is this mental abuse ?? what can I do ??

[kswer]

Hi, I don't know if I'm just being petty or this really is abuse!?
I am 23 weeks pregnant my bf says he is happy but the way he talks to me and treats me is getting a joke. Being pregnant I feel sick a lot so I was taking a lie down and I hear him banging doing something so I ask if he wants help he replies just f****ng shut up you make it worse and storms out....what did I do ?? If I say something and he don't understand what I mean he goes off on one telling me to talk properly etc and just shutup, if I forget something he goes mad at me but when he forgets something its a different story if I cry he goes mad so I have to wipe the tears quick just so we won't argue...if I go to bed early or stay up late I'm in a mood...I just can't win whatever I do. Its realy getting me depressed now and I don't know what to do. Maybe once the baby arrives things will be better ? I have no family or friends just my bf if I leave I have no where to go I have no job or no money as I work for my partner so he supports me finacialy (wich the only thing he is good at) he will give me whatever I want in that respect...please give me advice.
Many thanks

[specialmom]

Dear, you've posted a number of questions and every single time you've gotten about the same advice.  No one thinks you should be with this boy you are with.  Pregnant or not, he's not good to you nor is the relationship working or healthy.  Why on Earth are you staying and why are you doing this to yourself?

[AliannasMom1]

This is exactly my relationship also..the SSAME thing..but im 34 weeks pregnant. Im in the same boat..idk what to do myself.

[margypops]

It may get worse once the babies here and its not good that children hear verbal abuse.. I think you should have a serious talk with him and let him know if it continues you will think the relationship no good especially witha child around made afraid by his behavior .

[jamesedward]

Abuse comes in all forms, verbal is one of them and this sounds to be just that. Verbal Abuse. However, it also sounds like stress. He is financially taking care of you and now with the baby on the way, he could be cracking under the pressure.

[ku111]

When he is in a mood in which you both can really sit and talk, tell him how you feel.  I have been married for 20 years and there is one of a few rules which I think has made this work.  We never are allowed to call each other names or tell each other to shut up.  This can be put much more gentle, "like I am trying to think and I just need some quiet for just a second".  When you start saying disrespectful things to each other it can escalate easily and becomes a habit.  Seems simple but it really does avoid a lot of hurt and problems in your relationship.  Start now by changing things to make your home ready for baby.  Goodluck and congrats!

[Kayannaboo]

Abuse comes in all forms, verbal is one of them and this sounds to be just that. Verbal Abuse. However, it also sounds like stress. He is financially taking care of you and now with the baby on the way, he could be cracking under the pressure. I agree though, that this does not excuse his behavior in any way, shape or form. Perhaps you can try being a bit more stern, but still respectful as you do not want to have a brawl, in your approach. When he acts like that ask him "why are you behaving like this?" not in a passive way and not in an aggressive way either but in a confident way letting it known, that you are quite interested in the answer, it is not a rhetorical question. Let him know you appreciate conversation rather than being treated like a child and that you will no longer accept it. Let him know you are serious and that you do not like it.

Thatquietgirl asked an excellent question: Was it like this before the pregnancy? If it always been this way, sadly, it will not get better, at least not soon and with the baby on the way, this environment will just be too much. Consider the type of surroundings you want for your child and if the current one isn't working out, do your best to change the pace of things!

Take care doll!


Anna

[allmymarbles]

Sorry, I forgot to answer your question as to whether this was mental abuse. The word "abuse" is tossed about so freely these days that in many cases it loses its meaning. Your boyfriend is a mean-spirited and very nasty fellow, but you can not be considered a battered woman.

He probably showed signs of his innate nature before you ever got pregnant. Your best hope is to make yourself independent of him.

[allmymarbles]

What kind of work do you do for your boyfriend? Why can't you do the same kind of work for someone else? Some men take advantage of women who are dependent on them. Often the same men respect women who don't need them. He certainly does not respect you. If you want to stay with him, get a job on your own. Or, get a job on your own and leave him.

[thatquietgirl]

Was he like this before the pregnancy?  Was it planned?  If he wasn't like this, maybe he's got some insecurities surrounding the issue.  If it wasn't planned, he may be feeling some other things as well.  It doesn't excuse his behavior at all, but it may be related.

But don't let this go on by any means, and if it's at all related to the pregnancy (especially if it was unplanned), it may not resolve right away/at all following your child's birth.  Be prepared for that possibility.

Have you pointed out how he is acting and how it makes you feel?  Have you tried asking him how he's feeling?