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help please!!!

Hi im 17 weeks pregnant with my second child and me and hubby keep arguing over our son and my step son, its like one rule for his son but another for ours...

its aways the same rules for ours but for his son he can stay up till late one day, another time another day, he gets anything he wants, rugby 3 times a week with his dad (our son stays with me),money for swimming on a friday, yet my son gets nothing from him......... not even time one to one which he quite willingly gives to his other son.

I dont spend money on my son to make up for it.that makes a spoilt child and me just as bad as my hubby, and i want my son to appreciate things and money, instead we play games go to the park etc. I think my hubby has took our son to the park 3 times in 4 years!!!!

its driving me so mad that i want to walk away....we argue all the time too. Our son is 4 and his is 11, i understand some rules will be different but he comes in the house,goes straight upstairs without saying hello,winds my son up after being in the house for 5 mins!, never tidy's up after himself and i have to do/sort it all.

I always seem to be on his case. Its got to a point where i dont even speak to my step son any more, im just so angry! I cant smile or laugh in my own home becasue i am just so unhappy ;0(

For christmas he got a £200 I pod, my son got half that, its just like hes permenantly compensating for splitting up with his ex. She is the same he has a laptop at each house (never uses it) games consloles at both houses, i pod, top of the range phones, new rugby boots when ever he needs them...............argh hes so spoilt!!

My hubby is rugby obsessed and so is my step son so they sit and watch rugby together while my son has to play by himself (im normally cleaning). its like becasue my son is younger he doesnt like giving him the attention. This is happening right now and while my hubby and step son are cuddling up on the couch watching rugby , my son keeps wanting to play with him, .....hubby keeps shooing him away............its just so upsetting. I know my hubby loves our son but all i want it for them both to have the same attention.

Im from a divorced family and my mum never treated us like she owed us, she did it becasue she loved us and it would have been far worse if my mum and dad would have stayed together........im just grateful for that.

Ive also got SPD with my pregnancy and its hurting and he never offers to help or just be kind to his brother, which winds me up so so much.

I get told all the time you knew what you were getting into but i didnt know how i would feel i just dont like my step son and you can judge me on this comment but i am so unhappy that my son is ushered out and i want to scream and scream but no one listens!,

where is this new baby going to fit in??? my son gets no time with im already so god forbid what attention the new baby is going to get................. now im going to play with my son who i love so much
2 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
See a counselor.  Go together if he'll go or go alone if he won't.
13167 tn?1327194124
I completely agree with Annie - you need family counseling badly.

When I read through and really try to picture all this that you're describing,  it sounds like your husband truly connects to his son,  and your son may not share interests with him that the older son does.

For example,  your husband and stepson are watching rugby together - the 4 year old isn't watching too?  It just sounds like he connects more to the older one.

Also, if you're so angry at your husband because of this and are taking it out on the stepson by "getting on to him all the time you're so angry about this " and now completely ignoring him and refusing to speak to him due to your husband's behavior,  he may be running defense for his son and trying to shield him from your hostility.  

Your husband could counter with well look at all the attention you heap on our son,  and mine can't even get a civil word from you.  Do you see how this builds on itself?

Blended families so seldom work,  because of this kind of dynamic and territoriality.  Imagine if this older boy were yours also,  and just had a special connection with the dad where you have a special connection with the younger one.  Would you be feeling any hostility at all?   Wistfulness maybe,  but not the kind of anger you're taking out on this boy that's not yours.

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