life hit me like a ton of bricks

[emptwwww]

I cant stop crying thought I put all the feelings of abuse behind me. lived for my son and he ended up abusing me just like his dad. and every relationship Ive had. Now I am 38 and out of the blues everything just hit me. I cant stop crying and realize I dont know how to live for just me. all the abuse and is just going thru my head and cant stop it.Maybe I am finally losing it. Has anyone else ever felt this way

[allmymarbles]

Since you have had many abusive relationships you have to consider why. Often it related to lack of self worth. This is a problem for a therapist. Without help you may be subjected to further abuse in the future.

[kenneltech]

Do not be so hard on yourself, everyone else has already done that for you.  You are not losing it, you are finally realizing that you make bad decisions concerning partners because it's all  you've ever known.  Subconsciously, you continued to pick people that were abusive, and this is TOTALLY NORMAL!

I suffered from abuse until the age of 18.  Mental, physical, sexual abuse, and it was bordering on torture.  It's all I ever knew, so guess what I married?  An abuser!

Now is the time to not even think about getting into a relationship (as the pattern will repeat itself even if you are unaware of it) and take some time out to heal.  A good therapist would definately help.  Possibly a support group at a battered women's shelter also, peer groups are great for abuse victims, it helps you to realize that your thinking is not that abnormal, and neither are your actions.

If you possibly can, try to talk your son into seeking help so he doesn't become a horrible abuser to whomever he marries.  

And, it's NOT YOUR FAULT, so don't even go there, it was a pattern that you got into by marrying an abuser, and after so long, it became all you knew.

You're gonna be ok, and God Bless!!!

[ex_H_addict]

Good comment by jeepgirl84,and good pointed out.
"Cry all you want, then you can start thinking about what to do FOR yourself. " ,just one correction i would put "caps" or "big letters" on ___ "YOURSELF" not on "FOR".
But i think that is what you wanted actually jeepgirl.

My advice is hmm.. I had some similar problems too.But not exactly same as yours but close enough. I've been an heroin addict, you can imagine how much of abuse in house it was...between family members (that are living with me = mom ,dad, bro , sis ) and those who are not living with me ( uncle,aunt ... ) they all had abused me or my parents for what happened to me.And when I was in withdraws I cried because of symptoms ,of course , and I cried because i was (in that moment) aware of accuses t o me or ....

So my advice is same as JEEPGIRL84....And i will vote for that as best answer. ;)

CHEER UP and GOD BLESS YOU.

BIG WORD OF SUPPORT ALL WAY FROM SERBIA (EASTERN EUROPE)
!!! <3 !!!!  

[jeepgirl84]

You are not losing it, in fact I think you are on the road to recovery from the abuse. You are crying because you are in mourning...for yourself. Cry all you want, then you can start thinking about what to do FOR yourself. The abuse was not your fault. Your husband and son are the ones at fault and have taken your self confidence away from you. Now YOU have to get it back, and you can. Is there any thing you are interested in? Something you use to want to do but wasn't allowed to do? Try to get active. You have got to learn to love yourself because you are deserving of that love. Make yourself your best friend because you are the one person that you can count on. The men in your life are nothing but idiots that have to pick on a woman because they are too scared to pick on another man. Hang in there and remember we on this forum are here for you. God Bless.