What to Divulge? Really ready or kidding myself?

[faithhopegreatestlove]

Hi everyone,
This post is part question, part expression of real fears. I applied for a job that I'm certain will be offered to me. It's part-time, should be fun and challenging, but have some demands I'm not sure I'm ready to meet. I've also re-enrolled in a Masters program that starts in January. I changed to a less technical program, and think that I'll be able to get through it, even if I can't make the same grades as before.

I think I 'm ready to go back to school and work, but know I'm cognitively not the person I was a year ago.

I'm deliberating about what to tell my future employer, if anything, about the state of my health, the cognitive issues I still have, ... If I was going to work for a stranger, I think I'd just keep it all to myself as I believe that I can compensate now for the cognitive issues. My problem is that the person I would work for knows me as the person I was, not who I am now. I have tremendous respect for him, and dread that I'll have "issues" that will require that I disclose my health issues. I feel even more of a sense of obligation to talk to him about this stuff, at least privately, because we've been friends on a personal level and I don't want him to think poorly of me for not telling him. I've tried to keep my problems a very private affair, only my family and closest friends know anything about my health problems and the stroke/seizure/whatever-it-was.

One relative that has had to overcome similar problems assures me that I'll be fine, they won't even know anything is wrong if I can just remember to write things down, set reminders, ... Maybe I've just lost my confidence because I know I'm different now and thinking tasks are so much more difficult than they used to be.

I want my life back!!!! And, I believe I won't know what I'm really capable of doing, until I try to do more.

Forgive me for the virtual thinking out loud type post. I'd be interested in other's thoughts or experiences with what they've told employers/potential employers.

All the best to everyone,
--faithHGL

[faithhopegreatestlove]

Maria,
You got me laughing with this one! By the end of your note, I was picturing myself sitting across from you at a desk, standing up to shake hands, only to discover, you'd snatched my shake hand off while asking why I had the large chunks missing from my backside; gotta think Monty Python-esque.

Alright, I'm slow, but I do get the message. I'm going to relax about this. If/when the job is offered, I'll arrange to have a private discussion with the person I'll be working for, before accepting. IF he's the person I think he is, he'll take this in stride. And, what is my greatest fear -- I don't really know -- that I won't be perceived at the dynamo/brainiac/gets-it-done person I used to be???

Thanks to you all,
--faithHGL

[MrsAristotle]

Hummm what a conundrum........

You have to say something and be honest. You had an episode and you are getting over it now, yes it might have left you with a few things still to overcome but you are getting there.

The thing is this.

What if you had been working with this guy and then had the problems would this person just walk away from you or support you. I am sure he would have supported you because if the answer was NO he wouldnt then quite frankly I wouldnt want to work with him anyway.

I agree with binxy you should just have that conversation.....

Sometimes we are just so darn hard on ourselves.

You say you are not the person you once was but then heck no one is. Every year we get older and our cognitive thinking slowly deteriorates as a matter of course.

Wow I have been a boss and worked with people who have had no health issues and yet they too use the YELLOW STICKERS, and memo pads to remind them to do this or that its quite normal, you are just doing NORMAL human things, you are just attributing all these changes to your illness.....

So you use a few post it notes, who doesnt.

How many of us before we got sick would walk upstairs and stand on the landing and think HECK WHY DID I COME UP HERE lol............

My daughter is 36 and one of the worse she has a memory of a flea lol but she manages to get around lol.

We all have to learn to compensate with something in our lives its how we perceive ourselves that is important.

Perhaps you are just seeing too much about how you are now, perhaps even if you hadnt got sick you would not be much different now you will never know will you.

A few cognitive problems is NORMAL...

You are still you, just a bit more battered and bruised but your on the road to recovery and any employer would be proud to take on someone who is so determined to get back and work it shows a great character and if you had applied for a job with me I would have snatched your hand off........a lot of people use disability and illness as an excuse not to work...................

And Sara I think you are amazing and you too have kept focused even though you have been through so much in your young life....

And binxy too who even though you are scared and in pain still take the time to support others.

Maria who believes honesty is the best policy otherwise it can bite you on the bum when you least expect it lol.xxxxx

[faithhopegreatestlove]

Hi binx and Sara,
Thanks for weighing in, the encouragement and good advice.

binx, your comment that I am still me no matter what hit me pretty hard. A few months ago, I think I would have just sit and cried out of frustration, but now, I'm thinking that, yeah, even with the changes, I am me. And, that's not so bad. I'm going to take your suggestion, to wait till after the job is offered (if indeed it is) to say anything -- gory details redacted.
While I'm thinking about you, what is the date of your surgery?

Sara, You've sure been through it as well. Thanks for sharing your experience with me and all the rest of us. Learning to do things differently, compensating for changing cognitive or physical problems has been a real challenge. At first, it wasn't even a possibility. I'm not exactly a newbie in the limboland forum, though I've only been participating since about May of this year. It's meant so much to me to be part of this community.

Thanks again, to the both of you.
--faithHGL

[illinwithoutacause]

dear faithHGL,

i am thinking that if i were in your shoes, i would probably talk to your potential employer once you get the offer about some aspects of your illness, but maybe not the gory details.  if he knows you--and you are still YOU not matter what--he should understand.

this is just my opinion.
take good care,
binx

[SLadylani]

Hey! Welcome to our group! I find the best support, guidance, strength, and wisdom here. As far as employers and illness go, I haven't been able to hold a job longer than 3 months since I got sick, siad nothing to my employers, and ran away from the situation when times got rough, leaving a not-so-good looking resume or references.

But I can relate on a different level. I have 4 years clean/sober and did a lot of brain damage while out there, drugs of choice meth, coke, heroine, the works. I was always a straight A student. After  got clean I tried to go back to nursing school and my mind wasn't the same as it used to be. I couldn't study as I used to and struggled.

I had to find different ways to study, many of which were unhelathy at the time, but did not use throughout the process. And mind you I graduated at the top of my class with honors somehow. So I can relate to not being that same person, but still having the same dreams and goals and having to work around your new imperfections.

There is hope I find. Just like today with my illness I have learned to make alterations, and they become a part of my daily living. My question for you is what do you fear most about telling your employer about what happend? That he will not offer you the job? Perhaps you could write out a worst and best case scenario list and go through the pros and cons.

Thats the best suggestion I can come up with. Anyway, my name is Sara, and I'm always, well not always, but I'm generally here to talk. Take care!