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Women's libido
I suffer from lack of sex drive for about 10 years. I have tried a lot of so-called aphrodisiacs and so on, but have had no success. I was on Zyban for 2 months and noticed that my sex drive returned to a normal state, but was not allowed to take this for any longer t ... [More] han the two months, as my doctor said I would probably have side-effects if I stayed on it. I did not have any side-effects in the two months I was on it. Looking for answers. No other health problems. I would like to get my marriage back on track.
Yes, i agree with Dr J. Settle your issues with your husband before it's too late. If you prolong that issue, it would really affect your marriage life. I think, the "forgive and forget and learn from it " is the best thing to do now for you to be able to move on. That is... if you still want to save your relationship with your husband.
when I read your question, it reminded me of how i was when i was still living with my ex husband. True, that it is hard to have sex with someone if you have ill feelings with him.
it's good that you were able to trace right away the reason why you have low libido with sex, and you still have a chance to rectify it with your husband.
it's good that you were able to trace right away the reason why you have low libido with sex, and you still have a chance to rectify it with your husband.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi there.
You're most welcome. Good for you that you've discovered some of the contributing factors to your loss of desire. Sounds to me like the most important factor for you to focus on now is your relationship with your husband and your very understandable feelings of anger and resentment. Perhaps the two of you would benefit from seeing a counselor who is trained to help people communicate about sexual issues. Good luck! Dr. J
You're most welcome. Good for you that you've discovered some of the contributing factors to your loss of desire. Sounds to me like the most important factor for you to focus on now is your relationship with your husband and your very understandable feelings of anger and resentment. Perhaps the two of you would benefit from seeing a counselor who is trained to help people communicate about sexual issues. Good luck! Dr. J
I think I may be very run down physically. I went to the health food store and got some Barley Greens drink and I think it is giving me more energy and I feel better. For some years I drank alcohol heavily but gave it up a couple of years ago. I also smoke and have been trying to give it up but have been unsuccessful although I have cut down a lot.
A few years ago I found out my dearly beloved husband had betrayed me and I have spent a lot of time trying to forgive and forget.
I guess I need healing of a physical, spiritual, psychological and sexual nature.
A holistic type situation that I need to work on.
Thanks for your great reply.
A few years ago I found out my dearly beloved husband had betrayed me and I have spent a lot of time trying to forgive and forget.
I guess I need healing of a physical, spiritual, psychological and sexual nature.
A holistic type situation that I need to work on.
Thanks for your great reply.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
First of all, Wellbutrin (Zyban) is an anti-depressant that has few, if any, sexual side effects. In fact, many docs recommend this drug for people whose depressive symptoms include lack of sexual desire. If you are, in fact, clinically depressed, you may be helped by this drug. Consult a psychiatrist for a complete work-up to see if you’re a candidate for remaining on the drug long-term.
Since you’ve experienced changes in your desire for sex for over 10 years, there could be many factors that are affecting your desire. Here are some other possibilities.
Sexual desire is a very tenuous thing: it can come and go many times. Has it occurred to you that you may have some issues with your relationship? Perhaps you’re bored, but don’t know how to express yourself, or you’re holding back for fear of hurting your husband’s feelings (fairly common among women).
Ask yourself what changed since you first met. Do you think about sex—not with him, but with others? Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you self-pleasure? Have sexy dreams? If so, that would indicate that you’re interested in sex, but you’re just not interested in sex with your husband. This could be an indicator that it’s the relationship that’s problematic, not sex in and of itself.
On the other hand, if you DON’T think about sex ever, if it’s not a priority for you, then you may be repressing sexual feelings, or you’re just not that interested in sex. We all go through periods in our life when our sexual interests fluctuate—just like our interests in other aspects of life.
It’s also possible that, for some reason, you’re no longer turned on to your husband. And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? How’s your self-esteem? Do you feel attractive? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.
Are you an anxious person? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any reasons you may have for avoiding sex with your husband?
Other reasons you might not be turned on: If you’re worried about pleasing your husband, rather than just enjoying pleasure, this can be a turn-off. The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
And, of course, there’s the whole issue of your husband’s attitudes and behaviors and whether any of those are affecting your desire. Is sex mostly about HIS pleasure rather than yours? Or do you feel that sex is about satisfying him rather than yourself?
So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or may have performance issues or be bored or frustrated. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any resonate. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
First of all, Wellbutrin (Zyban) is an anti-depressant that has few, if any, sexual side effects. In fact, many docs recommend this drug for people whose depressive symptoms include lack of sexual desire. If you are, in fact, clinically depressed, you may be helped by this drug. Consult a psychiatrist for a complete work-up to see if you’re a candidate for remaining on the drug long-term.
Since you’ve experienced changes in your desire for sex for over 10 years, there could be many factors that are affecting your desire. Here are some other possibilities.
Sexual desire is a very tenuous thing: it can come and go many times. Has it occurred to you that you may have some issues with your relationship? Perhaps you’re bored, but don’t know how to express yourself, or you’re holding back for fear of hurting your husband’s feelings (fairly common among women).
Ask yourself what changed since you first met. Do you think about sex—not with him, but with others? Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you self-pleasure? Have sexy dreams? If so, that would indicate that you’re interested in sex, but you’re just not interested in sex with your husband. This could be an indicator that it’s the relationship that’s problematic, not sex in and of itself.
On the other hand, if you DON’T think about sex ever, if it’s not a priority for you, then you may be repressing sexual feelings, or you’re just not that interested in sex. We all go through periods in our life when our sexual interests fluctuate—just like our interests in other aspects of life.
It’s also possible that, for some reason, you’re no longer turned on to your husband. And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? How’s your self-esteem? Do you feel attractive? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.
Are you an anxious person? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any reasons you may have for avoiding sex with your husband?
Other reasons you might not be turned on: If you’re worried about pleasing your husband, rather than just enjoying pleasure, this can be a turn-off. The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
And, of course, there’s the whole issue of your husband’s attitudes and behaviors and whether any of those are affecting your desire. Is sex mostly about HIS pleasure rather than yours? Or do you feel that sex is about satisfying him rather than yourself?
So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or may have performance issues or be bored or frustrated. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any resonate. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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