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Was I sexually abused? I need help.

When I was younger like 5 years old my female cousin (13-14 years old) was over while my mom went to the store. I remember sitting on the floor playing with my toys and looking up seeing my cousin touching herself rubbing her body. Of course I was young so I didnt think anything of it. After she did that for a few minutes she looked at me and pucked me up and sat me on her lap.she began to move her body in a grinding motion and started to moan while pulling me closer. I sat there for a second. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her privates, she told me to press on her and I did. She also grabbed me in my private area to pull me closer but we were still both clothed. After awhile my mom came home. My cousin hurried and sat me back on the floor. She told me to not say anything so I didnt.

I kept this in for a long time. I even had vivid dreams about this for years when I was younger and I never told anyone. Please help me.
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Avatar universal
Yes, this sounds like abuse. Being your cousin was very young when she started masturbating (I mean, she probably started before that) and she had no regards for privacy or you being just a little kid, she might have been a victim of abuse herself. Any sexual encounter involving unwilling participant is sexual abuse. I don't know how old you are now, but you should mention this to your mother, confiding in someone always helps. You should also visit a therapist, having recurring dreams about a past event means unresolved issue/trauma. In the end of the day you might wanna talk to your cousin (if she is still in your life) tell her you remember this and ask her if she was ever touched or otherwise molested in her childhood. If she apologizes for what she had done to you it might be a first step to putting this to rest.
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