My three year old says her uncle poked her pee-pee. what should i do??

[momma_bear23]

I feel really silly writing this here, but my pediatrician refuses to examine my daughter and insists instead on referring her to a specialist without even looking at her. perhaps this is normal, but it is rather frustrating to me. The disfunction at my in-laws seems to have spilled over into my life and i'm unsure if due the the information that's come out i'm just hyper paranoid or not but here's the back story:

My mother in law adopted 4 children in addition to her 2 biological. the 4 adopted are 15(F), 14(F), 13(M), 6(M). It recently came out that the 15 yr old had been sexually abusing the 6 year old possibly for 3 years. the 6 year old has been in and out of mental hospitals and the 15 year old (who adamantly denies that is was her though according to my MIL the 6 year old named the 15 yr old) has been removed from the home and placed in a group home 2 hours away. The two middle children spent most of their time with me and my husband (who is much older than the adopted children). I beleive that because they spent so much time with us they were spared the abuse and I contributed my influence on them to be what helped them be "normal".
Here's my problem:
The other night the 13 yr old helped me out by putting my 3 year old daughter in the tub. when she came out she said to me, "so and so poked my peepee!". I was shocked. My daughter seemed more annoyed and indignant than upset or "damadged" but I was shaken. When all this first came out my Husband and I had a talk with our daughter who was 2 then that NO ONE but the Doctor or mommy when helping her go potty touches her "pee-pee".  Did we perhaps make her too sensitive to that? should I worry? My daughter was throwing matchbox cars out of the tub at the 13 yr old and he was throwing them back, could he have accidentally hit her privates with a car?
Any help would be much appreciated. at this point i'm just not sure what to do, whether i'm freaking out for no reason or if I should be concerned...
thanks so much!

[lizzy100]

i doubt a 3 yr old would have damaged their hymen through riding a bike or anything but who knows! but i dunno that id poke around looking .
i agree that i think the kids need counselling or to tlk to someone, i dont know if u could ask this kid if he touched ur daughter, at 13 u kinda know what ur doing. he may well lie, but u might be able to tell if he is or not.
yea dont let them bath your daughter and at least if ur aware there is a problem u can keep an eye out.

[Cherie762]

you know you could look at her just w/o her even knowing pay attention act like your powdering her or drying her pee pee when she is laying down to put her pjs on..loook for redness, swelling, tears, if your able to spread the vaginal lips a bit you should be able to tell if hymen is intact. However many many kids break their hymen through rough play, even a bike fall can cause that to happen.

[mark456]

I feel the dynamics here require some looking at, so I would suggest that all the children should receive some counselling and maybe an evaluation from an Expert. This could be an going thing and the children need protecting.What does your husband have to say, as they are his family?my daughter and my neice came to me and told me my neice gramfather had beem putting his hand inside their panties my daughter only once but the neice did not knoe what to do i rold my sis and we told her mother in law and we got the ole goat and took care of the situation so please watch your little girl close anything can happen and you are not fraking out but never let any boy help bathe a small child especially if it is a girl as they are made different  luck  jo
mark456
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[jo929]

I raised 3 daughters and told them anytime someone put their hands inside or near where they pee pe to come to me or a person they trust my advice was good my daughter and my neice came to me and told me my neice gramfather had beem putting his hand inside their panties my daughter only once but the neice did not knoe what to do i rold my sis and we told her mother in law and we got the ole goat and took care of the situation so please watch your little girl close anything can happen and you are not fraking out but never let any boy help bathe a small child especially if it is a girl as they are made different  luck  jo

[margypops]

PS you are definatly Not  Hypo- paranoid ,you are correct to go with your gut feelings ..

[margypops]

Reading your post I feel that there is more going on ,but it would be hard to point the finger, my gut feeling would be that this is learned behavior,and someone has shown all these children some of the behavior you describe,it could have been the eldest who isnt there now, and it has been passed along, what grown ups have had access to the children particularly the eldest child,when she was younger, who was the care taker, is their Dad  around, babysitters, other family, you say there are 2 bio children how old are they / boys and girls? this is complicated and really I feel the dynamics here require some looking at, so I would suggest that all the children should receive some counselling and maybe an evaluation from an Expert. This could be an going thing and the children need protecting.What does your husband have to say, as they are his family?