How can I deal with the pain from emotional and physical abuse?

[meesh99]

You would never believe my situation, at 39 I'm losing everything, my house, my credit, my marriage.  I had to get away from my husband because he was always addicted to something and never made enough money.  I have 2 boys and have always had that white picket fence and made all the money to hold it all together.  I might be going through mid-life crisis, but 1 year ago I met a 26 year old who was smart and I thought he would rescue me from my life, now after 1 year he's starting to abuse me mentally and NOW physically.  He smashed my head against his car and hit me in the face.  I have never been physically abused before, but I still find myself wanting to call him and be with him because of all the love he gave me that my spouse never gave me.  It's killing me and I feel so weak, I was always a very strong person but I have been emotionally shut down, I can't believe I have to write on the internet that's how sad I am.  I don't know who to turn to?  I feel guilty but at the same time like I have been taken for.  Please help.

[meesh99]

Thank you for you comments and insight.  I hate to mention that I also have a business with him, which is my only financial solution right now, how can I break it off and lose the business?  He's the brains behind it. I understand what you are saying but it's easier said than done.  I will take all this to heart.  I'm trying to get into some counseling right now.

[AnnaE]

I understand better what you said about his mother. What terrible circumstances.

[1Moonbeam]

You have no idea how liberating it is to liberated from the house, the credit, the marriage and mostly the abusive man!  You've been told again and again that it only escalates, after it has happened once, and it's true, oh so true.  I understand the desire to call him, see him, I've fought that battle for 43 years.  I still find myself wondering if he's still alive at age 73, and knowing his lifestyle, I'm sure he's not.  But 19 years after I escaped, he found me.  And he actually expected that I would drop everything an go running back to him, because he claimed to have "grown up".  And my husband actually feared that I might.  No thank you.  Believe me, I was not even tempted, but I was in the mood to tell the boy how it really was, and I did.  That was the real reason I had wanted to call him or see him, but I didn't know it until then.  Once my abuser found out that he really couldn't get me back, he beat his own 76-year-old mother to death.  Any more questions?  It only gets worse, and then it gets worse all over again.  So write that letter and tell the boy how it really was.  Whether he ever gets it or knows anything about it, it will take care of you.  Yes, it nearly killed me that he killed his mother over it, but I've come to understand that she got what she gave.  We all do.    

[margypops]

I am sorry you are having such a bad time,this has to make you stronger,look at it as a challenge in your life, tell your self you are worthy of more than you are getting , face the truth, this man will always behave like this so definatly ditch him, and then give your self time and concentrate on going it alone and making your life work ,until you have more self esteem and feel better you wont be able to have a worth while relationship and there are always losers out there ,waiting.You say you dont know who to turn to, thats not true you can turn to yourself and say "I am not going to take this any more" remember that cliche?its true you have you, you are not weak.You have 2 boys so concentrate on doing things with them get involved in sports and Games and Fun.Let us know how you are doing.

[jo929]

Get away from this man and never look back, because abuse in any form will make you feel unworthy and also when he gets through with you he may do more than just hit you he may kill you, and what of the children, please get out they should not have to suffer your sadistic pleasure, if that is what it is. Where is your self esteem> get out while you can you can always call the hotline or womens shelter, or the police. my daughter was in an abusive situation, and when she did get away, she was broken, and took yeras of counsling, so get out leave the slum bug  luck  jo

[Cherie762]

you know that you deserve better. real men dont hit women ever. no exceptions . no second chances, he will hit you again.