My child was touched inappropriately. What do I do now?

[mommy2many]

We took in an 11 year old old boy and my son 10.  The 11 year old grabbed my son's groin.  My son responded by telling him to stop it.  I heard it and ask what was going on.  My son said they were just walking and the other boy grabbed him.  When ask if it happened before, he said maybe but he wasnt sure.  He said this time it really hurt and he was ceetain he grabbed him.  The boy left soon after and we have no contact.  My son doesnt want to talk about it but as a parent I am concerned that this may affect him.  What do I do and say?

[mommy2many]

There was abuse in his family and he was seeing a counselor.  I reported it tothe counselor, parent, and CPS worker then had him removed from our home.  We do foster care and share with our children some background info and that they should tell us if the think anything seems unusual or uncomfortable, etc.....including inappropriate touching.  I guess I was surprised to find out that had I not heard them and ask, my son says he wouldnt have said anything.  Im glad he told him to stop and walked away and feels confident to handle it.  However, I want him to understand that their are certain times an adult needs to be told.....inappropriate touching is one of those.  I also feel tremendously guilty about bringing that child in my home.  MMaybe I was being naive but my experience has been most sex abuse victims dont perp on others.

[DeeTx]

As a school counselor, I agree with the advice given above, but I am really concerned about this other boy's behavior. If you know his parents, do you feel like you could broach this with them? He has likely been abused and is therefore likely to act out again. If not to your son, someone else's. if you don't feel comfortable telling his parent, please call Child Protective Services. There are programs probably in your community that teach assertiveness skills. Contact your child's school counselor and they can give you resources in your area. I am so glad that you took this seriously and addressed it lovingly with your child!

[mommy2many]

I have ask about anything else and he has stated no.  He has been honest about everything so far that I can verify even telling me that he wouldnt have told me if i wouldnt have ask.  He feels like he handled it and didnt need me.  Is there a way to make childen feel empowered while making them understand that something like inappropriate touching needs to be reported?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If this is all that occurred it's not going to have any impact. There's no  need to exert any pressure. In fact, it is counterproductive to exert pressure. If there is anyone whom he trusts that might be able to chat with him about it (mostly to learn if anything else occurred), seek such help. Otherwise I'd let it go after gently offering a chance to speak about it.

[jankitch55]

support him to talk about it at his own pace. be sure he knows that he has done nothing wrong. encourage him by letting him know he did the right thing telling you what had happened and that he knows it is never ok for somebody else to touch him or do things to him without his express permission or that he does or want them to do. the adage used so much in the 80's still true today just say NO and then tell someone. Don't make a big deal about it though, he obviously doesn't want that at the moment. be sensitive to him and take his lead about discussing it.