relationship

[ann188]

Im jus fed up of dis weird relationship , wen vr 2gthr its fyn n he acts normal but 1c he goes back 2 his college he hardly cares n ignore me lot (long distance relationship ) im nt able 2 4gt him n his memories n move on n m v v loyal 2 him , wat 2 do ?? N hez abusive wen I cl o msg 2 talk , he wil b fyn if his lyf gud n hez v selfish m seriously hurt n depressed  

[specialmom]

If he is abusive when he doesn't get his way, dear, I would strongly urge you to leave the relationship.  Is that something you're considering?

[BluCrystal]

I am sorry you are having so much trouble, from what I can gather.  Your typing style is very difficult for me to understand.  Would you please clarify your problem, so maybe we can help you more? - Blu

[ann188]

Okk dear sorry for my typing style
Here my story goes I know this guy for past 5yrs and now hez doing his masters and its long distance relationship
When he comes to meet me once in a month he will b very good with me and once he goes back to his college he tells me that im very possessive and if I call n talk to him he tells done get on my nerves and stuff
He hurts me lot with his talks
Hez not even ready to tell his parents about our relationship which makes me more angrier
And he talks to other gals and tells m talking to them in a v casual way and were as me I cant of even talking to other guys because im very loyal to him and dont feel like talking to other guys
Plz help me how to proceed

[specialmom]

Well, in truth, we should all be able to talk to the opposite sex, both you and him.  I think because you are nervous that he isn't serious about you ---  you are insecure and then don't want him to be in contact with other females.  

he hasn't told his parents about you in 5 years?  Why is that?  What does he tell you?  This would make me think that he is either ashamed of me or playing me and I wouldn't like it.  I'd want a clear explanation for that.  

When you say you are very possessive, what does he mean?  Do you try to keep him on a short leash?  I set boundaries for my husband but try to give him as much freedom with that as I can . . .   and we are married many years.  

When someone is in grad school, there are probably occasions in which they have casual friendly contact with the opposite sex.  I would try not to let that bother you.  What if he has a female coworker when he gets out of school?  My husband went to another country on a business trip with another woman colleague who calls on an account with him.  It was work!  I trust my husband so all is well.  But if I were possessive, I might have a problem with that.  So, you have to not create problems when some things really are just part of living life, working, etc.  If he is going out to dinner with them . . .  okay, get suspicious.  But just talking, seeing out and about, working on a project together is part of life.  We can't keep our partners in cocoons.  

However, then I'm back to how he talks to you telling you that you get on his nerves when you call to chat.  Do you call too often?  ???  I don't know.  I am wondering if you are more into the relationship than he is.  

good luck

[specialmom]

Back to the one thing you say in your original post though and that you put this on the abuse forum.  Is he abusive to you?  I don't like to think of any woman to stay with a man that is abusive.  It's not worth it.  Find a better relationship if you feel abused.  good luck

[ann188]

Yeah might be im too much into this relationship and im possesive because I have seen his chats with other gals talking about hangouts and dinner and since its a long distance relationship im bit concerned and I hardly call him in the evenings and reason he tells for hiding this relationship is that his parents wont accept because we both from different culture and religion

[allmymarbles]

You are having an unhappy love affair. The problem is that you care for him more than he cares for you. I don't think you can call this abuse. You are both uncommitted and free to do as you please. The outcome for you does not look good in terms of happiness and satisfaction. Best to break things off with him. It will end anyway.