Abuse and a lot of other problems

[otto12]

I didn't know where to post this. I'm 51 year old female who's been married for 28 years to an abusive husband. He's physically, emotionally, verbally abusive. I m disabled. Panic disorder, agoraphobia (most of the time) and depression. I cry almost all the time. I also have many physical problems. Some have not been diagnosed still looking for answers. I have hypothyroidism and cAnt get my dose right, seems to change a lot. I'm anemic  been taking iron, b12 and folic acid for a few years. I smoke, and I can't seem to quit.  I get throbbing pain in my calves when walking. Many more health problems. I don't have anyone to talk to or help me. My mom has dementia and my siblings are not close and don't want to hear my problems. I've been to many physiologists and not getting better. I take meds for the anxiety and depression but they don't work anymore. I'm allergic to many others I've tried or I get pretty bad side effects from them. I feel stuck. Lonely, depressed, anxious. I don't know where to turn. I don't want to end up in a mental institution. I'm surprised I haven't been there yet. Don't know what to do. I think I've run out of places to turn

[Nighthawk61]

That a great idea, to record, voice, or even images that i believe can be used in court to get alimony payments. If either of you have been dependent on your men for looking after all the finances, and they have money, then they owe you alimony should they make it impossible for you to live with them. That's the law. I know how intimidating that it can be, to have to go that route to get out, but you deserve to be looked after, after taking so many years of abuse, that has also constricted you from developing your own strengths financially to the degree that you otherwise would have. Lawyers, and Judges know this to be true. Maybe having the recordings to take to a lawyer as well as a doctor, would be the best thing to do?

I'm sorry to hear of your strife needlifeline. Maybe you would like to post your story as well, here .? It helps to tell our stories. I too had a 7 year marriage to a very abusive man. Had i not got out, i would not have met my wonderful husband, who would not ever think of harming his wife or hurting his child., or his step son. (my son). There is a better place to be, certainly, for you both.

[needlifeline_2851962198]

I too am in a dysfunctional marriage. I have graves as well and plz don't stress. It is the menopausal  changes causing the imbalance in meds.I have had mine changed 4 times in two years. I have had graves for 17 yrs. I haven't left him yet it is all about money and providing a life for my 16yr old. I get strong and leave but the financial strangulation sends me back. We have had our own business for over 20 yrs so he holds all the power. He has repeatly told me and called me horrible names. 3 years ago I started to record his rantings which I brought to my doctor so she could fully understand what my life has equated to. She is very supportive but I am the one who will have to eventually try and get out of here. Please know you are not alone and please start recording his abuse. It will not help legally but nothing can tell the horrors of home like a doctor hearing it for themselves. :)

[Nighthawk61]

If you are on disability benefits, and you can financially survive, you really don't "need" anyone else. That goes for the rest of us. It is nice to have friends to rely upon for their friendship, and if you lose the dead weight of this abuser, you'll be in the position of being able to make friends that will support you throughout your life. I would suggest that you make a point of joining the YWCA. and join a swimming program, there you will meet many ladies that also are interested in developing friendships. Joining clubs, be it a book club, a knitting circle, a walking club etc is where you will meet quality friends.

As it stands, friends may be in short supply, because for most people i would imagine it is very frustrating to hear that a women is taking abuse, in this day and age. Also, it can be a danger to becoming supportive of a women who has a madman following them around. So , i think you must leave if you wish to develop friendships with other women , and their friends, which may be eligible men.

I've tried to send you a friends request but he function is not working right now. Please know that i care how this all turns out for yourself. I've been in  the same boat as you. My first husband was also physically abusive, and i can tell you that it has to be most hurtful devastatingly detrimental thing that you can do to yourself to stay in this situation. Please, give yourself a chance to be free from this abuse, and a chance to make real friends in this world.

[otto12]

Thank you for your help. I really need it. I feel stuck. Very depressed and terrified of being on my own. I know I have to leave my situation but I have no one to help me. The way I am emotionally, I'm afraid I'll just lose it if I leave now. Wish I had someone to lean on. It's very difficult to pull myself up by myself. I feel so drained. Thank you.

[Nighthawk61]

I agree with AnnieBrooke on this one. He needs to get out of your life, and you need to see where you are with your issues, after hes out of the picture. What you've described him as being, is the worse type of individual for you (or anyone) to be around. Save yourself by getting him out of your life.

Please know that can make fine, long term friendships here. You don't have to do any of this alone. If you reach out , there will always be friendship to help you through the hard times.

Are you being financed by this individual? Can you get welfare or disability where you are ? Can you make it financially on your own. ? You can always rent a two bedroom and get a room mate to help with expenses. Or better yet, a larger house  a 3 bedroom, with a basement so you can get 3 others to split the expenses. Find some nice women in your situation. It could be like the Golden Girls. Not a bad to way to go.

[AnnieBrooke]

What would happen if you left your husband or kicked him out?  It hardly sounds like anything would be worse, and they might be better.