very confused

[kimikaze]

Ive been abused all my life... and im loosing grip as to whats right and wrong any more.. i mean i know whats right but fail to act appon it, i get angry with the people who have done this to me and at the same time feel understanding as to why there like it also..and feel compeled to stay in touch with them because of this.. yet there not dealing with what theve done and they think there right which makes me question am i exspecting to much from them.. as time is a healer and i believe in time everyone gets a turn to turn on themselves to see who they are. So i feel like im playing the hoping waiting game,  ive lost alot of people i love and care about in my life, and have taken responsability for my part in the situation with them... i just don't know what to do about this. can anyone help im very confused..

[jo929]

Most people do feel anger that have been abused in any way, it is normal, and as far as being confused as to what is right , and wrong that will be your decision whether you want to forget, or whether you want it to stay with you, anger all the time may not be so good, have you been to group therapy, they can help you so much, and i do think you would benefit from it, I do hope that you can let go and move for a new life, but to do this you will have to let go of the anger, and just accept that it happened, and plese be strong and do not let it break you, and that again will be up to you, so be strong, and think of your future, and may it be a good one, so sorry for all that you have been through, and i do hope that you can move on   best wishes  jo

[MrsOckert]

It is very natural to feel love for one's abuser.  I assume you are talking about your parents?  When the very people/person we are meant to look to for all of our sustenance and love are the very ones abusing us it creates a split in our development.

To feel so angry to be treated in such a way and to also feel love for parents at the same time is normal.  Maybe not healthy, but certainly very normal.  

When a dog is abused by a human it keeps running up to him/her with its tail wagging and tongue hanging out hoping for love and affection.  Eventually some dogs will turn mean, but many keep hoping for some sign of affection.

Its the same as children.  We keep running to our parents hoping for love and affection and when we don't get it our view of ourselves and our world is distorted.  When we grow up as adults we still have that same child within us looking for the very love we were denied.

So if I understand your question/comment correctly I believe you are asking if it is normal to still love and grieve the loss of the abuser and the answer is yes.  While there are many that are able to turn their backs and completely detach themselves from their abusers I don't think that is the case in the majority.

You can get to a place where you have peace.  It's a long hard road filled with a lot of work, but it can be done.  You don't have to hurt forever.  We human beings are very strong resilient creatures.

[sunshine669]

I hope i didnt afend you.My words were ment well

[margypops]

I am so sorry you are having a rough time, can you tell us what form the abuse has taken, and the relationship you have had with them,it may help us give you some input, we all have some tough times and I have always thought the best way is to try to fill ones life with other things , being involved with Projects and new work and people can help you move on, also our thoughts are a problem we Humans are apt to dwell on past Negativity ,its not easy to do. but it is possible to train your mind to switch off from these thoughts and not let them take hold,Let us know if we can help you, give us more input to go on.

[kimikaze]

thanks for your help but i didnt detect any resentment in my statement just thrustration more than anything..not quiet sure how im mean't to be feeling about what ive been through...But im getting there.. becaue one thing i do know is resentment leads to hate and hate leads to revenge this is not in my carrictor to be this way... but i will certainly give what you have said much thought :)

[kimikaze]

Sorry i didnt give enough information i was feeling confused as my emotions were all over the place yeaturday..and the day before so i was'nt exactly making it easy for everyone....

My only point is im grieving for the ones i love and care for that have gone from my life even though they have abused me.. doesn't change the reasons why they were in my life in the first place all i need to know am i right feeling this way about it or should i just be plain angry @ them... ??  

[sunshine669]

Hello.I read your post,and hear so much pain,and resentment.Sorry you are having those feelings,and worries.I really want you to know,that as long as you keep your head up,and keep yourself going,nobody can ever hurt you again!!!!!!Our creater made us women very stronge creatures...Dont you ever forget this!!!!! I know in my heart,you CAN,and WILL come through this a more beautiful,and stronger person!YOU R SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jo929]

You are not really saying what kind of abuse, how long, not enough info for one to give an  answer. also so I feel that you are frustrated  jo