Aa
inneedofhelp
Hi
I hope you make it home today and that the therapy is going well.
I hope you make it home today and that the therapy is going well.
I have suicidal thoughts. its like i dont want to participate in life. i dont want a career, or girlfriend, or kids, or anything. i dont want to be here. its like life just generally is not fun. i dont love anything. the only thing that keeps me going is my family, i could never do that to them, they have done so much for me it would be so selfish. ugh..
It sounds as though you are depressed.
Have you spoken to a doctor or a psychotherapist?
Have you spoken to a doctor or a psychotherapist?
I got home today it was the most stressful week of my life i thought i would never survive. I felt so ill all week, the anxiety and panic was unreal i never slept for three nights. Then i was so emotional and i was upset everytime someone spoke to me. I saw my therapist four times this week, but i ended up travelling into his office as where i was staying where was very noisy. They then had to arrange lifts for me in and out. I went for walks which is new to me. I was angry with my social worker i thought she could have been more support she never came out on Tuesday she was supposed to i felt really let down and then i had therapy on Wednesday and never saw her then either. She came out yesterday and we talked about it, i told her i really needed her this week i felt so alone. I know she thought i would be ok there with the staff they are all mental health nurse's, some of them are really nice, but i didn't talk to them much. At night they would sit with me in the living room and watch tv with me when the others went to bed. My cousin's husband works there. She made up for it today she took me to therapy and brought me back and spent an hour with me after i was so upset i thought i would never calm down, but her being there helped. I feel alone again now though i am afraid at home because i still want to run at times but they said i need to give it time, that it will be a long process.
I hope all is well with you. How have you been?
I hope all is well with you. How have you been?
Not too bad. I've been for a couple of short runs. The first in ages.
I'm not sure what to say about the therapy. It sounds like it's been a rather traumatic week. Parts of it sound good while other parts seem stressful.
You do need to give it time and remember to be patient. I often want stuff to happen yesterday but just be patient and let it happen naturally.
I'm off to town shortly.
I'm not sure what to say about the therapy. It sounds like it's been a rather traumatic week. Parts of it sound good while other parts seem stressful.
You do need to give it time and remember to be patient. I often want stuff to happen yesterday but just be patient and let it happen naturally.
I'm off to town shortly.
Its good you are running again. How did it go with your GP?
It was a very stressful experience, but i did learn some things, i have a list of stuff to say in place of what i think at the minute, like when i panic i am to look around me and think about where i am and that i am safe really i am not in danger, and when i have other memories he has given me other things to replace them thoughts with too. I still don't feel comfortable talking to him about it and i don't say certain words but i have to rewrite it all again and read it out again to him, this will be the third time. I am going to the respite place before therapy on Wednesday to write it again they feel i need to be there to write it because i feel really unwell and stressed when i write it, it took me two hours this morning to write it and i was so hyper and agitated and anxious, then when i came out of therapy i was so anxious i could hardly move, my whole body felt slowed down and i am still not myself, i have less concentration than before and i feel anxious all the time. The nights there were the worst, staff were available but i stayed in bed they came to check on me a few times throughout the night but i was mostly awake when they came into the room.
I wasn't sure if i wanted to come home or not i was so used to being alone and having no responsibilty but i missed my children, and i had to come home some time though, if i want to go back anytime my social worker can sort it out. One really good thing i went for a walk near the river, the sun was shining it was beautiful i sat on some steps and watched the river on my own, i have never done that before i always had to have someone with me, but i needed to release my energy in some way so i walked it wasn't far but the area was very quiet no one around it was lovely. My partner wasn't impressed though that i was out alone but i'm an adult and they had no reason to doubt me or stop me.
I hope you have a good day in town.
It was a very stressful experience, but i did learn some things, i have a list of stuff to say in place of what i think at the minute, like when i panic i am to look around me and think about where i am and that i am safe really i am not in danger, and when i have other memories he has given me other things to replace them thoughts with too. I still don't feel comfortable talking to him about it and i don't say certain words but i have to rewrite it all again and read it out again to him, this will be the third time. I am going to the respite place before therapy on Wednesday to write it again they feel i need to be there to write it because i feel really unwell and stressed when i write it, it took me two hours this morning to write it and i was so hyper and agitated and anxious, then when i came out of therapy i was so anxious i could hardly move, my whole body felt slowed down and i am still not myself, i have less concentration than before and i feel anxious all the time. The nights there were the worst, staff were available but i stayed in bed they came to check on me a few times throughout the night but i was mostly awake when they came into the room.
I wasn't sure if i wanted to come home or not i was so used to being alone and having no responsibilty but i missed my children, and i had to come home some time though, if i want to go back anytime my social worker can sort it out. One really good thing i went for a walk near the river, the sun was shining it was beautiful i sat on some steps and watched the river on my own, i have never done that before i always had to have someone with me, but i needed to release my energy in some way so i walked it wasn't far but the area was very quiet no one around it was lovely. My partner wasn't impressed though that i was out alone but i'm an adult and they had no reason to doubt me or stop me.
I hope you have a good day in town.
That's a positive change. Allowing yourself to do something positive for yourself and having others take some pressure off you by taking some responsibility.
Rivers can be beautiful. Sometimes people suggest you put your worries on the water or the waves and allow them to be washed away.
I too like the peace and the tranquility (as long as it feels safe).
Your partner needs to stop babying you. It's not helpful. Maybe he is afraid that you will get better, get stronger and maybe he is afraid that you will leave him.
I think he is both fearful for you and fearful for himself.
I'm tired today. I didn't sleep well last night. I had bad reflux and it was agonizing.
I've only been for two runs. I need to start exercising regularly though. One expert says that you should do it as routinely as you sleep.
I actually saw my GP in town again yesterday. We spoke a bit more. Just superficial. I had made a decision to not go back and see him next week. That was my way of regaining some control over the current situation. I got a letter from the hospital yesterday saying that they can now do tests on my finger. It might be sorted now, I'm not sure.
Anyway, I'm just really tired. I hope you have a good day.
Rivers can be beautiful. Sometimes people suggest you put your worries on the water or the waves and allow them to be washed away.
I too like the peace and the tranquility (as long as it feels safe).
Your partner needs to stop babying you. It's not helpful. Maybe he is afraid that you will get better, get stronger and maybe he is afraid that you will leave him.
I think he is both fearful for you and fearful for himself.
I'm tired today. I didn't sleep well last night. I had bad reflux and it was agonizing.
I've only been for two runs. I need to start exercising regularly though. One expert says that you should do it as routinely as you sleep.
I actually saw my GP in town again yesterday. We spoke a bit more. Just superficial. I had made a decision to not go back and see him next week. That was my way of regaining some control over the current situation. I got a letter from the hospital yesterday saying that they can now do tests on my finger. It might be sorted now, I'm not sure.
Anyway, I'm just really tired. I hope you have a good day.
I agree he does baby me too much. My mood has really hit the bottom again i thought i was going to be ok but i felt it dropping last night and today is even worse it doesn't matter what i do i don't feel any better. I went to my uncles 60th birthday last night and i still felt depressed i just wanted to cry, i feel like all these people are related to me but if i weren't here it wouldn't matter, no body really cares. I have a lot of aunts and uncles, my father and mother never went probably because i was there. It feels awful to feel that no one really cares about me.
I even felt like that yesterday when i was helping prepare food for it i was so tired and just wanted to disappear.
I feel like i can trust no one i feel really suspucious of everyone even my relatives i wonder what they know about me and anything that ever happened, do they know?
Did you manage to get any sleep?
Yeah regular exercise is better that just now and again, i used to exercise regularly and it really worked.
I can not believe how depressed i feel today i am considering calling the out of hours number but i couldn't even be bothered talking to them.
I hope you get your finger sorted.
I am considering pulling out of the therapy i am so confused about it all and i want to scream.
I hope you got some sleep. Take care.
I even felt like that yesterday when i was helping prepare food for it i was so tired and just wanted to disappear.
I feel like i can trust no one i feel really suspucious of everyone even my relatives i wonder what they know about me and anything that ever happened, do they know?
Did you manage to get any sleep?
Yeah regular exercise is better that just now and again, i used to exercise regularly and it really worked.
I can not believe how depressed i feel today i am considering calling the out of hours number but i couldn't even be bothered talking to them.
I hope you get your finger sorted.
I am considering pulling out of the therapy i am so confused about it all and i want to scream.
I hope you got some sleep. Take care.
Call the number and stay in therapy. Work through what is hurting you, annoying you, etc.
Sorry this is so short. Still feel quite tired and not that well. I'm just run down I guess.
Sorry this is so short. Still feel quite tired and not that well. I'm just run down I guess.
Just rest as much as you can and take it easy, i hope you feel better soon. Take care
I hope I feel better soon too.
I can probably stretch to a few lines but do feel pretty rubbishy. I see my GP tomorrow. Likely he will just say that there is nothing wrong. As is the way.
Take care and will chat soon. Good luck for everything this week.
I can probably stretch to a few lines but do feel pretty rubbishy. I see my GP tomorrow. Likely he will just say that there is nothing wrong. As is the way.
Take care and will chat soon. Good luck for everything this week.
Hope it goes well with your GP. Its frustrating feeling ill i hope your GP can help. I have therapy on Wednesday and i go to respite first to write some stuff for my therapist its very hard emotionally to write so my social worker says i should go there to do it then she will take me to therapy.
I am going to try and stick it out, i was talking to a friend today and he said i really frustrate him at times so if i do the same to you at anytime then i apologise.
My head is so messed up and he said he keeps trying to help and i don't listen but he said he didn't want to tell me this before, but he said that could be what is wrong with my therapist. My moods change so quickly i go from ok to really suicidal and then back to ok and this all happens quite quickly. I wish my therapist could tell me why i feel like this. I know they are treating me for trauma but i was feeling suicidal even before what happened last year. I really wish they could tell me why i feel the way i do instead of giving me a list of things. Maybe the depression made me suicidal i don't know i drive myself mad trying to work out why i feel the way i do.
Anyway sorry for going on i know you are ill. I hope you feel better soon. Take care
I am going to try and stick it out, i was talking to a friend today and he said i really frustrate him at times so if i do the same to you at anytime then i apologise.
My head is so messed up and he said he keeps trying to help and i don't listen but he said he didn't want to tell me this before, but he said that could be what is wrong with my therapist. My moods change so quickly i go from ok to really suicidal and then back to ok and this all happens quite quickly. I wish my therapist could tell me why i feel like this. I know they are treating me for trauma but i was feeling suicidal even before what happened last year. I really wish they could tell me why i feel the way i do instead of giving me a list of things. Maybe the depression made me suicidal i don't know i drive myself mad trying to work out why i feel the way i do.
Anyway sorry for going on i know you are ill. I hope you feel better soon. Take care
I'm sure we all frustrate each other at times. There must be times when you have felt frustrated by your friend.
You don't listen because the material feels like an assault. Try reading Dr Gould's blogs under expert activity. The same applies to other areas of our lives.
The mood changes are probably due to black and white thinking. One moment things will be black the next white. Same with all-or-nothing, good and bad.
I still feel pretty bad but I got some meds so hopefully they will help (the reflux anyway).
You don't listen because the material feels like an assault. Try reading Dr Gould's blogs under expert activity. The same applies to other areas of our lives.
The mood changes are probably due to black and white thinking. One moment things will be black the next white. Same with all-or-nothing, good and bad.
I still feel pretty bad but I got some meds so hopefully they will help (the reflux anyway).
I hope you are feeling better and that your medication has worked.
Exactly, sometimes i feel like they are attacking me i am way to sensitive and i take alot of stuff the wrong way, i really need to work on that. I went for two walks today, one alone and one with my partner, I was so angry at him this morning i had to get out, my social worker called and he told her i was fine, he said i had a good weekend i asked him what planet was he on. He thinks because i done stuff that i am ok, i was trying to distract myself so much which is why i done stuff, but anyway i felt he had no right to speak for me. I was talking to her later and i said i was ok, i didn't tell her the truth. I am ok this evening though the second walk has left me exhausted because i panic when i walk to far so it takes alot out of me.
How are you, apart from the reflux?
I have therapy tomorrow morning i have to go first to that place i stayed and rewrite what happened, then my social worker will collect me from there, i am anxious already.
I hope all is well with you and i will read some of Dr Gould,s blogs, thanks.
Exactly, sometimes i feel like they are attacking me i am way to sensitive and i take alot of stuff the wrong way, i really need to work on that. I went for two walks today, one alone and one with my partner, I was so angry at him this morning i had to get out, my social worker called and he told her i was fine, he said i had a good weekend i asked him what planet was he on. He thinks because i done stuff that i am ok, i was trying to distract myself so much which is why i done stuff, but anyway i felt he had no right to speak for me. I was talking to her later and i said i was ok, i didn't tell her the truth. I am ok this evening though the second walk has left me exhausted because i panic when i walk to far so it takes alot out of me.
How are you, apart from the reflux?
I have therapy tomorrow morning i have to go first to that place i stayed and rewrite what happened, then my social worker will collect me from there, i am anxious already.
I hope all is well with you and i will read some of Dr Gould,s blogs, thanks.
Tired. Hopefully reflux is all it is and it isn't an ulcer.
Good luck with your writing and your therapy.
Good luck with your writing and your therapy.
Have you made another appointment to see your GP about it? Is the medication working? I hope you feel better soon. Take care
I have one for next week. The med has helped heaps. Still sore and tired though.
The moral of the story is I guess not to emotionally eat.
It must be Tuesday night there so you must be stressing heaps if you're not sleeping (unless all these hours are coming through strange like they sometimes do).
I hope the writing and the therapy go well.
The moral of the story is I guess not to emotionally eat.
It must be Tuesday night there so you must be stressing heaps if you're not sleeping (unless all these hours are coming through strange like they sometimes do).
I hope the writing and the therapy go well.
Yeah i was up until 3am i was so anxious. Therapy went ok i was alot more open and told him things i never have about certain thoughts i have. I also told him i keep a diary when i am feeling suicidal he asked could he see it, i don't know its very personal and it says some stuff about him. I got my certificate tonight for the course i was doing and i passed it, i felt sad saying goodbye to everyone. I am very anxious and panicky today which disappoints me, when my mood lifts then i panic more, one is as bad as the other. I walked today again and it was warm which wasn't good but i enjoyed it anyway.
I am glad the medication is working and i hope you feel alot better soon. Have a good day. Take care
I am glad the medication is working and i hope you feel alot better soon. Have a good day. Take care
You too. I'm glad therapy went OK.
I am so going mad, my mood had dropped again, now i am struggling i feel i need to get away, i thought ok i had a few good days i am improving moving forward but no, obviously not. I am thinking of getting in the car and going but i don't know, i need to be sure because if it doesn't go right i have to come back to this.
Things do improve then you can feel like you have gone backwards and then you move forward again. Sometimes progress is slow, sometimes it is faster.
It's just like weight lose sometimes. You lose weight, you plateau, you can even put on weight. It's all part of the process.
It's just like weight lose sometimes. You lose weight, you plateau, you can even put on weight. It's all part of the process.
I am back in that place i stayed only i am in as an alternative to hospital, i wanted to kill myself yesterday and my partner found me he was supposed to call the police but he didn't, i rang my therapist and social worker and they were busy so i just left, my therapist rang looking for me and told my partner to ring the police. Anyway long story short, my partner tried to kill me he drove into me and put me of the road then he threatened to kill me and then he drove really fast saying he was going to kill both of us.
My therapist was going to admit me to hospital against my will, but then he said i could go to the other place, if they hadn't had a bed i would have had to go to hospital, not good but the staff have been very nice and i have come home for while to shower and get clothes and see my children. My partner is so angry at me.
How are you? I have to stay there until Monday then my therapist will decide what to do next. I hope all is well with you. Take care
My therapist was going to admit me to hospital against my will, but then he said i could go to the other place, if they hadn't had a bed i would have had to go to hospital, not good but the staff have been very nice and i have come home for while to shower and get clothes and see my children. My partner is so angry at me.
How are you? I have to stay there until Monday then my therapist will decide what to do next. I hope all is well with you. Take care
I'm fine. Your partner could get into big trouble for doing that even if it was only intended to shock you. It was a very dumb thing for him to do and say.
I think you should be in hospital. I think that your partner should be in therapy and anger management, if not jail. I think your children should probably be in care (maybe even with your parents on a short-term basis).
I don't think what any or you is currently doing is working.
Not that my life's working for me either.
I hope respite goes well. I hope they do hospitalize you (I think -not sure). I wish life were easy to reform.
Take care and best wishes.
I think you should be in hospital. I think that your partner should be in therapy and anger management, if not jail. I think your children should probably be in care (maybe even with your parents on a short-term basis).
I don't think what any or you is currently doing is working.
Not that my life's working for me either.
I hope respite goes well. I hope they do hospitalize you (I think -not sure). I wish life were easy to reform.
Take care and best wishes.
You are probably right but i am home now and is till don't feel good, my social worker was going to admit me to hospital today but i panicked and told her i would be ok, i wouldn't commit to her safety plan so she was going to admit me but i got scared.
My partner is still angry and my therapist basically agreed with him saying he had every right to be angry, maybe so but not to that extreme.
I hope all is well with you. I have therapy again on Wednesday and i feel bad for stressing my therapist again but i am glad he was there otherwise i don't know what would have happened, my partner did not help at all.
I wish someone could help more instead of leaving it to me all the time, i know its mostly up to me but can't they see i can't cope anymore. I actually liked being away from home.
How are things with you?
Take care
My partner is still angry and my therapist basically agreed with him saying he had every right to be angry, maybe so but not to that extreme.
I hope all is well with you. I have therapy again on Wednesday and i feel bad for stressing my therapist again but i am glad he was there otherwise i don't know what would have happened, my partner did not help at all.
I wish someone could help more instead of leaving it to me all the time, i know its mostly up to me but can't they see i can't cope anymore. I actually liked being away from home.
How are things with you?
Take care
I'm OK.
Ask for respite or to be hospitalized then. If you can't cope then go there and get the support. Don't keep doing this to yourself. It's torture and it's not worth it. I've been there. It is best just to accept you need help and allow it to happen. Stop fighting everybody all the time. Work with them. You don't have to be afraid of them. It doesn't sound like they're going to do anything drastic to you.
Ask for respite or to be hospitalized then. If you can't cope then go there and get the support. Don't keep doing this to yourself. It's torture and it's not worth it. I've been there. It is best just to accept you need help and allow it to happen. Stop fighting everybody all the time. Work with them. You don't have to be afraid of them. It doesn't sound like they're going to do anything drastic to you.
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