Hey I'm glad your going to a university looks like things are looking up for you. Please don't ignore yourself get some counseling cause it can come back and bite you when you least expect it. I was abused as a child and it still has affected me now when I'm 60 years old. Speaking from experience. Hope things are going well for you.
I'm really impressed with NSOH132's cmment to you and i'd like to think that you are rereading these comments when times get tough. Action is needed on your part. And i'll repeat something that NSOH132 has said...
I think, you will find a nice guy to get married with later, there is no need to stay within your culture. As a proud American, you can , you will find your sweetheart.
If your culture supports abuse, you need to look outward. There is NO reason to accept abuse in the States. You can join a multi cultural community and find that you do not have to through away your heritage, the love you have for your pst, or aspects of your culture, to change the things that are unacceptable if your goal is to live a happy, healthy prosperous lifestyle for yourself and your future family. You don't have to stay within your religion or culture to respect your family of origin. FIND HAPPINESS AND LOVE. That should be your goal.
Again, thanks to NSOH132 for their incredibly helpful comments, I hope the OP comes back to know that there are others that love her from afar, and care about her happiness. lifelong.
First let me say how sorry i am to hear what's been going on in your home. I too came from an abusive family, so i know how lost and lonely it can be. It helps to have others that know your situation to be in your corner.
That being said, there is one option that you are most eligible for, and that you can take, and that is to get a part time job and take out a student loan for tuition, books, and rent. You'll need to supplement the loan you would receive every September for the duration of your time at university. My son did just that, he wanted to be his own man, and not live at home. I didn't have the money to pay for his schooling and provide for his lodging elsewhere. Yes, it might be stressful to be accumulating a loan, but the Ontario Student Loan project is very lenient about payback, and won't add interest to the loan, if you are only working a minimum wage job and cannot pay the loan off. It might be theat your sanity requires that you take this route. It is not worth your mental health to stay, if you simply cannot function.
If you have a room of your own, you should be staying in it and studying while you're at University. If you can work one night a week, or on week ends, at a part time job, and you can manage to put some money away, please do so.. Stay away from your home as much as possible, until that fateful day that you can pack your belongings and leave to live your own life.
If you consider leaving by way of student loan, you needn't tell your family until you have received the funds, and can be on your way. I'm not sure if your family will disown you if you leave, but frankly, with a mother that would throw a baby across the room and a brother than would beat his smaller sister, you would not have much to miss!!
I'm here for you if ever you should call on me.
Liz
You have a lot of followers here who care, it would be nice if you could come back and let us know you're alright, making plans etc.. PLEASE come back dear...
First of all, I am feeling very sorry for you. From what I read, you have suffered the worst form of abuse a human could go through - from own family. Since you are 18 yrs old, you can definitely think about moving out and pls don't forget the fact that you could seek out the help of law. You should. Not that they will make things right but still you deserve some sort of justice if that's the word here. Cheers!
Hope that you are out of that terrible situation and in a better place in your life! All of the suggestions others gave are wonderful ideas. I have been in a few abusive situations and the best advice and only solution is to leave. Get away from your abuser(s) if at all possible. My suggestion was also looking into a domestic violence shelter. May the Lord bless you and keep you!!
sunshine
You should def look into getting ur own place no one deserves to be treated in a way that suicide seems to be ur best option..... That blows my mind!!! I lost my middle brother to suicide last year and wish he would he reached out in a way u have... My life has forever changed and it breaks my heart to hear that you consider the option for yourself I literally just had to wipe my eyes its never that bad babe the always another option I wish I could hug u right now and just talk... It will get better just be patient.... Maybe u have a friend or know someone who is trying to move out also y'all could be roommates it's a win win... You are so young and have ur whole life ahead of u never give up on ur self you can do anything you put ur mind to.... Have u ever thought of tAken MMA classes I know violence is not the answer but defending urself is ur right and it's very therapeutic.... Plz update soon I usually don't read these treads and this is my first time responding but I will keep up with u babe life is short and the world is at ur feet don't ever feel ur life in invaluable... I will keep up with u keep ur head up babe I will be praying for u
For someone who has experienced such terrifying circumstances, you seem like such an incredible person. Just from your words I can sense empathy and kindness and depth. These situations tend to bring those things out of us, but we rarely understand how truly incredible these traits are - especially in light of circumstances such as yours.
At the end of the day, your welfare is your main concern. Nothing is worth your safety or the fear of your safety - even losing your family in the physically sense (as they seem to have lost you emotionally, regardless).
As an 18 year old, you have the ability to search out different options. Reaching out to trusted friends, or parents of friends, who will let you stay with them; a helpline that could suggest some resources, a teacher or principal you feel safe to share this with, or even a local religious organization that you may be associated with.
It is so unbelievably hard to reach out for help and to separate from your family, but your safety and well being is worth the price - really. Only you can take care of yourself in situations like these and you owe yourself a life free from this anxiety. Once you take that first step the rest will come together. You will find those who are truly able to help keep you safe. So much love to you.
You are grown when you turned 18 years old and I Say move out and get you a Apartment to live in Just you and any Animals you may have
Dear Jazmin 15!
I hope you ar all right and still aroud this community.
It was stirring to read your story.
I know I am far away from you. But you ytill may be interested.
I mean far away geographically and culturally alike.
I do not see any other ways for you, but to move out from home.
I think your family really makes you a crap, which nobody deserves.
You deserve a better life, happiness and respect.
The only way I can see is to move out, as you can not change your parents, you cannot change your brother. The only thing you can change is your thinking.
I understand this is not the way women follow in your culture, but if you want a normal everyday life you need to get rid of the family’s abuse.
You will still love them (or probably you already hate them). You can still try to understand them. Your mum may have been the victim of similar abuse, consequently, if she can not identify the abuse, she might do the same as a mother.
You may be interested to read the book: Judith Herman: Trauma and recovery. I have read nearly the whole book and it helped me a lot to understand myself, to look over my behaviour, etc.
Anyway, I think the hellp I can give you is that I point out that it is YOUR life, YOUR responsibility, and noone else will do the steps you need to do. People can tell you that they feel sorry for you for what had happened to you, but they cannot act instead of you. You need to set your own goals and then find people to help you fulfuill them.
I must tell you that according to me moving out is not a goal on its own. If I were you, my goal would be to have a carreer, a happy family. Then I would need to break down these goals to llittle steps. And the first would be to make my own living as so many students manage to make it.
I think, you will find a nice guy to get married with later, there is no need to stay within your culture. As a proud American, you can , you will find your sweetheart.
In case you ask for help to move out from home, and find a job while you are a student, I am sure you will get help. But you need to stand on your ownn feet, you need to be able to survive alone as lot of other students do. Then you will really be proud of yourself and hopefully never let others abuse you.
If you only ask for help to move out, it means you just want someone else to look after you instead of looking after yourself. It means you are prepared to hand over the control over your life to someone else to substitute your parents. But now you are a grown up. Thouugh it is really sad, but you seem to be helpless and vulnerable in your family.
I am sure you can find communities of abused people, who can really help. I mean self help groups. They will understand what you are /have been going through.
I mean people you can meet in person., not so much internet communities.
Wish you all the best,
ANikó
I wish you would come back and let us know how you're faring ? Have you thought about separating from your family and making some friends that you can live with whiles going through university on a student loan? That's how most kids move out where we come from. They make life long friends, that they travel the world with and then having made their own friends, involve tehn in their marriages (like going to the wedding) friends that you will raise your kids with? It would be more multi cultural, your culture would be respected . Try to get involved making friends within other cultures. and make your own life. Your family aren't going anywhere, You need to.
What about a domestic violence shelter near your school. If that's a possibility, maybe you could stay there until you are financially stable enough to get out on your own. Also, there are programs through such places that will help you get a leg up on the situation. Domestic violence doesn't necessarily mean that it's husband and wife or vice versa, you're most definitely a victim of such violence. I hope this helps you, I also hope to hear a good update on your situation. You are in my prayers for sure.
You could put out an ad, without your real name, or particulars that your brother or mother might see, on Craigslist, or Kijiji, asking if there were any opportunities for a girl like yourself to act as a live in maid part time,, or help with the kids of a family part time. If it happens, you have another choice to consider. If not, nothing lost , nothing gained.
Well, the simple fact is you do know how to make it stop - move out. It's unlikely you will be able to convince them to suddenly begin respecting you.
No one that you talk to can help you, I don't think. Since you are an adult and free to leave, no one can come to your home and tell everyone to be nice.
So it's your choice. Stay there and benefit from the free housing and chance to go to college, or move out and lose those benefits.
Either way, you are CERTAINLY not forced to live there forever, cultural norms or not.
Best wishes.