I had a miscarriage on June 30 and my DH friends wife gave birth the same day and I still have not seen there baby still because it is such a painful reminder of what I lost I recently concieved again and still cannot get over the people who are having babies when I would of been due
this is such a tough subject. im still dealing with feelings about pg friends & family and my miscarriage was over a yr ago. i try to be happy for them but it always raised the question why me...i hate to feel resentment for ppl who are having healthy babies. its not their fault. and having felt this pain i dont wish it on my worse enemy. but one things for sure-im NOT apologizing for the way i feel. if idw to be bothered, i wont. you have to protect u and your feelings. im never mean but i will not hestiate to let it be know if i just cant deal at that date & time. so if it means missing my brother's/his girlfriend baby shower-so be it! tough titty-ill send a gift-lol. but wont subject my self to being in a situation thats goin to make me sad/depressed. so i guess im tryn to say you are allowed to have those feelings. and dont feel bad cause u do have those feelings. one sum things/situations u will b okay-on other u will have to distnace yourself. you should be your number one priority. they mite be mad/or dont understand but they will get over it!!! XOXO
I have also been experianceing the things that you are going through i just distanced myself away from all of them I have been ttc for 2 years we had a miscarriage and then a cp and both times I have gotten pregnant first it was my cousin in laws girlfriend and then it was my cousin and i cant be around them so i go visit family when i know not everyone is there so i dont have to see it
I know excatly what you are going through because in my family its all about competeing to all these people if someone is pregnant someone else rushs to get pregnant to espally my cousin who is now on her 7th child and had no consideration of anyone elses feelings
I know my comment is a year late, and hopefully you haven't been back on because your hubby and you have had success. My fiance and I lost our baby at 11 weeks. And I should have been due on Sunday. Go figure, all 3 of my best friends are pregnant right now. My friend that still lives in this state, has been driving me crazy. She's had spotting, so she texts me, calls hysterical and I am expected to calm her down. Just a week ago, her friend's mother bought her some things at a yard sale, and because we were having lunch, she says, we have to go pick the stuff up. I held it together quite well until she ran in her home and I called my fiance and just lost it. And I have to try and keep my feelings from her, because no one wants to make a pregnant woman sad. But, what about me?
Please don't give yourself a deadline. 40 is an arbitrary number - there is no logic to the belief that your fertility suddenly takes a nose dive the day you turn 40. You got pregnant at 38 and you can get pregnant again at 39 or 40. Stay with it and we'll soon be celebrating your BFP and then your baby day!
Sending you hugs and wishing you bucket loads of baby dust!!
Chelsea
having this forum and friends online is my way of having my own support group. I find it really hard to talk to family and friends about TTC and also my miscarriage.
I know exactly how you feel! I had a missed miscarriage at 9wks 2days, then had a d&c on march 30. since then have had friends (seems like all of them) come up to me and tell me they are pregnant. They have all been hard to deal with but one was more so.
She has 2 children already and is not raisin either of them. About two days after my d&c she called me to tell me not only was she pregnant but was having twins. She keeps asking me questions about how I found out, or knew i was pregnant and like you I keep having US pics shown to me. I found myself disassociating myself and ignoring her and feel really bad.
I feel like people think because it has been "x" amount of time that i should just "get over it".; but as you know thats almost impossible. I don't know if this will help but I have done a lot of praying (as well as crying and asking why).
I finally called her to tell her that even though she was happy, and rightfully so, that I couldn't constantly hear or see all the things she wanted to share at the moment and I asked her if she could stop asking me questions about my pregnancy.
Although she did not fully understand, things have slacked off.
I am soooo sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers. Good luck!!
Hi,
Im going through the same thing..all of my close friends are pregnant, at different stages but I think im lucky in that they are all being so much help.. its wierd because they have become my main support, despite their own pregnancies.
At first I avoided them and they avoided me, I just got the 'how are you bearing up' texts and ended up sitting on my own day after day, while they all met up for coffee without letting me know because they felt like they couldnt talk about their pregnancies around me. Although I didnt want to see their bumps or talk about babies I felt so alone as they are my closest friends that I was almost forced into it. So I got them together, told them exactly how I felt (granted I was pretty much in tears the whole time) while saying at the same time that I didnt want to take cast any negativity over their pregnancies and so if they got that impression at any point, that wasnt how I intended it, that I was just going through a grieving period and I needed them to bear with me.
I started at the beginning and told them exactly how I felt.. the good and the bad, how I felt about myself and how I felt about them and their pregnancies. After this they have been amazing ever and it has made me face the feelings that I was bottling up. I think telling these people how you feel will make them realise the reality of your situation and appreciate a little more what you are going through, that it isnt a game or play for attention, this is real life and it has affected your body and emotions even beyond your control (as I often find myself fine one minute then crying my eyes out the next!!). If they have never been in the same situation then they are never going to totally understand but by explaining to them it might help, while making them appreciate their own pregnancies all the more... especially if they are taking it for granted (which really really annoys and upsets me).
I think ive been really lucky with my friends in how they have been with me and everyone takes their own time to heal, emotionally and physically, but please please dont bottle everything up inside. take it in very little steps and confront those things that upset you, slowly... and it will be slowly, you will see the excitement in pregnancy again. And as Jenni1187 said to me its ladies who have been through the experience of losing a child that will make the best moms
hey.. I know how it feel's.. and how cruel some people can be.. not only did my sister anounce she was pregnant, afew weeks after our mc.. to make things worse, she is having twins.. ARGH.. I feel so bloody mad, I've had to distance my self from her,as it's the only way i can cope with it.. and dont really know where to go from here. think it will just take time. x.
I found out today that I'll be facing that same thing. I had an ectopic pregnancy two months ago and my friend/coworker (who doesn't want a baby) just found out she's pregnant. I feel the same way you do. I am kind of resentful because she was talking today about how she's not going to quit smoking or drinking so it kind of makes me feel a little bitter inside. And I just broke down. I kept telling myself to save it for when I got home, but I couldn't control it. And when she saw me crying, she asked me what was wrong. I definitely think it's rude for your friend to flaunt it like she does. She should be more sensitive to your situation, but unfortunately some people don't have it in them to consider other people's feelings.
I'm still working on figuring out a way to deal with seeing her ultrasound pictures and her growing belly as the months go on. I'm happy for her though. I don't even think she's happy for herself yet, but I really am. It's just that my way of dealing with my ectopic is by not dealing with it. I don't talk about it and I try not to even think about it because I've learned that crying doesn't make it better and talking doesn't either because no one around me understands. So knowing she's pregnant is making me come face to face with my emotions. But I'm trying to separate the two. We were robbed of our pregnancy experience, but at the same time, it's not fair to rob someone else of theirs. It's an exciting time and I know I need to find a way to separate my experience from hers, for my own sanity so I don't have an emotional break down every time someone says congratulations to her.
It's hard to recover from something like this, and it's even harder when it's staring you directly in the face and you can't push it aside. I know how I need to feel but I don't know how to make that happen. Let me know if you find a way! And tons and TONS of super stick baby dust coming your way!! Good luck!
I am trying to deal with the whole pregnant family members thing too. It is really hard when they act like nothing ever happened and are inconsiderate. We were supposed to go to their shower the day after we had our miscarriage. When we did not go she was mad at me, seems kind of crazy to me. I would never think it would be a good idea to go to a baby shower the day after you have a miscarriage. If I think of any advice or find a way to make things better I will let you know. Good luck with everything.