How does the cycle come to an end?

[907ak]

As a little girl my grandfather molested me until he was caught by my mother. He was a cop and so was my dad at the time...... Nothing ever happened it was swept under the carpet never talked about. No apologies from my parents no hugs of comfort. In my early 20's got involved with someone who told me " that was 20 years ago get over it" when I was having issues in the bedroom.  Years later he would brag to his friends how awesome i was in bed after my Ambien would take effect. After 19 years and 2 kids later I left after finding a tracking device in my car. I've been on my own for 9 months the verbal abuse still continues " you are a bad person" I've had a male friend I've known for 20 years one of my " best friends" come into my life made me feel whole until we slept together 1 time.... Haven't heard from him since. Yesterday a cousin who I haven't heard from was texting about how perfect and hot I was and the stuff he wanted to do to me. I haven't talked to the guy in years. Am I missing something? Is there something about me that attracts these stupid assholes? I trust not one word a single person says to me. I'm a wonderful person so why are these people always showing up? Idk

[allmymarbles]

There is too much communication and gossip and this has apparently given you a "reputation." Maybe your best bet is to cut ties with your past. You can start by changing your phone number so your cousin and other freaks are cut off. And if you are on Facebook, close your account. A bit of advice: choose your friends more carefully.

[kenneltech]

Also, one other thing;  it was the middle of the night that I responded to your post (I have insomnia), so please forgive all my mistakes on my last post, it looks terrlible!

[kenneltech]

It's exactly what you are doing, your attracting these kinds of men.  The biggest problem is, you don't see it at all.  This is SO common, I have been doing it for years, and my life was similar only the rapes were more often and more violent, but other than that, I started doing the exact same things  you are doing.  First, let me tell you, it is subconscious, you wouldn't pick a guy that hurts you if you knew what you were doing, now would you?  No`  You are also inadvertently throwing off vibes that you are "easy" to these men.  Want to know why you're going all this stuff?  BECAUSE IT'S WHAT YOU LEARNED, AND WE DO THINGS BY THE WAY WE LEARNED!  So, do not think ill of yourself, almost everyone I know that's gone through abuse such as  your ends up exactly the same way.

What you need to do is FOR AWHILE, DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ANY MAN, YOU'LL PICK ANOTHER LOSER.  You need to work on yourself first.  Don't go to a shrink, go to a trauma therapist, you can probably find one at the local diner or a county mental health center..  If they say they don't have any, thell hem WHEN you will hearffrom theim back?  See, that's the other thing, you NEED CLOSURE and you never got it.

As far as what your mother and sistern think, too bad!  You went throght it and they knew about it and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!  On top of everything else, you WEREN'T EVEN VALIDATED BY YOUR OWN PARENTS.  Therefore, you might try staying away from them or a littl defend  Anway, good luck to you and i iw=wil roven sailo

[907ak]

I've dealt with my childhood it just amazes me that people can treat anyone with such disrepect. I'm close to my ex's family and see them daily they are wonderful people. Unfortunatly I also have to see the kids dad and put up with him daily as well trying to keep it civil for the kids. Someday someone real will come along whether I can trust them is another story. I guess I'll put my trust in karma:)

[narla]

Stay away from anyone who disrespects you,you know you are a good person you have said so in your post so you don't need these lowlifes who are thinking about one thing,be content with youself and your children.
If someone comes along make sure there is respect and trust before you ever take it to the next level.
As for getting over the abuse,it needs to be done when you're ready,it took me until I was 48,don't wait that long,get some counselling and learn coping mechanisms to put the abuse behind you,you'll find you'll come out a much stronger person.
But it is ok to feel anger at the people who abused you as long as you don't dwell on it and let effect your life today.


Take Care  Denise

[907ak]

The 2 men I referred to I've known them since grade school it's not like I'm prowling the bar. I was in long term relationships with both. My cousin has me floored he started be inappropriate right off the bat and I've since stopped texting him. Idk  Im trying to live a nice quiet life with my little ones not looking for any relationship of any kind!

[margypops]

Maybe you are meeting them in the 'wrong places,' perhaps its good to get to know them well before the bedroom scene appears ,if you have respect for your self they will have too, it could be you keep meeting the same kind of men, they wont change however you can change what men you choose to meet .The cousin should be ignored, if you text or speak to him tell him he needs to start to respect you .why would he out of the blue text the things you have told us here.Block him,  I am sorry about what happened to you when you were a child,and I know it can have long term effects, but its within your control now to turn it around and tell yourself' Enough' if you stop this behavior men have towards you , you have won, it will enpower the rest of your life ...good Luck