First, thanks for sharing on this site. You've enriched my day and I am better for having crossed your path in this life. I'm serious. You may not fully believe or understand that, but I assure you I mean it. I've had a hard day today too (nothing like yours I'm sure - though I've had PLENTY of those kind in the past too). The chance to possibly get to be of some tiny, tiny help to you today, makes me feel better, and that is why I logged on today.
Trust me, I've been where you're at, and for many, many months. Indeed years. Life is very difficult even for people that in some sense are thought of as "the beautiful people" (I'm an attorney who feels terrible because--by choice--I no longer practice law any more). But I'm SO GLAD that when I was where you're at now, I reached out and got help - like strong and wise people do - and came back from the edge.
You can come back from it too. And things can and probably will feel better again. And I bet it won't be as long as you think. I dearly wish I could promise that tomorrow all will feel better.
What do you do for your most profound catharsis experiences? When you want to feel emotion of the best kind the world has? Art? Movies? Literature? Music? Company and friendship with other human beings? Find some combination of that now. Take the very small action you can - just one small step for now. Then, in time, another. You can eat this elephant one bite at a time. That I do promise.
You can get through. And again, it is very likely to feel better again - and much better.
If you need treatment, get it. If it's therapy or friendship or exercise or hope or changing perspective, get it. Do something. Easily said I know. But I didn't sign on to make you feel okay about suicide. Yep - you have correctly recognized this as A way out. But you've also correctly deduced that it isn't a very good one. You have better available.
I have found improvement over the years - some in medical treatment, some in friendships, some in support of others suffering from depression, family, etc. All I have learned is that it was SO WORTH HANGING AROUND FOR - and my daughters and my wife agree! You've got someone who couldn't live in this world nearly as happily without you. Go and ask that person if they love you at your worst - they DO!
Hang on! Take my word for it that right now, you lack sufficient perspective to appreciate the possibility and perspective of what your future can hold. That ain't new-age nonsense; I have lived it. See next post.
Give me a reply in a day or two - I want to hear back. I'll check back on occasion as I have time.
freddie8605 - and all.....
Check this out some time when you really want a pick-me-up. http://www.alisonlevine.com/video/.
Check out a little of her bio and videos - especially her work in Uganda - which is difficult to believe. And then try having a really bad day. She spoke at a conference I was at, and it lit up a spark and allowed me to feel a little better about the world - a little more hopeful. I wish she had her whole presentation on line - I'm working on getting it. Immensly, profoundly moving.
I share it for its value toward encouragement and inspiration.
hey, Thanks for your reply, i have been suffering from Bipolar disorder and at the moment i am in the depressive phase. I have had feelings of suicidal before and have attempted before as well but i haven't felt this way for at least 2 years now so i guess its come to me as a shock as i never thought i would go through this again. i don't want to die because of my family and friends would be really hurt but i sometimes feel i cant do this life anymore. I love art but at the moment i don't have any creativity my brain is fogged! and struggle watching tv ad movies because of low concentration. yesterday i did ring my mom and talked to your about everything which was helpful and made me feel a tiny bit better. that link you sent me is interesting because my mom was on of the first woman to go to the Antarctica so i have herd of the hardest from her all while growing up. it is very inspiring but i don't think i will ever be good enough that anyone would be able to say that about me.