False memory

[Jjet]

Hi guys thank you for all you do. I am struggling with hiv fear and remembering if I used a condom or not. I have a history of  not being able to remember events or checking things. for example. if I come to close to a car while driving I would sometimes go back to check if I hit it even though I know I did not. This has also happened to me in my sex life. I am certain I used the condom every girl that I have been with at this massage parlor always uses one, but for some reason I am keep wondering if I did use one. I have had some symptoms so that has heightened my fear. Does anyone else struggle with false memory?

[specialmom]

So, this group is specifically for obsessive compulsive disorder and not for a continuation of any risk discussion. Will look at this from a mental health aspect. And this does appear to need to be addressed. Remember, what OCD is. You have an intrusive thought (obsession) followed by a compulsion (for thought this is often seeking reassurance, mulling over and over in your mind, researching, etc.). Is that you? This also can be anxiety alone. Either way, the thing is that to overcome ocd, the gold standard of care is ERP or exposure response therapy. This is rough because it means leaning into your fear. The first thing to do is acknowledge that the fear is mental health related. You are doing this. Good job. You may call it a false memory but it's actually just intrusive thoughts ruminating. Thoughts aren't facts. They are just thoughts. And a sign of brain activity rather than reality. The second step in ERP is to NOT do your compulsion. Ask for reassurance. Research. Overthink the whole thing. But instead . . . sit with all the discomfort of it. Yes, it feels bad. But it is how you get over it. Ya, you fear you got hiv. Sit with that fear. Feel it and don't try to solve it. Do it for as long as you can and then go do something else . . .   whatever is your go to such as exercise, watching a movie, hanging out with someone, etc. But KNOW that every time you seek reassurance or try to solve the intrusive thought? You solidify it further and it is harder to get rid of. Seek some therapy by a trained psychologist. And consider medication as it works well for ocd.

[Jjet]

Thank you for response. Yes that is me and I've been dealing with different type of intrusive thoughts for years. It looks like I got to do the things to get it under control and move on from fear of hiv. Thanks again for your help.

[specialmom]

Ya, this is doable OCD feels horrible but if you get into regular routine of the right way to handle it, it can greatly diminish. Let me know how it goes or if you need any links to some ERP ideas.