I find myself needing to write a letter to Chloe and let her know all the things i need to say.9 months has went by since losing her and i still havnt began to heal and i really dont believe that i will.
My Dearest Chloe,
There is not a day that goes by that i dont still shed a tear for you.I still feel you near me and i can still hear your little feet walk across the floor.Some nights i find myself walking through the house cause i thought that i heard your tags rattling.Last month was your Birthday April 1st my little April fools baby.May 1st which was Saturday we had brought you home 8 years ago at 4 weeks old.You were so perfect and i loved you with all my heart.You were just 3 days old the first time that i saw you we had planned on you for so long.It was as if i had just given birth to you.I loved you my baby girl that much.Before we brought you home we had to have everything perfect for you.The evening that we went and got you there was so much happiness and joy words couldnt even describe the way we felt.Every 2 hours we were up fixing you your bottle.There was nights that me and your daddy would run into each other cause both of us wanted to feed you.It was like a race for us to.I never had to set an alarm it was instinct to get up and take care of my baby like any mommy would do.You were over 8 months old before you decided to give up your bottle.What ever you wanted was just what you got.You didnt want to drink out of a bowel you wanted your bottle. 7 years of so much love and so many wonderful memories. with you,We were so blessed.If i was upset you where upset.If you wanted to go Bye Bye then everyone had to go.You loved everyone and everyone that knew you loved you.People that didnt even like animals loved you.It is so funny to think of how you use to sing for us.We always told you that one day you were going to try out for America idol and every time we said that you would sing as loud as you could.Every weekend when your daddy would eat you knew that he would share half of his food with you ,Cause that was yall's special time together.He hardly ever eats yalls favorite food anymore and when he does he still leaves half for you,cause that was something specail that the two of yall shared together.
Coco,I am so sorry for that day.I never meant to hurt you.Mommy was only try help you and your brother.I didnt know that when i kissed you that day and told you to be a good girl and mommy will be back soon that that would be the last time i would feel you in my arms and have your heart beating against mine."Oh My Precious Baby"Can you ever forgive me.This pain and hurt that i feel,i know you wouldnt want to see me like this.But i just cant let you go.When i got back up there i wouldnt let them stop,I tried everything to get you back.We used every med we could to try to bring back.I helped work on you for almost 2hours.I begged your Nana to fix you,Cause mommys are suppose to be able to fix anyything and since i am her baby she was suppose to fix you for me.I begged your daddy to do something.He always said that he would do anything for me and i needed him to bring my baby back.I just couldnt except that you were gone.You were in perfect health,i just couldnt grasp it.After i lost you I didnt want to talk to anyone, All i wanted was my close family and someone to be able to explain to me what happened.
Sometimes when I sit with you and i try to smile and think about all the love we shared,But that day i cant let go.I know you love me and that you dont blame me,and its not that i cry for you cause i know your ok ,I cry for me cause miss you and i feel like i did this to you.On your birthday i found your daddy with you and it hurt me so bad to see him cry like that.When i first lost you,I didnt think about anyone else hurting i couldnt see past my own hurt.Your daddy tries to be strong for me but i can still see the hurt in his eyes.I want you to know that i will always keep your memory alive and you will always be apart us.We will always love you and you will always hold that special place in our hearts.You were my beautiful butterfly.I watched you grow everyday and then one day you grew your wings and flew away.Sometimes when i cry your little brother will say "Dont cry mommy Coco in heaven with Jesus and to hear him say that is the sweetest words.I love you,Coco
Happy Birthday My little girl .Mommy and Daddy and your brothers love you loves and always will.