Knowing the little girl

[narla]

Sexually abused as a child

I had counselling on Thursday and I brought it out that I want to know the little girl that was abused,I want to know what she was feeling,what her emotions were,I want to be able to hold her and protect her.I want to know her as she was not what she became,My counsellor is helping me achieve what I need,I don't know how yet but we'll be starting the process next week.I know it will be painful but I need it,at the moment I can't remember much about being a child,other than the abuse.Does anyone know what processes are used to connect with the child that was hurt.

[leeisgettingclean]

WOW---what a inconsiderate response!!!! you seem to be a bit bitter about something---have you yourself been abused or have you been acused of being an abuser yourself ??...I can not understand your reponse unless this message hit a little close to home with you. Narla is a very sweet woman and no where in her post did she say she didnt remember what happened and if you knew her even the slightest you would know that she "battles" the memeries everyday of her life. No one call "tell" you how to "remember" things so your comment really made very little since anyways

[Angelrosebabe]

I pray that you can find the peace and closure you are working for. Change therapists if the one you have does not work right for you. There are many types of therapy approaches and you need to find the one that is right.

[narla]

It's funny but I only sleep 5 hrs as well,I try going to bed at different times to change the pattern but I never last longer than 5 hrs.Anyway better go I'm due at my therapists in 15 mins.Thanks for your reply  Denise

[margypops]

Its called visualisation, and it does really work ,it can help you sleep, if you imagine something happy and wonderful each night ,it becomes your safe place and you drop off as you are thinking about it, I go to a desert Island each night I walk along white sands ..then I fall asleep...one thing though I never sleep more than 5 hours .....

[MrsMacDugle]

Denise,

It's been a long hard process, I too have my island that I escape to when things get rough, It is shaped like a triangle.  Side 1 is a Snow capped mountain with a log cabin in the middle of the wilderness so that no one interfer with me & I can commune with the animals without fear.  Side 2 is a Tropical Jungle type enviroment where I'm able to escape with a waterfall & pond.  Side 3 is my most safe enviroment that I created it is a replica of my grandmother's house from my youth before the age of 5 where she & I sit next to her fireplace & she rocks me in her rocking chair and we talk about everything & anything & how Jesus loves his little children.

Your Friend in the same boat
Debra

[narla]

Thank You for your reply at least it was informative not like the first reply I received.I am scared of getting to know her but I also know its what I need in the next process of healing,I have been given some strategies to try as homework by my counsellor,just in my mind to find a place that is somewhere I feel comfortable and safe and invite the little girl to join me,he said at first she might be too scared but to let her know I won't harm her,eventually she might come to me.I know this is all mind work but I need to try this for my healing.Once again Thank You It's great to be able to talk to someone who understands.Hugs  Denise

[MrsMacDugle]

Denise,

May therapist use several different techniques to aid us in trying to reunite us with our inner child that at the time of the trauma we actually did disconnect from & protect by putting them deep within ourselves to prevent them from being abused & giving ourselves a new persona to embrass & live through.  The road to recovery is tricky; as you will discover you still have that innocent little one within you still happy & carefree as a child should be, so don't focus on not know what she has gone through but rather focus on what you have gone through slow unraveling the pains & emotions that you numbed away for so long.  I know that you will be afraid at times not knowing if you will ever find that little one again.  But you now need to focus on yourself, with occassional reflecting back on the child lost so long ago.  Eventually, the farther you go in therapy the closer you will become with that lost inner child from years gone by.  My own experience of life I had created 8 personas to survive my life.  And yes, I did finally find my little child that I had stored safely away after the 1st traumatic event occurred. She is why I am as balanced as I am now. With every new discovery of what had gone wrong & was miswired into her brain, I pull that innocent little girl out of my mental china closet & tell her that these synopis' here were connected wrong & that they should have been connected this way.  Then I sit with her in my lap like my grandmother would when I was a very young child in the rocking chair when things went bad for me or I was feeling ill & she would hold me tight & tell me I would be alright & she would sing to me.  So that is now How I deal with my personas, I have my nuturer that is representative of my grandmother, I have my inner child that has never been harmed, I have my young child that deals with only the physical abuse that she received from the abusive step/adoptive mother, I have the child that was raped, I have the child that was gang raped, I have the wild child that was formed after she couldn't handle anymore traumas,as well as my destroyer/protecter if I feel I'm being harmed or a loved one is being harmed in anyway and I have myself that controls all of them.  Unfortunately, I'm not in complete control all of the time quite yet, as some pop out when I least expect them but they are the ones that have handled going threw the incidents that have prompted them into popping out & controlling the issues or not depending on the situations.  I'll continue to lift you up in prayers as I know that this road will be long & sometimes you will want to give up but don't as you will become stronger the farther you travel.

I've been given an exercise that I have to perform.  Where I was given my choice to decide how to take out my frustration on all that wronged me.  My abuser, and my loved ones that ignored the abuse.

I chose to use water balloons after all other measures didn't give me as much relief.  I filled up the balloons, I than took my time & focused on each one, talking to it as if it were the person that the balloon represented for me.  Told it all the harm it did to me, and how it destroyed the innocence of me.  Even though they really didn't since I discovered that I did create distinctive personalities to protect me.  So after telling the balloon off I would then lift it over my head & scream, take that as I smashed it to the ground & would repeat as often as needed until I started feeling relief from the hurt, shame, guilt & anger and began laughing because I knew that they couldn't hurt me anymore.  And now on the anniversaries of my traumatic events that cause me to have severe flashbacks, I will once again fill my water balloons & smash them to the ground until I don't have to perform that ritual any longer.

Your Friend
Debra

[younggrandmother]

Sorry about the comment made by RockRose. :(   I don't know anything about the process I think that was your question not who you would accuse.I hope you get the answers you are looking for and you can get the peace you so much deserve . I will be thinking about you next  Good Luck.and stay strong. :))

[narla]

You have misread my post I remember all of the abuse I went into counselling because of my memories not the other way round.Please read posts carefully it can be upsetting when someone tells you that you don't know what happened I know fully what was done to me if you look back further there is another post that tells what happened.what I am saying is I don't remember being a little girl because of the abuse I had no choice but to grow up from the age of 7.I want to remember that girl and protect her,metaphorically of course.I didn't go into full details of my memories this time because I have already done that in numerous posts.I am really annoyed at what you have written please read my post again then maybe you can give an informative answer.Nowhere did I say I don't remember the abuse.And I definitely did not say I was being encouraged to remember abuse that did not happen.
please reply back an apology would be great  Denise

[RockRose]

If you honestly can't remember any of the details of abuse,  it's very likely that it didn't happen the way you are being encouraged to remember it.  

You don't seem to remember the feelings,  or any of  the details.  It's likely you won't ever  be able to recover anything truthful about whatever pain you seem to be feeling.  

Prayers that  you don't suddenly accuse people who are innocent.