What can we do to help him?

[Green_SA]

I know I asked this before, but never got alot of answers. My eleven year old son was sexually abused by his friends father quite often. He refused to tell my husband and I what was going on and eventually peaked when he cut his arm and had to get taken to hospital because he lost so much blood. A few weeks later he overdosed on painkillers, he had to get his stomach pumped. He is now so angry that he locks himself in his room all day, very suspicious about any strange men and follows me everywhere I go. He's paranoid and cant concentrate at school. He has been diagnosed dyslexic and does see a therapist every week. Some extra info: My son kept on going back to this mans house because he threatened to kill him (he has now disappeared).I was abused by my grandfather for 4 years when I was 3, I have cut myself from the age of 12 to 20 and I have never really trusted anyone since. I have never told my children about this and only my husband knows, how can I help him through this? Should I tell him about my history and that I know what he's going through? Please help, this is getting really out of control now...

[marissposa]

I think even if he isn't really talking to the therapist it is probably doing some good.  It will  take some time for the therapist to gain his trust.  I remember being a kid I was bound and determined not to ask for help, but secretly I REALLY wanted it.

[Green_SA]

Sorry i had to find out how to reply to my own post... he's seeing a therapist for the abuse not for the dyslexia. i'm not sure if he likes the therapist becuase he hardly speaks, but as far as i can gather he likes this one more than the school therapist he was seeing before all this came out. i have gone with him and my husband to a few sessions but he's not comfortable talking about the abuse with us in the room.

[mslkpage]

I wasn't sure, so I looked at her original post and she said he was seeing a psychiatrist for the past two months. So I'm thinking that's who he's still seeing. (?) Maybe she'll come back and clarify that for us.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/477064?post_id=post_2701400

[AnnaE]

She said he was seeing a therapist for dyslexia. Probably a learning person, and likely not a couselor?

[mslkpage]

If he likes the therapist he's seeing now, I would increase his sessions to two per week. One of those weekly sessions should include you and your husband. At some point in these sessions you may want to bring up your past abuse, but now is not the time. In your initial post, you mentioned that he's seeing a child psychiatrist- is this still the case? How long has he been in therapy? This is going to be a VERY long healing process, so don't give up hope. You and the therapist need to have an open line of communication. Has he been evaluated for medication? I agree with Jo- if he's still making attempts at hurting himself, he probably needs to be admitted to an inpatient facility until he's stable. Good luck.

[AnnaE]

Hi,

I am so sorry that this has happened to your son, and to you, also. I am a survivor. I should not have said "ruin his life." I said it only out of concern for him. I just meant that his happiness would be in greater jeopardy. I say this because research has shown this, and because I have worked with survivors and perpetrators.

I hope that both you and he feel comforted someday.

Marianne

[AnnaE]

He needs help now, so that his adult life and his childhood will be better. If he does not get help in understanding his feelings, he is in danger of become a perpetrator. That would ruin his life.

I wish the best for him, and for you. You both need a lot of support. I bet that Dad does, too.

[RockRose]

He is in the worst of all situations.

I keep trying to elaborate but it never comes out nice.  It never comes out from my heart and so I keep wiping out my posts.

God bless you,  Green,  and I'm praying hard for your son.  Prayers that he is able to recover.  

[jo929]

I know that you and your son are going through the worse possible time, and i feel for both of you, but he does need a good trherapist, one he can relate too, alsl it seems he is on the course of self destruction,and my opinion, for what it is worth is do not tell your son what has been done to you, until you talk with a therapist and see what they say, as it might add to his problems and sadness, also if he keeps up this path of cutting, and trying to od,on pills he will finally make it unless he gets more help, maybe you are near  a place wher they take children who, have been through this, as it would appear that he needs more help and 24 hour supervision and  more help than he is getting, as we never really know what someone thinks if they dont tell us  i do wish you both the best   jo

[Kaz10]

Probably counselling would help but its not for everyone so make sure you ask him if he enjoys the sessions i know enjoy is not the right word but you know...erm maybe get him to join a sport team if hes not up to that try find him a hobby to do if he hasnt got one already ... i think telling him your past would help it could help him open up to you better as he'll know that you'll understand his feelings ..hope it helps..best wishes to you both....

[marissposa]

Does he see the therapist for dyslexia or for coping with this trauma?