortable with a negative ag/ab assay by 4 weeks, I think the chance of her being positive after that are essentially nil. She really wanted to have only unprotected sex and had a mirena IUD inserted, and accepts the risk of pregnancy for which she said she would have an abortion in that unlikely event. We finally had unprotected vaginal sex this past weekend at least 5 times lastin more than an hour each. At first I was very comfortable with this and thought I was being responsible wih the testing. Now I'm starting to wonder if I've done something foolish. For one thing I've read that urine gono and clam tests are not so sensitive for women. I'm getting increasingly anxious about my risk. Please advise on how I should proceed. Can I continue to have unprotected sex with her??
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Once again, you are over reading things--I suspect this is part of yoru OCD. I was merely validating your own statement -"The plan was that we'll both get tested this week as we are presumably out of the window period (she claims the last time she had sex was four weeks ago and it was protected)." Please relax. EWH
I'm curious and anxious why you would actually recommend HIV testing for me given these circumstances. I don't think I can handle the next 4 weeks waiting to test and wondering whether I'm infected or not. I feel totally consumed with worry about this. I did have some chafed skin on my penis the first time she gave me oral which is increasing my anxiety about it
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Close to zero for all. EWH
What is my actual risk of HIV given this story? What about the risks of other stds given that the last oral sex we had was one week and I'm not having any symptoms ?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to our Forum. Before I comment on your concerns, let me point out, as I suspect you have already considered, that it was probably VERY difficult for your partner to tell you of her prior work as a commercial sex worker and that getting into a relationship in which it is possible to be truthful about past partners is a VERY good, and not a very common thing. Let's now work through your questions.
As we have said many times on the Forum, among sex acts, oral sex (giving or receiving) is the activity least likely to lead to STD transmission and acquisition. Since your partner has been checked in the past, it is unlikely that she is infected. Being tested for the most common STDs (gonorrhea, chlamydia, NGU for you and trichomonas for her is a good and perfectly reasonable idea. I presume to be sure you'll also want to get checked for the other STDs which are far less common but easily checked for with blood tests, HIV and syphilis. My guess is that all of the tests will be negative. We do not recommend blood tests for herpes in situations such as yours-they are more likely to be misleading than helpful.
Until you two get around to testing, there is no reason not to continue kissing (including French kissing), mutual masturbation an oral sex as you have already be engaged int.
I hope this helps and hope this relationship works for you. EWH
As we have said many times on the Forum, among sex acts, oral sex (giving or receiving) is the activity least likely to lead to STD transmission and acquisition. Since your partner has been checked in the past, it is unlikely that she is infected. Being tested for the most common STDs (gonorrhea, chlamydia, NGU for you and trichomonas for her is a good and perfectly reasonable idea. I presume to be sure you'll also want to get checked for the other STDs which are far less common but easily checked for with blood tests, HIV and syphilis. My guess is that all of the tests will be negative. We do not recommend blood tests for herpes in situations such as yours-they are more likely to be misleading than helpful.
Until you two get around to testing, there is no reason not to continue kissing (including French kissing), mutual masturbation an oral sex as you have already be engaged int.
I hope this helps and hope this relationship works for you. EWH
Finally, should I want to continue seeing her (Which I'm considering doing as she's a good person and I'm trying hard not to judge), is it safe for me to continue having unprotected oral sex prior to us getting tested? I want to do the right thing for my sexual health
Just as an addendum, she only performed oral sex on me on three occasions, and I on her twice. I have fingered her at least a dozen times and she's given me at least a dozen hand jobs. We've been kissing non stop for weeks basically every night
You are reading content posted in the STDs Forum
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
