bleeding after sexual abuse

[anonymous_girl]

I hate asking this, but I'm getting really scared.  I'm 20 years old, and two days ago I was sexually abused by my ex boyfriend.  I am a virgin, and I didn't get fully raped, but he put a gun to my head and made me do a lot of horrible things.  I don't really want to go into details unless it's necessary, and I refuse to tell anyone.  I feel like it's my own fault for still trying to be friends with him.  I knew he had anger problems.  But that's not why I'm posting this.  

I'm scared because I've been bleeding just a little for the past two days since it happened.  My stomach hurts, but I'm still 2 weeks away from my period.  So it can't be that.  I am taking birth control pills, but just for cramps and acne.  So I don't always remember to take it, but I usually do.  Is there any chance that I might be pregnant or have some kind of STD?  If so, I'll probably still not tell anyone.  I'll just whither away and die in my room.  You have no idea what this has done to me.  I'm a virgin and a Christian, and I never wanted this to happen.  I'm so scared.  

Is it normal to bleed after getting sexually assaulted?  Will I be fine in a few days, or do I have some sort of fatal internal bleeding??  I might eventually get over the emotional pain, but I don't want any physical problems to go along with it.  I'm a good person, and I don't want anything worse to come from this.  I just want to go on with my life and pretend it didn't happen.  

[ladymia]

The bleeding is normal after the loss of your virginity.
It will go away.
You need to make an apointment with your doctor for an annual full exam.
Ask for STD testing and a pregnancy test. You do not have to say you were assulted. You can just say you had one sexual unprotected (if he wore no condom) partner one time.

[vmvnpv]

Honey, please report him!  What he did to you was horrible and he should pay for it.  No woman should have to live through that terror.  It was NOT your fault.  If he's done it to you how many other women has he done it to and will do it to if you don't stop him?  He needs help and you not reporting him is only going to make it worse.  Please do it to save yourself.  Who knows what he's capable of and what he'll do to you next time.  I'm praying for you.  ((((hugs))))

[rrfriedman]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, it was in no way your fault! If you're in the US, there is a sexual assault hotline you can call at 1-800-656-HOPE and an online hotline at http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/
The people who work there are amazing, some of them are sexual assault survivors themselves, and they will talk to you about anything, any time, for as long as you want and answer any questions you have. Even if you don't feel like you can tell anyone else, it's really important for you to have someone trustworthy to talk to right now, so I would highly recommend calling. Best of luck, you'll be in my prayers!

[SweetiePie411]

Bleeding is common, especially if you were a virgin. He probably broke your hymen and that's what's causing you to bleed. If it doesn't go away in a little while (maybe like a week), you should go see a doctor. I hope you feel better!

[alliesong]

Hey,

My family found out right away because i was in the hospital...but the truth is i would have waited to tell them till i was ready. The first person i actually told myself, besides my friend who picked me up that night...was another close friend..and that was weeks later. Take your time...but telling your friend id the best way to go even though at first you feel kind of bad that you told...but it passes.

[Daslicht]

Bleeding for a few days is normal, especially if you're a virgin. I do suggest medical examination. If you don't want to tell anybody that's fine, I don't agree, but I won't tell you to do what i haven't had the courage to do myself. I assume you're old enough to deal with the consequences of keeping it to yourself. Go for a regular gynecological check up,  and don't mention rape, if you don't want to. Just say you have become sexually active. By the way, gun point to your head changes everything. The police should be informed if it happens again, or you may not live to come back to this forum and see what it is you should've done.

[anonymous_girl]

That's a really terrifying story.  You were so young and I'm sorry you had to go through that.  It's completely unfair that things like this happen.  You have a lot of courage and I'm glad you got justice for what happened to you.  I really respect you for that.  I think I'm still in shock, but I'm doing my best to move forward with life.  Maybe I should tell my best friend, but I'm not sure if I can do it yet.  But I'm finally realizing that this wasn't my fault.  And that means a lot...

I appreciate everyone's advice and kind words.  It makes me feel like I can actually go on with my life from here, no matter how helpless I feel.  I want to feel like I'm worth something again, and I think I'll get there eventually.  

thank you all so much...

[alliesong]

Hey,

So i figured i should share my story with you considering we're close in age and i am also a christian, i thought it might help. About a year ago i was raped by a guy i went on a date with, i was being naive and ignorant to have gone to his house(to watch the hockey game...very normal for Canadians)  with him but i never really thought rape was something that could happen to people where i lived. It sounds really stupid now, but i live in a small town and i guess i always thought that you only ever see that stuff on t.v. or maybe in a big city. Anyways, after he finished, he got off me and i picked up my close, got dressed really fast and ran...he chased me for a bit and then got it in his car and drove around looking for me. I was hiding under a mini van a few blocks away. In fear that he was going to kill me, i called my friend and she came and picked me up; she didnt ask me what was wrong, but she drove me to the police station, because i think she knew on some level. This police experience was very hard, and don't let anyone tell you it will be easy...but even though the cops spoke no english(im from Quebec) and i couldn't fully explain what happened in french, they tried their best to be kind and gentle and understanding. Trust me i was feeling all sorts of shame and fear, but i had my friend there with me(something i would suggest) and everybody was on my side even though i really thought it was my stupidity that had got me there. They took me to the hospital and checked me out, which is embarrassing and uncomfortable, especially when you 17, but my friend held my hand the whole time and we made jokes about the hospital to try and lighten a hopelessly dark situation. I honestly would not have gone to the police or to the hospital without that friends support and encouragement, so i can only tell you have important having somebody that knows and that will encourage and support you through the police and the doctors. Listen, the best way to get past all of this is to triumph over it, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH girl, because you are worth it and i was too. It seems like the scariest, most uncomfortable thing you've ever done, and maybe it is...but when its over you will have won against him and against the feelings inside you that say you don't deserve to be taken care of or fought for. My friend went with me to my trial and she held my hand all the way through it. Standing up there having people questioning whether or not the rape even happened and asking you to go in to detail about things that are painful to you but trivial to them is brutal. The rewarding part is knowing that you are the strong one and seeing him stand there in front of the judge looking weak and sorry for himself. The tables have turned at that point, and for me that was a huge part of my recovery. You CAN tell someone, people will almost always be on your side, especially the ones that love you. I got in to counseling after it happened and let me tell you i switched councilors a few times, looking for one i could connect with...but when i found her i talked and cried my way through recovery and now its only one year later and i feel like im on top of my life again, like i have control...i am happy and healthy and you will be too.

Tell a friend, tell someone and go forth and fight.

[faithfulchild]

I might have some idea of what you are going through being a Christian.You see, i don't have a lot of memories of my childhood but i do remember an incident of rape that took everything away from me. I was 16 when it happened. I don't know if i was a virgin or not ( as i said i cant remember most of my childhood) but that was significant because my mother had sent me to live with a lady and i was not sexually abused for a period of 4 years.For those four years i reclaimed myself and decided to start over. I told myself that i will not have sex until i am married  ( i became a Christian).Except for a relationship with God, I had nothing and no one basically, so all i had as some form of pride in myself was that i could  keep myself pure. The rape occurred when i went back home to spend the summer with my mom.  When that ( my purity) was taken away from me, i felt like i lost everything. I couldnt pray, i couldnt sleep, i just couldnt feel clean no matter what i do. No matter how many times i showered i just couldnt get myself feeling clean. That lead me into depression and withdrawal which further overwhelmed me with thoughts of suicide. I had no one to talk to about these things and i was too afraid and ashamed to go to anyone. I honestly believe that it was my fault and that every other bad thing that ever  happened to me was God's way of letting me know that this was all i am in this world for...to be abused and misused and you name it.

I know your relationship with God might be affected. You might see the whole thing everytime you kneel and try to pray. You might feel that God wont accept you anymore because you have in some way betrayed your commitment and you are no longer pure. You may feel unworthy, guilty and shameful for what happened to you or that you have broken some divine law because of what happened. That is not true. God understands more than you know.

You are still pure in his eyes and still precious. NONE of this is your fault. Dont pine away in the dark because it will  only make you feel lonelier. You are going through a period of grief now for a lot of things that meant so much to you. I just want you to know that this isn't the end of the road and if you hang in there and reach out to others, then there are many days of happiness ahead.

All the best

[faithfulchild]

I am sorry that this has happened to you. What that man did to you was sick. I just want you to know that we are all here for you. Many if not all of us can relate to what you have described and experienced. Trying to get help here is a very big step. You are very brave. It took me years before i could tell anyone what happened  to me. I am very proud of you.

The shock that you are experiencing as a result of your experience is quite normal too. The confused feelings of betrayal and self blame are also heavy burdens to carry.I am sorry that you had to go through that. I am worried that you are bleeding. I know you are reluctant to share what happened to you but It is my opinion that you should see a doctor for your bleeding. Please don't believe for a second that any of this is your fault and therefore others will think the same way. NO! it is not your fault...you did not put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of..that was a choice made by your abuser...his choice not yours.

The next couple of days will be difficult. Especially if you have to be around him. He will downplay the incident and probably try to make it all a joke. Do not encourage him and let him know that you don't want him in your life anymore. If you give him an inch now he will take a mile.

I know you don't want to disclose the details of your assault here but that's fine.we are ready to listen when you are ready to talk.


I know the experience brings a lot of shame, guilt and self blame. However, none of those feelings are yours  to carry. What he did to you was very wrong and no you did not ask for it. I know you are scared and it seems as if keeping this ordeal you have gone through, keeping it to yourself is the best way to go....it is not the best way to go. You have already started a cycle by keeping quiet about it and inducing your own self suffering. Do not go down that path. Many of us have done that and it reeked havoc for us. I have been abused for almost all my life and i carried this secret pain for so long that it almost consumed me. A doctor or a therapist is bound to confidentiality and therefore you do not have to worry about the details of your situation getting out.You need to talk to somebody. What you are experiencing now is just a shadow of what is to come.

i wish you all the best

[anonymous_girl]

Hey, thank you so much for the encouragement.  I'm already blaming myself less than before.  It really lifted a burden off me.  Unfortunately, I don't want to tell anyone what happened, not even a doctor.  Unless the bleeding gets worse or doesn't go away, I can't tell anyone.  It was a terrible experience, but I'd be even more humiliated if anyone found out.  I hate myself so much, and I can't believe this happened.  My whole life is gone...everything I worked for.  I'm so scared...I can't stop crying.  Thank you....it means so much that you listened and gave me advice.  I feel so alone right now, thank you for your help.  

[newty97]

Hi There,

I firstly would like to say I am so so proud of you for having the courage and strength to come and talk about something so horrific that has happened to you.  It was NOT your fault that this happened + you have to readily acknowledge that wether you were partially violated or fully violated this sounds at the very least, attempted rape. Remember dependimg on the degree of the violation you MAY have been exposed to STDs. It sounds highly unlikely that you should be pregnant. It is also IMPERATIVE to remember that not excluding STDs is very unwise as these diseases can cause long lasting gynaelogical effects which may infringe on your future desire to become pregnant.
With regards to the bleeding, it is absolutely ESSENTIAL that you are medically checked over to exclude anything untowards, this should be done immediately.
Remember you are still a totally good person who did not ask for this awful assault, it is also worth noting that emotional pain is without doubt more difficult to heal than physical pain. Whilst understanding your christian values it is important to: get medically checked over....seek psychological help.....and report this immediately to the police, in order to prevent another innocent from the same ordeal. In the UK the police force are excellently equipped to deal with this type of occurrence, I'm sure the US is too (if u r from there), Stay safe and if you can find the inner strength, assist society in taking this sick individual off the streets.
Best Wishes
Claire xxx