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My girlfriend was sexually molested by her father...will this feeling of sickness, and hatred for him ever go away?

This entire post is going to seem selfish but I really need help.

My girlfriend of a year and a half, told me about a month ago that she was sexually molested as a child by her father. I love her with everything I am, she is everything I could ever want, and I love everything about her. She has been to counseling and is a very strong person so I know she will be ok. I, however, feel awful about it. Every time I think about it I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I am going to throw up, and every time I try to talk about how I feel with her, she just reminds me that she loves me and tells me not to think about it, but that doesn't help. I don't know if she says this just because she doesn't want to think about it, or if she thinks that I will just get over it. I am worried that this will affect our relationship if this feeling continues.

Anyway, my question is this, will this feeling ever go away?....Will I ever be able to get over this feeling of absolute hatred for that man?....and if so, how long will it take, and is there anything I can do in the mean time?

Thanks in advance for any advice.
2 Responses
523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.

Your feelings certainly aren't selfish; they're YOUR feelings, and you have every right to them.

You've asked some unanswerable questions. No one can tell you whether you'll ever get over something or how long it will take. That will be up to you.

The best way I know to begin to move beyond something is to talk about it, analyze it and gain insight into your feelings. Somewhere deep down inside, you may feel that somehow your girlfriend is "damaged" because of her experience. That's not unusual, given the societal messages most of us get that sexuality is harmful, scary, etc.

Here's a question you could ask yourself: If you girlfriend had been the victim of a violent robbery in which she was severely traumatized, would you have trouble getting over it?

Maybe yes, maybe no. But if the answer is no, then you might wish to explore just what sex means to you and whether you might harbor some sense that she was "responsible" or that she's "damaged goods" etc. These are tough questions for which only you know the answer.

I also recommend talking to a counselor to help you gain some insight into your feelings so you can move on. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Avatar universal
I'm in the same place. She doesn't want to talk about it. "Sexually molested" is kind of vague.
When her and I are intimate, I can't completely stop the images (graphic) of what may have happened between them.  Yes, during THAT time. (what caught me about your post was the selfish part)
I have to just try and block it, but it comes back, so I block again. I feel nothing but sickness and hatred for him. He passed in May 2011, and she still gets saddened by his loss. I wish I knew this at that time because I may have had words for him. I plan to follow your post with hopes of knowing the same answer you seek.
And no, I have not told her I have these thoughts at that time. I don't want to hurt her and really think this may BUT, I have to be happy with "us" as well. I do feel somewhat selfish with thinking about me, with what she went thru, but again, I need to be happy with my life too.

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