My mother-in-law's (she's 76 years old) husband (he's 77) suffered a stroke 2 years ago. 80 percent of what he says is jibberish, though if one understands his "language" one can figure out what he means. However, he does understand what's being said most of the time.
He is currently in a nursing home and being treated for extreme depression (counseling, meds).
For the first year, she was there every day. But as he deteriorated (he has a myriad of other health issues, including chf and polymyalgia) he became angrier. Now, when they are alone he blames her for him being there;
And says she doesn't want him anymore. He feels he has no purpose. It is a daily on-slot of stress and pain for her. When someone else is there, he doses off or looks out the window disengaged.
All he wants is to come home, and that is impossible.
His condition: 276 lbs, Wheelchair-bound, incontinent, severe boils on the arms and legs, severe water retention. Patient lift used to move him. And the long-term prognosis doesn't look promising.
About my MiL: Has raised four children, Has never been on a vacation, a four-time cancer survivor, Currently babysits her grandson (working mother), Took care of her husband after his knees went bad and after he broke his hip.
I had told her that when he becomes angry and abusive to tell him she loves him but if he doesn't stop she'll see him tomorrow. Then leave. This is difficult for her to do.
But the anger is continuous. I've seen her at the nursing home and at home in tears stressed over how she's supposed to act and cope. And she's guilt-ridden about not seeing him.
I finally told her that she should cut her visits down,......to 3 or 4 days a week. She needs time away from the stress.
I don't know if this was the best approach. I can see her growing increasingly tired and weak over this.
If someone has a better approach or advice I'd appreciate the input.