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Avatar universal

1st Time step parent

I have been with my partner for near a year and his 15yr old daughter lives in Vic with her Mum.
My partner and i have a solid and adjusted relationship and when his daughter visits us, there is always problems.
I cant do anything right, my parenter is always in talks with her, with regards to the problems she has with me.
This has been a massive kick in the legs for me as i do all, i not only emotionly / financially support her, i feel i go over board to appease and please her. I cant help it as i am unable to have children and i adore her but i am also fed up. My poor partner is piggy in the middle.
I generally come out of these discussions taking the blame or being blamed.
15 Year old constantly gives me dirty side looks and body langauge and when her father appears, she is normal and dadys little girl. I am frustrated with her approach to me and the arguements its created between my partner and i. She has had some problems with living with her mum to the point her partner moved out, they are still together however live apart, She also has a young brother 3-4 years of age, whom she couldnt stand but has come to love and nurture. she wants to live with her Dad and has called me Mum a few times, but her kindness always comes with a cost, Then i wait for my partner to approach me with the next problem she is having with me.
She has advised at present she feels un welcome and left out, as her father and i have moved , from where we lived last and will move again once we purchase a home. She feels changes  are being made with out her.
I feel her father and i are the adults and making a new life and no matter what we do she is always apart of us. I dont feel our choices are to be made by her, am i being to hard or  too soft. How do i make my partner see what she is doing whilst he is not around and the manipulation, I dont want to leave my partner, but i have to pull the wool from his eyes and somehow work with her so she understands that i am staying with dad and im with her and not against her...
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Avatar universal
This seems hard because who wants to stay on something that. It seems you need to sit down and talk to your partner. Tell him you love his daughter but you don't deserve to be treated like that. Put your foot down. Pray on it before you speak to him but tell him something has to change. Also, start calling the daughter out. Ask her is she just gave you a dirty look. Ask her if she has a problem that she needs to discuss. The problem I have with the blended family, we are having the same issue in my house, is of child has a problem with mom, she isn't going to tell dad and he talk to mom. He is going to say, well that is your mother, you have a problem, talk to her. You are the adult. You are not there to pay bills and be Mrs. Nice guy and then line up once little missy makes a compliment. Also, ignore her in regard to she feels left of decisions...she should unless she has some damn money! She is a child and should stay in a child's place and if daddy ain't doing...then you need to get the respect your deserve as parent in the household. Tell your husband that he can't keep putting her ridiculous complaints over you. I'm mad for you!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't get me wrong, I'm over here having issues with a 5 year old and everyone keeps saying, he is 5. So I look like this crazy, sensitive woman that is angry with a kid...but I just get angry with my husband who I feel could do more to support me. He allows me to correct them but I don't really want to because it is his job as primary...but he won't do it. I know if they were my children and they gave me these issues, he would not allow it. But since they are not, he goes into protective mode. It is upsetting. He keeps saying his son is picky when he refuses to eat my food...but he isn't picky when he goes home to mommy and they give him greens. He will say, I'm not going to eat, I'm not hungry if I'm cooking and says he wants to go back home when daddy doesn't get Chic Filet, pizza, Popeye's or whatever. I was taking my daughter on a trip and he told me not to take the new car. He spit on the car window when we didn't stop at the restaurant he wanted. He kicked my mom in the butt when he didn't want to give her a hug but she took one. And I'm upset but when I talk to my husband, he says there is a bigger issue at hand and he is not doing because he is upset his parents divorced and sees me as the reason....even though the kid told me he loves mommy, daddy, big sister (my bio daughter)...I said that is nice, we love you too. He said I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about my other mommy. I then kept asking and he said I like when my mommy is at home and my daddy is at home and we all live in the same house. It upsets me that my husband is in denial. And then people judge me because I don't feel I can stay in a situation like this. And now he just wants to avoid all together until we go through this on the next weekend.
Helpful - 0

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