Avatar universal

our kids and his kids

i have a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old with my partner... also 2 stepdaughters aged 8 and 10. all girls. partner and i have been together nearly 4 years. partner was split from his wife a good 2 years before i even met him.

generally the relationship with the stepkids is good but i always feel like i am putting way too much effort in and never getting any appreciation. my partner works very long hours and for very little money. i am on my own with my two babies all the time and we barely make it through the month financially we rely on loans, family and friends and even food banks. i guess i cant help but feel resentful at the massive amount of money he pays to their mother every month that means me and my babies always go without. also their mother is remarried to a man with a very good job and has plenty of money.

I dont really know what my question is to be honest i guess i just need some support...
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Avatar universal
Sorry....just noticed, you aren't even married to this man?  Oh my.

You need to talk with your partner and maybe look into finding work and trying to support your two little ones.  I wouldn't worry about what he has to pay his ex for child support because there is NOTHING you can do about that.  

All the best.
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Avatar universal
Hon.....he has to take care of ALL his children, not just the ones you have with him.  That's just how it is.  

Was he making loads of money when you met him?  Probably not.  

Are you even working?  Outside of the home that is?  

This has more to do with the decisions you've made than the "money" going to the ex.  

The stepdad may contribute to the children's expenses, but at the end of the day your husband is their father and is LEGALLY responsible.  I don't think it would be fair to push all the financial responsibility on the stepparent and let the bio dad pay nothing since he is making less money.

Children are very expensive and I think your situation is very common nowadays even with intact families......working more and getting paid less.  Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mother (god bless those women), BUT you need to have a strong financial plan before considering doing this.....i.e. before having babies.  If he was financially "strapped" before you met him, then that was your clue that you can't be a stay at home mother.  You can be a mother well, but you need to work.  

If you feel you are putting "too much into this" I would recommend you have a chat with hubby about what's going on with you.  I mean.....if you are relying on food bank, family, etc. to make ends meet this is NOT a good thing.  Maybe you could ask family to watch the children while you look for work.  Sounds like you need to be working and not at home.  

Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1642048000
1.  It might help to stop feeling that he is somehow paying their mother money.  He is not making a payment for the support of the mother, he is making a payment for the support of his children.  

2.  Has your husband asked the courts for a readjustment based on her increased income?  (Do you really know for sure that the man she is married to has "plenty of money"?  I've never met anyone, even people with a good job, who is not spending almost more than their income.  Maybe millionaires and billionaires aren't living hand to mouth, but a lot of middle class people are, and it can't always be seen by looking.)  

Anyway, sweetheart, think of it this way.  Say time went on and you and this guy broke it off, and he met someone new, and they had a couple of kids.  How would you feel if she resented your kids for getting child support from their dad?  What would you think of her attitude?
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